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One thing that hasn't been mentioned is military families. Oftentimes saying "ma'am" and "sir" are used by those who were raised in a household where one or both parents were in the military. My husband is one such person. He always says "sir" to men he doesn't know. The older men really appreciate it. He uses "miss" now because he knows most women don't like "ma'am."
We've discussed this with regard to children and have agreed to Mr. or Mrs. "first name" until they become adults. I'll teach that "sir" and "miss" are appropriate for certain situations, but that's about it.
But respect doesn't automatically occur with the use of these terms. FWIW, I never used "Mr." or "Mrs." or "ma'am" or "sir" and even answered with "what" throughout my childhood but always gave my elders respect outside of these terms. I always showed respect in spite of not using certain words. However, now with social media, I think it's very important to teach children some respectful terms because in-person social interactions are more limited than in the past, and today's youth's behaviors mimic their "instagram, text message, tweet" culture.
My father was Army Officer for more than 30 years and both parents were Southern so you better believe I was raised to say Sir And Ma'am. And I raised and am raising my last kids to speak that way. I think it makes a big difference in how adults respond to children when children show such respect. We were never allowed to say "What?". It had to be "sir?' or "ma'am". When I got to be a young adult and continued to address adults the way I was taught i soon learned many did not like it telling me they thought it made them sound too old. To this day I use sir and ma'am regardless of the age of the person I'm speaking with. Old habits die hard.
It's also Southern for kids to call adults "miss Sally" or "mr. Albert" (Once knew a non southern very conservative woman who was insulted when kids called her Miss Ann and made them call her Mrs. Ann-it sounded so rigid and silly. She did not understand it had nothing whatsoever to do with marital status.)
When people ask me what their kids should call me I tell them No Kudzu is just fine but I always appreciate being asked.
Have to laugh on this. We moved from a very southern region where my kids had to say this even in school or they would be reprimanded. Whenever we saw my parents my dad said he did not like this since if you know a persons name then you should use it. Ex: No Grandpa instead of no sir his whole philosophy was it was a cop out and not many children can call him grandpa. I understand when you get into the military that is a sign of respect but with children's minds shouldn't they be broadened with remembering Mrs. Smith lives next door instead of Ma'am? Good Luck in your question. This was 5yrs ago so there are areas of the south that still believe in this today and are encouraging it whole heartedly.
I was raised to show respect for my elders and my children are as well. I also work with children and they are not allowed to call me by my first name unless they put a "Mr" in front of it. I demand the "sir" as well. It will help them throughout life to have manners and respect. I still open the door for females too. Don't ware a hat in the house either. It's just decent manners and I expect it from those around me. When I was in a hiring position the quickest way to not get a job was to walk into my office with a hat on or say "what" to me. If you don't have common respect for people I am not going to gamble that you will respect the job I have to offer. But that's just me.
Something funny is when I have to travel into the northern parts of the country, is watching people look at me when I hold the door for women and speak to everyone I meet. Of course I turn on the accent a bit for them and use "How ya'll doin'". They seem to like it. And the service I get at restaurants by giving the waitress a little respect.
I live in the South now, but in an area where there seem to be more transplants from other areas (including myself) than natives to the area. So I don't hear a lot of people using sir and ma'am too much. I don't think I ever said it myself until I started taking martial arts classes, where we compulsively say "yes sir" and "thank you sir" all the time. After being in the class for a while, I found myself using "yes sir" and "yes ma'am" out in public more often too. This is mostly with strangers. I can't picture using it with someone whose name I know.
My kids are now in the martial arts class with me, so they are learning to say sir in the same context that I did. I have also told them that if they need to address someone whose name they don't know, that sir or ma'am would be appropriate. But I don't encourage them to use it regularly, and certainly not to me. We want our kids to call us Mommy and Daddy, not sir and ma'am.
I was raised addressing people as Sir/Ma'am or Mr/Mrs. My preference for my own kids is to display a respectful attitude to whom they are addressing by looking at the person they are talking to, and paying attention. They address people according to how that person likes to be addressed, or by how well they know them. My preference is to be called by my first name, but in my community most people do not encourage that. I don't get bent out of shape by address.
. But I don't encourage them to use it regularly, and certainly not to me. We want our kids to call us Mommy and Daddy, not sir and ma'am.
Just because parents request their children use sir and ma'am doesn't mean they don't call their parents Mommy and Daddy or Mom and Dad. My kids would say yes Ma'am when I ask a question, not Yes Mama but they don't call for me by saying "sir" or Ma'am".
Just because parents request their children use sir and ma'am doesn't mean they don't call their parents Mommy and Daddy or Mom and Dad. My kids would say yes Ma'am when I ask a question, not Yes Mama but they don't call for me by saying "sir" or Ma'am".
Absolutely. Even "mommy" and "daddy" show respect.
I don't. I didn't grow up using those terms myself so I don't make my kids use them.
Not "yes ma'am" or "no sir" anyhow -- but if you need to ask something of an older person that you don't know, my kids will use "excuse me ma'am" or "sir could you tell me where such and such is".
I'm in line with this.
I prefer "Yes" over "Yes sir". My wife and my mother both prefer "Yes" over "Yes ma'am".
Why can't those who say they do not teach their kids to say sir or ma'am resist tossing a pejorative "robotic kids" or Eddie Haskell comment?
To be fair only a couple of posters did that. Just like a couple of posters indicated that the non-use indicated a lack of manners or respect:
Quote:
Originally Posted by Huckleberry3911948
it sounds stupid to x generation. but then again they are not that into manners.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Amisi
No "sir or ma'am" from my daughter. However, I do make her address adults (even her friends' parents ) as Mr _____ or Mrs _____.
I HATE when children/teenagers call adults by their first name. It just shows a lack of respect and boundaries.
Quote:
Originally Posted by balunman
I was raised to show respect for my elders and my children are as well. I also work with children and they are not allowed to call me by my first name unless they put a "Mr" in front of it. I demand the "sir" as well. It will help them throughout life to have manners and respect. I still open the door for females too. Don't ware a hat in the house either. It's just decent manners and I expect it from those around me. When I was in a hiring position the quickest way to not get a job was to walk into my office with a hat on or say "what" to me. If you don't have common respect for people I am not going to gamble that you will respect the job I have to offer. But that's just me.
Something funny is when I have to travel into the northern parts of the country, is watching people look at me when I hold the door for women and speak to everyone I meet. Of course I turn on the accent a bit for them and use "How ya'll doin'". They seem to like it. And the service I get at restaurants by giving the waitress a little respect.
******
I think the thing is, whatever your ear is not used to hearing, sounds odd either way. If you are not used to hearing ma'am and sir on a regular basis it may very well sound robotic and/or insincere. Conversely, if you are used to hearing it, the lack of usage may very well sound rude or disrespectful. The thing to remember is that neither one is necessarily the case and making snap judgements is not usually a good idea.
And for the record, I come from a military background and very few kids I knew with military fathers (moms were pretty unheard of in the military when I grew up) ever said ma'am or sir (unless they were in trouble or on the verge). Unless of course, their parents had Southern backgrounds.
Last edited by maciesmom; 07-24-2013 at 08:51 AM..
I'm young I'm nearly 22 but I was raised to say yes ma'am/no ma'am yes sir/no sir. I mean I don't say it all the time sometimes when my mom addresses me I say "Yes mother" but always in a respectful tone. "What" and "huh" were never allowed unless you wanted to get slapped across the room (just kidding but you get the point). "Yes" was generally acceptable if you said it in the right tone. My parents weren't too strict about ma'am and sir but they did expect to be addressed respectfully. However, since my parents are getting older though I do try to make it a routine habit to address them as only ma'am and sir because that's just proper respect. Anyways I do want to raise my kids to say ma'am and sir. What do you guys think? I know in 2013 that's generally not the norm for today's kids but do you make your kids say ma'am/sir? Only to elderly? Just curious.......
No, we don't raise our kids to say those things. It's not what you say, it's how you say it. It's the feeling behind the words which can be sensed from inflection, body language, facial expression, and eyes.
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