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Most people here use Miss or Mrs. to address a woman, not ma'am. Ma'am is isn't necessarily an insult but it is associated with advanced age. Sir is used but mainly in customer service or when addressing someone in a position of authority. My son will learn the norms for this area.
I "Ma'am" 23 year olds and 18 year olds and 77 year olds, and I am 54. It ISN'T about age, but respecting someone.
I think that "Ma'am" IS the middle ground in manners.
Perhaps where you live, but certainly not everywhere. In many parts of the country, one can be considered good mannered and respectful even without using ma'am or sir.
For me, the best approach is to model manners that are pertinent to the given situation.
I don't call ladies of a certain age in Hollywood who've obviously had work done in an effort to hold on to their youth m'am. I do say "excuse me Sir" when asking directions of the be hatted and well dressed elderly gentleman from the neighborhood in Philly.
I call my kid's teachers Ms or Mr or Coach in front of my kid even after I know them well enough to use their first names. Most of my friends are perfectly happy with first names for my child, but our 95 year old neighbor is always Miss Renee (at our insistence, not hers).
If you want to be polite, and we do, then I reckon you've really got to adjust your manners to your environment. One size does not fit all. But it does take awareness of your surroundings, and the willingness to not be stubborn.
Rather than being offended by being called something that makes you feel old, you can take a different tact.
These could work so long as they are said with a smile!
"My Dad is a sir, call me Bob"
"Save the ma'am for when my hair turns blue, you can call me Miss Russell"
It could work....
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