Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Thanks for those who provide useful posts like this. I wish I could give you ten reputation bumps.
Or, in other words, thanks for letting me off the hook as a father, and agreeing that this isn't a big deal. FAIL.
While I agree all normally good kids can make mistakes, I haven't come across a parent who so blindly abdicates his responsibility to make sure it isn't repeated. All you've done, since your initial post laying out the facts, is make excuses for him.
His teammates are PO'd at him? According to you, that's who he was partying with! Head, meet sand.
Ugh I don't like the AA thing. AA is actually a positive place where people share ways to live as a non drinker, they don't sit around talking war stories and scaring people. And they aren't exhibits. I suppose if your friend is taking him it's okay. I would personally prefer that he shares his personal experience one on one. I think that there's a chance that if he goes to an AA meeting he'll just feel okay about himself, because what the people there are going through will be so outside his frame of reference that he won't be able to relate.
His thinking could well end up being something along the lines of "well I'm not like that, so I've nothing to worry about".
Better to focus on the consequence of HIS actions, not something that will hopefully never befall him.
While it is a seriously dangerous thing to do, some people do not seem to understand all driving is dangerous and can result in deaths. Driving after drinking is somewhat more dangerous, to extremely more dangerous depending on the level of drinking....
The vast majority of this post is a bunch of excuses and denials. I don't say that to be cruel, but I really hope you'll take a step back and LOOK at what you just wrote. You are making excuses for the boy. He screwed up. He needs to feel the consequences of that screw-up, not keep having you make excuses for how it was wrong BUT all driving is dangerous. Sure he messed up BUT he's such a good kid. Yeah, he endangered innocent people BUT he wasn't as drunk as he could've been.
You are sending the wrong message. You are trying to soften what he did. Mistake. Next time could be much worse if you keep sending the message this was no big deal (which is what you're getting across by making so many excuses for him, even if you don't recognize that right now.)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Coldjensens
And yes, we really do not believe that was his first drink, but we do know he does not regularly drink. While he does not hang out with the partier types, he has certainly been to parties where kids are drinking and he drives them home on occasions (because I told him to, even if they are kids he does not like)...
Again, I would question why you would allow him to go to parties where they're drinking, and to be out until 3 AM. Like another poster, at that age, I had to be home by midnight on the weekends, 10 PM on school nights. My father always used to say nothing good happened after midnight...
Quote:
Originally Posted by Coldjensens
He has agreed to attend a couple of AA meetings. We want him to hear first hand how much drinking can ruin your life. We have a friend in AA who will bring him along. I am told they really know how to scare some sense into kids. Drunk driving is really really bad, but I do not want him drinking at all. he has too much to lose.
I think if you allow him to keep driving the car and think attending meetings with older men he can't relate to will solve something, you're making a huge mistake. Do you know why other countries have much lower levels of drunk driving than the US? They have real consequences. You lose your privilege to drive. You're not even slapping his wrist. I'd take it away for 6 months completely. Let the lesson sink in when he has to bike everywhere.
The vast majority of this post is a bunch of excuses and denials. I don't say that to be cruel, but I really hope you'll take a step back and LOOK at what you just wrote. You are making excuses for the boy. He screwed up. He needs to feel the consequences of that screw-up, not keep having you make excuses for how it was wrong BUT all driving is dangerous. Sure he messed up BUT he's such a good kid. Yeah, he endangered innocent people BUT he wasn't as drunk as he could've been.
You are sending the wrong message. You are trying to soften what he did. Mistake. Next time could be much worse if you keep sending the message this was no big deal (which is what you're getting across by making so many excuses for him, even if you don't recognize that right now.)
Again, I would question why you would allow him to go to parties where they're drinking, and to be out until 3 AM. Like another poster, at that age, I had to be home by midnight on the weekends, 10 PM on school nights. My father always used to say nothing good happened after midnight...
I think if you allow him to keep driving the car and think attending meetings with older men he can't relate to will solve something, you're making a huge mistake. Do you know why other countries have much lower levels of drunk driving than the US? They have real consequences. You lose your privilege to drive. You're not even slapping his wrist. I'd take it away for 6 months completely. Let the lesson sink in when he has to bike everywhere.
Well I guess we will just disagree. I think you are 100% wrong on all of your assumptions about me and about what will work and will not work with teens. It appears you have no understanding of the differences in degree of risk and/or violations. It also looks to me like you do not know anything about teenagers today. I do not see overreacting as a solution and do not see logic in these suggestions and assumptions. When you start off with assumptions without foundation, it minimizes credibility with me. Posts that start off with reasoning instead of assumptions and attacks get more credence.
Well we are all different. That is what makes this world so cool.
Looking to see what laws other countries have I learned something.
Now I see why he did not get a DUI. 0.02 is not drunk driving. It starts at 0.08. At least according to Wiki. However it also says most states have a mandatory suspension for anyone under 21 with any detectable BAL.
I wonder if that means the police lied to us when they said they gave him a break. Maybe they could have cited him with something that would resulted in an immediate suspension, that is not clear, but apparently it would not be DUI.
In Germany he woudl get a 250 euro fine, not a suspension. Here it appears they are likely to automatically suspend his license (maybe that is what can be negotiated with the prosecutor). In the case of Germany - our laws are more strict. At least for youngsters. I did not read beyond that. I did see China has very strict laws, but nothing for 0.02. Apparently he would not even be in trouble there.
I did not realize how low 0.02 is. I wonder if cough syrup would give oyu that level.
Underage consumption of alcohol, followed by getting behind the wheel, is zero tolerance. What the h^*l difference does it make if he had one or three? Obviously, you don't care. Good luck.
Looking to see what laws other countries have I learned something.
Now I see why he did not get a DUI. 0.02 is not drunk driving. It starts at 0.08. At least according to Wiki. However it also says most states have a mandatory suspension for anyone under 21 with any detectable BAL.
I wonder if that means the police lied to us when they said they gave him a break. Maybe they could have cited him with something that would resulted in an immediate suspension, that is not clear, but apparently it would not be DUI.
In Germany he woudl get a 250 euro fine, not a suspension. Here it appears they are likely to automatically suspend his license (maybe that is what can be negotiated with the prosecutor). In the case of Germany - our laws are more strict. At least for youngsters. I did not read beyond that. I did see China has very strict laws, but nothing for 0.02. Apparently he would not even be in trouble there.
I did not realize how low 0.02 is. I wonder if cough syrup would give oyu that level.
Wow, that's a pretty impressive list of denials, excuses, and minimizing what he did because he's such a special snowflake. I wonder if you keep talking yourself in circles, if you could fix it up in your mind where the boy should actually get some kind of medal for driving after drinking? Do they make those now?
I know you only posted here in the hopes someone would pat your back, but for the sake of your son, even if you bluster around on here about logic in an attempt to stick your fingers in your ears, and say no one knows anything about teenagers except you, I hope you'll think about the seriousness of this. He could've killed someone. You keep treating this like he's just misunderstood, and maybe next time he will.
Whatever. I've been there, in a courtroom with a teen charged with underage drinking. I'm certainly not speaking from a holier than thou viewpoint. I was willing to take your word for it that your son is a good kid who made a one time mistake. All kids seem to.
What really bugs me is you, making excuses for him and looking for loopholes to minimize his actions. I'm sorry if that offends you.
Whatever. I've been there, in a courtroom with a teen charged with underage drinking. I'm certainly not speaking from a holier than thou viewpoint. I was willing to take your word for it that your son is a good kid who made a one time mistake. All kids seem to.
What really bugs me is you, making excuses for him and looking for loopholes to minimize his actions. I'm sorry if that offends you.
This. No one is advocating the boy should be shipped to Siberia for a decade. However, many are trying to convey to you that you need to take this seriously, not try to find some sort of "out" because you can't stand the idea of facing what he did. The more responses you type, the more this seems to be about you and your history at his age, rather than him.
Allowing him to keep driving the car, allowing him to stay out until 3 AM, and thinking him missing some sports trip to Canada is so awful you can't even consider it is, IMHO, foolhardy. This could've had lifelong consequences, and you're focused on sports? Really?
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
