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Old 06-12-2013, 05:07 PM
 
Location: Finland
6,395 posts, read 5,790,333 times
Reputation: 10305

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Quote:
Originally Posted by SaintCabbage View Post
Our 2nd child, classic mistake, co-sleeping... I know, I know, we knew better, but we had our reasons. It started with very bad colic, breast feeding on the regular, pretty quickly the basinet was of no use and all of the sudden, we were co-sleeping on the regular.

We've made several attempts, he has his own room, we tried the crib, we even converted it to a toddler bed very early to give him the freedom to get up, but it's freak-out city.

I dont want to debate the "cry it out" tactic. I'm not willing to lock him in a room for an hour and hope he figures it out, I'm just not. I'm hoping for advise on techniques to gradually get him to not hate his room like we're taking him to Hell everytime we even walk towards his room.

A couple issues
1. He has a heart condition, so that's really why I'm not willing to allow him to scream bloody murder for an hour and just get over it eventually.
2. My wife is pregnant, we're due in December and our 2 yr old needs to be out of our bed and sleeping peacefully before then, preferably many months before.

We're running out of time and not even close. To compound things, he doesn't just sleep in our bed, he rolls around for hours, kicks, punches, slaps, lays all over us, it's Party in the USA in our bed to him. He sleeps poorly, we sleep poorly, it's bad. He also MUST be touching my wife at all times. Her face, her body, its freak out city if he cant be touching her. With a progressing pregnancy, him laying on top of her isn't going to work for a number of reasons.

I don't know what to do, he's old enough to understand he needs to sleep in his own his room like his older brother... or is he? I don't expect a radical change and acceptance overnight, but nothing works, I'm at a loss.

HELP!!
Do you mean he hates his room now? If thats the case then I think first you need to get him to like his room, to associate pleasant things with it so get a new toy or game that you play with him just in his room so he gets used to the room and feels happy there and then go with NJGOAT's second suggestion. Or if you don't mind him not going straight to sleep at bedtime and the room is toddler-proof then just leave him to play in his room until he falls asleep (if he will. works for my daughter anyway)
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Old 06-12-2013, 05:08 PM
 
850 posts, read 1,119,880 times
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Ever wonder how there are "kids" in their 40s STILL living with the parents? Not in the "gosh..the economy is horrible, so they keep moving back home" way, but rather in the "never left in the first place" way...THIS is how it starts - one or both of the parents coming up with all kinds of excuses as to why they can't detach.

"He HAS to be touching mommy"..seriously? What are you going to say when he's a teenager, and still has to have cuddle time in the bedroom with mommy?

He has a heart condition, so you can't leave him alone for a few hours, yet you're DESPERATE to leave him alone for a few hours? This isn't a tactic or method problem, this is a personal problem with you and/or your wife, and as long as you continue to come up with new and innovative excuses, you're never going to solve the problem.
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Old 06-12-2013, 05:18 PM
 
Location: Florida
5,934 posts, read 3,910,714 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by urbex View Post
Ever wonder how there are "kids" in their 40s STILL living with the parents? Not in the "gosh..the economy is horrible, so they keep moving back home" way, but rather in the "never left in the first place" way...THIS is how it starts - one or both of the parents coming up with all kinds of excuses as to why they can't detach.

"He HAS to be touching mommy"..seriously? What are you going to say when he's a teenager, and still has to have cuddle time in the bedroom with mommy?

He has a heart condition, so you can't leave him alone for a few hours, yet you're DESPERATE to leave him alone for a few hours? This isn't a tactic or method problem, this is a personal problem with you and/or your wife, and as long as you continue to come up with new and innovative excuses, you're never going to solve the problem.
I'm assuming that you did not practice "attachment parenting" with your children, if you have children... every parent who cosleeps knows that it doesn't work that way. Teens don't continue to cosleep, any more than they continue to breastfeed or drink from a bottle or sleep in a crib. It's developmentally appropriate for a two-year-old to want to sleep with mama; it's what mammals do with their young. Teenagers are a different story. As are 40-year-olds. Treating babies like babies does not equal treating teens like babies, and treating teens like teens does not equal treating your 40-year-old like a teen.
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Old 06-12-2013, 05:51 PM
 
7,475 posts, read 13,550,779 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SaintCabbage View Post
I appreciate the insight, I dont consider it trolling. We didn't co-sleep with our oldest and have little issue there. The heart condition is still up in the air. A somewhat normal and small hole in his heart never closed and when the doctor continues to say "that's weird, we'll keep an eye on that" I don't really want to risk it. We certainly don't prevent him from any type of normal activity or physical play, but I couldn't live with myself if an hour long intense screaming lesson resulted in some sort of really bad medical situation related to his heart. I would blame myself and don't want to risk it. It may sound like a bit much, but it's how I feel. Just seems like there should be a better way than locking them in, putting in ear phones and telling them "tough, I'm the boss around here". Especially at almost 2 years old, I feel like I could almost reason with him at this age, maybe I'm crazy.
Have you asked your doctor how much constraint your son's heart can take?
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Old 06-12-2013, 06:57 PM
 
611 posts, read 627,120 times
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Whether he has a special spot in your room or he's in his own room, try a mini-stereo/tape deck next to his bed with books on tape and soothing night-time music. Keep the device simple so he can feel like a big boy and operate it himself. Most libraries will have stories on tape or you could make it a special trip to the store to get some of his favorite stories. As well as pre-recorded stories, you or your wife could also record some stories so he hears your voice. When the stories are done, put some soft music on, rub his back for a little bit, then sit next to the bed and read a book or the newspaper, so that you are there, but not interactive. Using music to self-calm is a technique he could employ all his life.

Our kids also responded really well to deep pressure massage - get him to lie on his tummy and then use your hands to press firmly from the toes up the legs and spine, down the arms, squeeze the palms and fingers. The key was firm (but obviously not painful) pressure, seemed to help quieten nighttime anxiety. Also think carefully about the lighting in his room - is there enough light that he's not freaked out by shadows, but not so much that it keeps him awake?
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Old 06-12-2013, 07:36 PM
 
1,985 posts, read 2,805,129 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AnotherTouchOfWhimsy View Post
We did the bed-in-our-room thing when the second baby came along. The kids are pre-teens now and obviously each sleeps in his/her own bed. No regrets here; I enjoyed having them nearby when they were little. The "little" years go by fast.
I didn't kick out kids out of bed either. My ex and I had, eh, 'adult time' at other times and in other rooms.

My vote is: let him stay sleeping with you.
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Old 06-13-2013, 08:01 AM
 
1,168 posts, read 1,737,541 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by urbex View Post
Ever wonder how there are "kids" in their 40s STILL living with the parents? Not in the "gosh..the economy is horrible, so they keep moving back home" way, but rather in the "never left in the first place" way...THIS is how it starts - one or both of the parents coming up with all kinds of excuses as to why they can't detach.

"He HAS to be touching mommy"..seriously? What are you going to say when he's a teenager, and still has to have cuddle time in the bedroom with mommy?

He has a heart condition, so you can't leave him alone for a few hours, yet you're DESPERATE to leave him alone for a few hours? This isn't a tactic or method problem, this is a personal problem with you and/or your wife, and as long as you continue to come up with new and innovative excuses, you're never going to solve the problem.
Yeah, I need him out to make room for the next baby to co-sleep with! Come on.. my kids won't leave home because they co-slept with us before they have tangible long-term memories? I don't think so.

He doesnt HAVE to be touching her, he FREAKS out if he can't. Believe me, we dont want him to have that need. We've tried the PU/PD method for the last 3 nights, it's gotten easier each night. The HAVE to touch mommy bit is just about gone now. It's going to be a very slow transition, next is getting him off the bed into his own bed in our room, and then into his own room.

The tactic Natsku mentioned of baby-proofing his bedroom and letting him play until he falls asleep is what we did with our oldest and it does work. I think that's like frowned upon because lack of structure, etc, etc, but it does work. We just need the little guy to associate his room with a good place to be, not the evil you must go to sleep now place. My parents, and most old school parents probably hate this. But we live in the everyone gets a blue ribbon and there are no losers society so our children will never be in want of anything.... I really hate falling into that category...
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Old 06-13-2013, 08:05 AM
 
14,343 posts, read 10,604,115 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SaintCabbage View Post
He doesnt HAVE to be touching her, he FREAKS out if he can't.

Let me ask you this. If he FREAKED OUT because he could not have a cookie, would you react the same way that you are reacting to this freaking out? And if no, what is the difference? Do you really believe that at 2 he NEEDS to be touching her at all times? I will bet my last dollar that he manages to play without touching her constantly.
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Old 06-13-2013, 08:48 AM
 
1,168 posts, read 1,737,541 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by somebodynew View Post
Let me ask you this. If he FREAKED OUT because he could not have a cookie, would you react the same way that you are reacting to this freaking out? And if no, what is the difference? Do you really believe that at 2 he NEEDS to be touching her at all times? I will bet my last dollar that he manages to play without touching her constantly.
It's only at bed time, not all the time.
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Old 06-13-2013, 08:54 AM
 
Location: San Antonio, TX
11,311 posts, read 21,397,612 times
Reputation: 26965
My daughter used to insist on sleeping in my bed. If we kicked her out, she roamed the house screaming and crying at the top of her lungs all night. We eventually got her to move to a small bed in the corner of our bedroom, then to share a room with her big sister. When we moved, she made a huge fuss about having her own room, so she got one. She only sleeps in there when we force her to sleep there, and then she insists on taking benadryl to sleep. Most of the time, she sleeps in her big sister's bed. I bought a queen bed for our older daughter so there'd be room for both of them.

Maybe you can move your little guy in with his brother.
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