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I totally would! I already told The Hubs that, when I'm back to work full time, he can take a sabbatical if he wants. Let him deal with this crap for a change
Quote:
Originally Posted by AbsolutePwnage
Would there be women actually fine with supporting a stay-at-home dad though? It seems like women can get supported themselves, as opposed to them supporting the men, just as in dating where he must pay for the dates to continue. I would not mind at all a little stint where I was the stay-at-home dad, just so I can get a little vacation from my job, but would a woman actually agree to this arrangement?
I've had women flip out at me when I asked her to pay dutch or the whole FOURTH date (after I paid for the first three), so I'd imagine the relationship would be kiboshed the second I wanted to stay at home while she worked. Do women actually exist that would be fine with their husband staying at home if the situation called for it in short stints?
Would I be one? Hell yeah I'd be one. Watch TV, cook and have free time all day while the woman brings home a ton of money. Yeah, life sounds like it'd be sooooo hard.
Here we go. Now the men have entered the Mommy Wars.
We have a fairly unique arrangement that works for us, though there are many compromises and a whole different set of tensions and buttons to push. I work full time, second shift. Hubby works full time from home (writing). He started this when he got laid off from a full-time job when the company closed. It was the best thing that ever happened to us -- until then, I didn't see how we would swing having kids, as I didn't want to go the day-care route. The company closing meant he could start trying to make a business out of working from home, and he'd also be able to care for a baby.
DH now makes a good living at this, but there have been years when it was touch-and-go. My salary keeps the mortgage paid and pays my commuting expenses; his income pays the rest. I moved from a 9-5 job to second shift work when my daughter was born -- took a big pay cut to do it, because I wasn't seeing the baby at all. Now both my kids are in school and I do not see them much at all during the week -- I would love to get back to hours that would bring me home in the evenings. But summers are great, as they're home, and I'm home until the early afternoon.
For DH, the semi-SAHD role has been tough. He believes he gets little respect for what he does, especially from other men but also from women. That said, our circle of friends and acquaintances, by now, is completely familiar with his situation and he is respected more than he realizes.
It's been tough for me too. I wanted to be home for all the milestones, and I wasn't. I wanted to be the perfect mom with all the home cooking and perfectly kept house and activities for the kids, and I can't do any of that.
As far as division of labor, DH does all the cooking. He gets them up about half the time, and gets them to bed and makes sure they do the homework. He enforces all the rules that I lay down (I'm definitely the bad cop and he's the good cop when it comes to discipline) He also gets them where they need to be every day. I set up the activities. I pay the bills. I do the laundry. I do the grocery shopping. I try to keep the house clean, but we do have a cleaner come in twice a month.
So it has worked for us for 12 years now, but I won't say it has been easy. But if the alternative had been two jobs, and day care, I would not have had kids.
Would there be women actually fine with supporting a stay-at-home dad though? It seems like women can get supported themselves, as opposed to them supporting the men, just as in dating where he must pay for the dates to continue. I would not mind at all a little stint where I was the stay-at-home dad, just so I can get a little vacation from my job, but would a woman actually agree to this arrangement?
I've had women flip out at me when I asked her to pay dutch or the whole FOURTH date (after I paid for the first three), so I'd imagine the relationship would be kiboshed the second I wanted to stay at home while she worked. Do women actually exist that would be fine with their husband staying at home if the situation called for it in short stints?
I suppose it depends on the woman. No matter the situation, it would have to be agreeable to both parties. I didn't go into marriage assuming my husband would work and I wouldn't. Circumstances change. Life is unpredictable.
I've known a couple SAHDs. One was on workman's comp when his baby was born. Once that was over, it was like pulling teeth to get him to go back. The wife was not agreeable. He needed to step up.
Another I don't know very well. He recently quit work when his wife's job took off and she started traveling. He seems fine with staying home, but it was an adjustment.
Any man that I chose to have children with will need to be OK with being the stay-at-home parent if financially feasible and if he makes less money than me. It's something I have talked with at length with my SO - though we are years off financially from being able to afford to marry or have children.
I'm perfectly happy to stay at home and develop a freelance career- but it doesn't make sense to do so simply because I'm a woman if I make more than my partner. And frankly, I don't know that I could ever respect a man who couldn't stay at home with his own children and yet expect me to.
What a great story! I bet your uncle has awesome memories of watching his children grow up and being with them for extended time periods on a daily basis. Did he experience challenges when they were very young? I find that my husband is often not as nurturing as what is needed for our two year old little guy. He tries but he's got some limitations.
Quote:
Originally Posted by JerZ
Yup. My uncle was the SAHD for about 15-ish years. This was back in the 80s.
He spent the time taking care of the kids and the household, and studying. My aunt was (is) president of a bank.
I make roughly 3 times as much as my husband but I would never ask him - not because of me - but bc of HIM. He's got too much ego and would flip out at the question being broached. He associates his value with bringing home a paycheck so it's a no go. However, if he was more skilled and nurturing with our little guy (just being honest, he knows he's not the best in these arenas), I would do it in a second.
Quote:
Originally Posted by AbsolutePwnage
Would there be women actually fine with supporting a stay-at-home dad though? It seems like women can get supported themselves, as opposed to them supporting the men, just as in dating where he must pay for the dates to continue. I would not mind at all a little stint where I was the stay-at-home dad, just so I can get a little vacation from my job, but would a woman actually agree to this arrangement?
I've had women flip out at me when I asked her to pay dutch or the whole FOURTH date (after I paid for the first three), so I'd imagine the relationship would be kiboshed the second I wanted to stay at home while she worked. Do women actually exist that would be fine with their husband staying at home if the situation called for it in short stints?
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