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My 12 year old daughter has a friend who goes and hangs out at the mall, her Father goes with her and follows her from store to store or so the story goes.
I told her I didn't care if her Father did follow them around. I told her, "do you remember how there are always police officers standing around the mall? They are hired to be there because of kids like that."
This is simply NOT something I will be allowing her to do.
WOW! Maybe you will next year. I don't know what age you were allowed to socialize as a young person, but I think I was 13, and that was the norm then (20 years ago) to get dropped off at the mall, and this with no adult. I actually came from a very strict household. If you don't allow your child to do some socializing they will find a way to do so without your permission.
Key here is the maturity of your child, and whether or not she has been taught about the world. What I mean is that parents often feel they are protecting their children by not letting them know about what some very bad people can do to a child, but on the contrary being aware is sooooo necessary to her safety now and for the rest of her life. I am sure you would rather have a talk and explain some of this to her, than have some bad thing happen to her because she was sheltered to the point of not knowing about the world.
I understand being concerned about your daughter, you should be. Maybe there is a way that you can allow her to have a little social freedom and give you peace of mind for instance (just an idea) let her use a cell phone to text you every hour about her wherabouts and safety.
I say no, make your home a place that the children can hang out and let them enjoy your home.
Retailers and customers do not like the kids hanging around at the mall, and its really not safe for your child to be there for a couple of hours with no supervision.
We allowed it and it was probably the biggest mistake we made with our child as a young teen.
WOW! Maybe you will next year. I don't know what age you were allowed to socialize as a young person, but I think I was 13, and that was the norm then (20 years ago) to get dropped off at the mall, and this with no adult. I actually came from a very strict household. If you don't allow your child to do some socializing they will find a way to do so without your permission.
Key here is the maturity of your child, and whether or not she has been taught about the world. What I mean is that parents often feel they are protecting their children by not letting them know about what some very bad people can do to a child, but on the contrary being aware is sooooo necessary to her safety now and for the rest of her life. I am sure you would rather have a talk and explain some of this to her, than have some bad thing happen to her because she was sheltered to the point of not knowing about the world.
I understand being concerned about your daughter, you should be. Maybe there is a way that you can allow her to have a little social freedom and give you peace of mind for instance (just an idea) let her use a cell phone to text you every hour about her wherabouts and safety.
I will NOT be allowing her to hang out at the mall or the theatre next year either.
She gets plenty of socializing in our neighborhood and school. In fact she is going bowling with a family that I trust tomorrow.
At this age, their brains are NOT engaged, proven scientific fact, no way I would want her in that situation. Not just because she might make the wrong choice but who knows what those around her are going to do.
Back when she was 10 years old I caught a guy leering at her and he was about to reach out and touch her, he was 50 if he was a day. I thought I was going to have to punch him right there in the gas station.
I see no problems with it. Isn't that part of the purpose of malls? To give teens somewhere to go? (just kidding, but only to a point) It's one thing if you knew that she and her friends were getting into trouble, but most teens, even the young ones, don't. Malls are filled with stores that cater to just that demographic, so I think the concern that retailer don't want young teens hanging around is not true in most cases, or if some places (the stores geared towards adults) don't like it, well, that just comes with the territory of locating in a mall. They know that. I doubt your daughter will be hanging out in Eddie Bauer or Ann Taylor and annoying their customers.
An average 12 year old is old enough to spend a couple of hours alone with a friend at a mall. I actually find it weirder (not creepy weird, just odd weird) that the dad goes along to follow them from store to store. You've got to give them freedom as they grow older, and this is a pretty safe way to introduce a greater level of independence.
If for some reason you feared that her friends were a bad influence, or that they were causing problems, then it might be a different story.
Hanging out at the mall for several hours is the last thing I want to do with my free time, but I can see the appeal to a young person, especially if it represents a taste of (age-appropriate, I believe) independence. Maybe an alternative would be for a parent to go to the mall, too, let the kids go off on their own, and meet up together at a given time. That would be sort of an intermediate step.
My 12 year old daughter has a friend who goes and hangs out at the mall, her Father goes with her and follows her from store to store or so the story goes.
I told her I didn't care if her Father did follow them around. I told her, "do you remember how there are always police officers standing around the mall? They are hired to be there because of kids like that."
This is simply NOT something I will be allowing her to do.
Do you guys let her kids hang out at the mall??
I let my older 2 kids (13, 15) go to the mall to shop but not just to hang out. I give them money (or they take their own), they usually meet a friend and then I make a time to meet them (an hour or 90 min). I only allow them to go when they are actually shopping for something.
If my kids want to "hang out" somewhere they can do so at my house or at the community pool. They can go to the beach. They can see a movie. They can go ice skating. There are lots of things I allow them to do but I don't allow them to just "hang out" at the mall.
My 12 year old daughter has a friend who goes and hangs out at the mall, her Father goes with her and follows her from store to store or so the story goes.
I told her I didn't care if her Father did follow them around. I told her, "do you remember how there are always police officers standing around the mall? They are hired to be there because of kids like that."
This is simply NOT something I will be allowing her to do.
Do you guys let her kids hang out at the mall??
When I see teenagers who are walking around with their clothes falling off or running around & swearing, I always wonder "Where are the parents and why are they allowing this?" It's sad for the kids.
I don't know if it was nice to compare her friend to what the police are watching out for though. That was sort of harsh & not sure how a 12yr old mind processes that comment about friends, especially when friends at that age are the everything.
If you don't care for her friend, are you minimizing interaction and properly explaining to your daughter the reason? I had my best friend at that age start smoking. My mom went nuts. I remember her sitting with me at the table & explaining to me why I could not go to her house anymore.
There are much better & healthier things to do than "hang out at the mall" but let's give credit where credit is due...some teenagers do go to the mall to buy clothes or look at things and have proper supervision. Not every 12yr old at the mall is riff raff....
WOW! Maybe you will next year. I don't know what age you were allowed to socialize as a young person, but I think I was 13, and that was the norm then (20 years ago) to get dropped off at the mall, and this with no adult. I actually came from a very strict household. If you don't allow your child to do some socializing they will find a way to do so without your permission.
Key here is the maturity of your child, and whether or not she has been taught about the world. What I mean is that parents often feel they are protecting their children by not letting them know about what some very bad people can do to a child, but on the contrary being aware is sooooo necessary to her safety now and for the rest of her life. I am sure you would rather have a talk and explain some of this to her, than have some bad thing happen to her because she was sheltered to the point of not knowing about the world.
I understand being concerned about your daughter, you should be. Maybe there is a way that you can allow her to have a little social freedom and give you peace of mind for instance (just an idea) let her use a cell phone to text you every hour about her wherabouts and safety.
I agree with your main point about letting kids socialize but I think there are better places than the mall. The beach, the pool, the movies, ice or roller skating rinks, game arcades, etc. are better places for kids to congregate than the mall (IMO). Around here the kids who just "hang out" at the mall are not the best kids.
It's important for kids that age to feel like they fit in. By not allowing her to socialize with her friends while she shops, you are ostracizing her from her peer group. I think letting her go with her friend whose father is watching over them would be a fine thing. Running around loose without being supervised, no. But if the dad is there, I think that's fine.
Cut the apron strings, stop being overprotective, and let her have a little social time without you hovering.
I did not allow my kids to hang out at the mall. They are now 16 and 18 and have suffered no damage as the result of their mother's overprotectiveness and ostracizing them from their peers at the mall.
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