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Most children, especially boys love to roughhouse. It is an important social skill especially for young boys. Girls do it as well, but not as often as boys.
Just like to add my perfectly normal and well adjusted 31 year old son has told me some of his best early memories of sitting quietly in my lap and reading a book and being kissed and hugged. He feels it is because he was given so much physical tenderness early in life that he is a better person and partner and that he looks forward to holding and kissing his own kids just like he was hugged and kissed. Can't tell you how much this means to me.
He hugs and kisses on the lips both his father and me and his sisters in greetings and farewells. We love each other and are not afraid to show it. it starts early.
My husband claims im softening my son because i kiss and hug him all the time. He is defiantly a mamas boy but hes only 3 isnt he suppose to be? I let him sleep with us am I doing to much. Hes my only child.
Yes..most little ones DO cling to mama...ALL children need, and thrive when they are loved...nothing wrong with that...my little guys clung pretty close to mama till they were around 4 years. Enjoy him being with you cause before long he'll want to be with daddy all the time...I'm more concerned with your husbands attitude... Does he make it sound (to the child) like it's a "bad" way to be? wanting to be near you all the time? I hope not, because he'll just confuse the child, who really is too young to even try to understand the dynamics behind a daddy who's trying to pigeon hole him into what he feels is the "norm"...(sounds more like dad's just envious or jealous of his own child..) Maybe you could "ease" fathers concerns by gradually getting your little guy into his own bed at night...
Yes..most little ones DO cling to mama...ALL children need, and thrive when they are loved...nothing wrong with that...my little guys clung pretty close to mama till they were around 4 years. Enjoy him being with you cause before long he'll want to be with daddy all the time...I'm more concerned with your husbands attitude... Does he make it sound (to the child) like it's a "bad" way to be? wanting to be near you all the time? I hope not, because he'll just confuse the child, who really is too young to even try to understand the dynamics behind a daddy who's trying to pigeon hole him into what he feels is the "norm"...(sounds more like dad's just envious or jealous of his own child..) Maybe you could "ease" fathers concerns by gradually getting your little guy into his own bed at night...
Excellent points. Some men just don't understand that a young boy is no less "male" just because he wants to be with Mama. It saddens me when I hear some men say they will wait till the son is older and then start the Father Son bonding. It should start at birth and slowly develop into more mature manifestations. Nothing more healthy for a young boy than cuddling and loving on his Dad and men who are uncomfortable with that sure are missing a lot.
Yes..most little ones DO cling to mama...ALL children need, and thrive when they are loved...nothing wrong with that...my little guys clung pretty close to mama till they were around 4 years. Enjoy him being with you cause before long he'll want to be with daddy all the time...I'm more concerned with your husbands attitude... Does he make it sound (to the child) like it's a "bad" way to be? wanting to be near you all the time? I hope not, because he'll just confuse the child, who really is too young to even try to understand the dynamics behind a daddy who's trying to pigeon hole him into what he feels is the "norm"...(sounds more like dad's just envious or jealous of his own child..) Maybe you could "ease" fathers concerns by gradually getting your little guy into his own bed at night...
The boy is okay as long as he doesn't get all cuddly with his father. Then yes, he'll turn into a sissy.
I agree that the father shouldn't seek to "correct" the child in some way when he wants to be near his mother, even if all the time; that's the mother's job whenever such correction is called for. But the two parents must agree on some very clear guidelines when it comes to what ways, how often, and in what situations they should show less affection and more of some other approach the child may need instead. Because I still think there is a such thing as going overboard with it, even disregarding their independence level in terms of play and cognitive functioning. Too much affection on a regular basis can and likely will get a child "hooked" so that they become upset when either you begin toning it down or they see that "the real world" won't provide anything close to it. And before you chalk any of this up to me being a guy, please note that I'm 100% for fathers and mothers being equally affectionate and "cuddly" with their sons. I don't think it matters one bit which parent this comes from, so long as the child is able to transition from one phase of their childhood to the next. Preparing kids for interactions with other people is what it's all about, after all.
Quote:
Originally Posted by JayN
The boy is okay as long as he doesn't get all cuddly with his father. Then yes, he'll turn into a sissy.
How is this more likely to come from being "all cuddly" with his father than being "all cuddly" with his mother? I think perhaps you are meaning to suggest the father will turn into a "sissy", defined it would seem for the purposes of this thread as a man who can show his son that he loves him.
Our disagreement is in the wording. I didn't consider never letting him do "simple things for himself" as one kind of thing. I considered it various kinds, but I can see why you would interpret it differently.
Not letting him do any or most simple things for himself = makes him a mama's boy.
Not letting him do a certain and specific simple thing for himself = makes him incompetent in that specific skill.
Not letting him do a very miniscule percentage of simple things for himself = makes little difference.
No one instance of doing something for a child that he/she can do for him/herself will make a kid too soft. And I also think that even hugging and kissing too often (like, almost all day) would be a mistake, no matter how competent and well-behaved they are while they're getting all the affection. Sooner or later, the affection won't be there for them, and it will be a drastic change from what they've grown accustomed to. That's just not what you want to put your child through. They should learn to be independent emotionally as well as physically/mentally. It's all the more reason to "baby" your kid in moderation, so they'll know you're there for them in general (in various ways) but you won't be there to do it all for them, so they'd better be prepared to take charge of any situation, whether it requires physical effort, mental effort, or efforts at regulating their own emotions.
Pretty specific theories and definitions here, but not one shred of scientific evidence for any of that.
The boy is okay as long as he doesn't get all cuddly with his father. Then yes, he'll turn into a sissy.
Boy- that is just the kind of attitude i was lamenting. Little boys (and girls) need lots of physical affection. Most men I know enjoy very much the cuddles and softer times, especially at bed time, with their children-male or female.
So if a little boy who cuddles with his father turns into a sissy, what happens to a little girl who cuddles with her mother? It's about nurturing and showing affection. There is an appropriate time and place and age for this of course but affection is never wrong.
My DH was of a generation where physical affection between a father and little boy was taboo and he thinks he suffered a great deal because of that. With his own sons(and daughters) he was determined to correct the mistakes of past generations and everybody concerned thinks it was a much improved dynamic.
Even his own father commented on how he wished he had been more affectionate with his kids when they were little and he complimented DH on his fathering skills.
The boy is okay as long as he doesn't get all cuddly with his father. Then yes, he'll turn into a sissy.
Yep...getting cuddles and hugs fom deir pappies is what made all dem dar sissy boys...
One of the most bad-ass people I know...he was a sniper and SORT team member in a Federal maxmimum security prison and is now an Air Marshal...was raised by his dad as a single parent. His dad was a former biker gang member and all around tough guy who has more stories of bar brawls, women and time in jail than you can shake a stick at. He left all that to raise his son. His words...biker gang dad that is..."you can never tell your son how much you love him and hug him too much...the real insecure *sissies* (he doesn't say sissies) are the ones that think there's something wrong with hugging their own son and telling him that they love him."
Hugging and cuddling between a father and son doesn't make the son a sissy. However, dad refusing to express real emotion and show his son how much he loves him can do a lot of damage.
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