Do you make your kids say yes ma'am/no ma'am yes sir/no sir
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Again, you completely ignore the fact that you could be making someone uncomfortable, because you are showing off how polite you are, and would rather flaunt that you are superior to the rest of us, rather than actually being polite in a different way if the situation calls for it.
You confuse particular terms with politeness and manners. Polite is a frame of mind, not a singular form of address.
So being polite may make someone uncomfortable because they don't have good manners? Obviously there is a degree of inferiority if being around "polite" people makes you feel uncomfortable. I get it.
And yes polite is a frame of mind but to some of us it is ALSO a manner of address. We are not saying people who do not use or teach sir and ma'am are rubes. We simply prefer to continue how we were raised with our own children.
So being polite may make someone uncomfortable because they don't have good manners? Obviously there is a degree of inferiority if being around "polite" people makes you feel uncomfortable. I get it.
And yes polite is a frame of mind but to some of us it is ALSO a manner of address. We are not saying people who do not use or teach sir and ma'am are rubes. We simply prefer to continue how we were raised with our own children.
No. Calling someone ma'am when it makes them feel uncomfortable because you can't budge from your rigid stance is not polite. Some people DO NOT LIKE being called ma'am. It's not because they aren't polite, it's because it makes them feel old.
There are certain corporate environments - young tech startups, entertainment businesses, film and tv - where people never use those terms with their superiors. Ever. If you do, they'll ask you to quit it. So it's not always appropriate. There are certain times when addressing people as if they're older is not done.
I don't understand why up you can't get that sir and ma'am are not the ONLY polite way of addressing people. They aren't.
So being polite may make someone uncomfortable because they don't have good manners? Obviously there is a degree of inferiority if being around "polite" people makes you feel uncomfortable. I get it.
And yes polite is a frame of mind but to some of us it is ALSO a manner of address. We are not saying people who do not use or teach sir and ma'am are rubes. We simply prefer to continue how we were raised with our own children.
Come on. Are you really going to pretend that manners are not culturally specific?
Even Miss Manners is going to tell you if you insist upon making someone uncomfortable just so you can be comfortable yourself that is bad manners. So if someone says to you "please call me X" and you insist upon calling them sir or ma'am YOU are the one being rude.
This custom is completely unknown in Canada. I taught my 8 kids to be extremely polite in all situations but we just don't use the mam, sir stuff in normal situations. We do address people as Mr., Miss or Mrs. so and so in a formal situation as in school or the workplace.
I would imagine, that many of the people who were raised using the terms Sir and Ma'am, do exhibit good manners. That being said, would it not seem logical that they would also have good enough manners, to stop calling someone Ma'am or Sir, if they were asked to?
It doesn't matter whether you use Sir, Ma'am, Ms., Miss., Mr., or any number of other "terms" of greeting. They're only words. It's all about the respect and sincerity behind the speech. If there isn't sincerity behind the words, the receiver isn't going to fall for it, anyway. If there is a good and sincere attitude behind their words, I couldn't care less which ones they use. If it makes me feel too uncomfortable, I'll tell them what to call me...or I'll choose to ignore it.
Having 4 children, I've had a whole lot of kids through this house. Some have been very well-mannered children and some, well.....let's just say that "You know who their parents are". **It's a fairly small community.
I have only come across one young man who had to be reminded to call me by my first name, more than once. Nice, nice kid! He was raised by very polite parents...and both of THEIR families were the Mr. and Mrs. "last name" and Sir/Ma'am folks.
My kids had really good manners, and etiquette had always been a part of their upbringing. This kid had impeccable manners! Unfortunately, the parents had failed to teach him that some people would rather be called by their first names. When I said, "Excuse me, ______, please don't call me Mrs. _____. I would much rather you simply call me Mel. Mrs. _____ makes me feel like I'm an old lady, who is just Mrs. Somebody. I'm not just Mrs. Somebody...I am Mel."
Talk about a deer in the headlights! This kid was absolutely shell shocked, had absolutely no idea what to do NOW!! That's ONE kid. It has been well over 10 years and I still haven't met another one like him. The next time he came to the house, he came in and said, "Good afternoon, Mrs. __, how are you today?" I said, "Good afternoon ____, did you forget my first name?" He turned beet red and said, "Um, is it ____?" I said, "Yes, now get real familiar with it, because that's what you'll be calling me, from now on!" Guess what? That kid became a member of our family and I became his second mom. To this day, all grown up....professional industrial electrician, that man still stops by when he's in town...and doesn't call me Mel very often, it's usually just "Mom".
Again, and I know this has gotten long....most of us who are instilling good manners, even if we're using terms which seem antiquated to others, are teaching them that individuals have a preference. We've raised them to understand that some people will let you know that they prefer to be addressed in a different manner. They've been taught that it is important to respect that person's wishes. To do otherwise is rude, isn't it? Why in the world, would we try so hard to raise polite, well-mannered, rude children? Yeah, kind of contradictory, isn't it? How insulting and rude, to think otherwise.
I thought of you yesterday. I was watching TMZ and Harvey Levin told a story about something that happened when he was a kid. He was watching adults do something and said to one of them, "Hey Mister......."
We're both from Southern California and are the same generation. He also grew up in a family that, I suspect, valued manners. It didn't surprise me a bit he used, "Hey, Mister." We all did.
(Harvey didn't finish the story by saying, "Boy, did that guy tell me off for saying, Hey Mister."
I'm young I'm nearly 22 but I was raised to say yes ma'am/no ma'am yes sir/no sir. I mean I don't say it all the time sometimes when my mom addresses me I say "Yes mother" but always in a respectful tone. "What" and "huh" were never allowed unless you wanted to get slapped across the room (just kidding but you get the point). "Yes" was generally acceptable if you said it in the right tone. My parents weren't too strict about ma'am and sir but they did expect to be addressed respectfully. However, since my parents are getting older though I do try to make it a routine habit to address them as only ma'am and sir because that's just proper respect. Anyways I do want to raise my kids to say ma'am and sir. What do you guys think? I know in 2013 that's generally not the norm for today's kids but do you make your kids say ma'am/sir? Only to elderly? Just curious.......
Yes, he knows he has to treat strangers by Sir and Ma'am. I also despise all the "Daddy" thing so he calls me "Father".
So being polite may make someone uncomfortable because they don't have good manners? Obviously there is a degree of inferiority if being around "polite" people makes you feel uncomfortable. I get it.
And yes polite is a frame of mind but to some of us it is ALSO a manner of address. We are not saying people who do not use or teach sir and ma'am are rubes. We simply prefer to continue how we were raised with our own children.
Unless I am misunderstanding your point, this is the stuff that, despite your insistance that you don't judge those who don't use ma'am and sir, makes it appear that actually, you DO judge.
And while I was taught that "hey/hay is for horses", I really don't see anything rude with a person (especially a small child) saying "Hey Mister" when addressing a man he doesn't know. It really depends on the situation and tone. A small child in the grocery store, asking a stranger to reach something, saying "hey mister, could you please reach that?" followed by "thanks!" isn't rude. Might "excuse me mister..." be more proper? Sure. Was the child actually RUDE? No.
Perhaps someone can explain how that is actually rude...?
Last edited by maciesmom; 07-31-2013 at 04:37 PM..
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**It's a fairly small community. 
He turned beet red and said, "Um, is it ____?" I said, "Yes, now get real familiar with it, because that's what you'll be calling me, from now on!" 
