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No, you don't get my point, but it's good that the post will be relevant to step-parenting which is a part of this topic.
It is an universal attitude that encompasses the gender. Step-parents will, as a general rule, treat their step-children in poorer/worse manner than their own biological children. The common notion are stories where the step-daughter gets beat up regularly when her stepmother is in a bad mood. See, it doesn't depict it to say like "women are main perpetrators of child abuse", but that the stepmother will choose to vent out on the step-child as a rule of thumb. This isn't some fairy tale blabbering either, it's a common thing.
Both stepfathers and stepmothers act in this manner, they mistreat the step-child more often or they simply care less about them. Very few step-parents can overcome this and they are genuinely good persons. But even they require biological parent's help and full support to establish themselves as true parents and overcome the non-biology factor. Lots of people find the biology as "not a big deal".... well, it play a very prominent role but too many people are just hypocrites to admit it... or there may be too much political correctness involved.
Fair enough. Step parents seem to have a negative reputation just like being a step child. Movies, fairytales, real life. Step parents and step children seem to be not only put in a negative light, but act in a negative manner. "You're not my real mom/dad" is a common rebuttal to anything the step parent may say or ask to the child. Abuse is the step parent equivalent.
So what are you saying? Tell me that he should continue to take care of a child that was born out of a lie. That's not his. This is about how the man should react not how the child feel because like you said: fukked up shyt happens. Why not be honest and own up to it. You talk about ego, but the main one who seems to have an ego is the mother who's got a kid from one and money from the other and thinks it's okay. Tell me the man should continue to pay for a child he thought was his and found out it wasn't because his woman cheated.
Again, telling the child the truth is up to you. I don't have a thing against that. Honesty works.
Why does the mother's ego get priority in your mind? Leave her ass if you want.
But loving a child since birth and then cutting them off emotionally and financially so THE MOTHER doesn't "win"?
You can be about revenge or you can be about the kid. You can stick it to her or you can figure out what middle ground works best for you and the child. You can be angry, and then let anger rule everything you do... or put it to the side long enough to act out of love for your child. Your choice.
I think that is quite much true, whether peopel want to admit it or not. Mere mentioning of a step-parent is enough to bring the notions of a terrorist to many people.
Your claim about child saying things like "you're not my real mom/dad" is exactly the reason why it's hard to be a step-parent in general. And this is the part where even the best step-parent needs help and full support from the biological parent, but not in the way to have biological parent involved to smack the child or something. The whole deal is very complicated and step-children are very complicated because children are highly sensitive even on the smallest "injustices" that most people would not even notice. Children will catch those signals indeed and most of those things are rather about unconscious way of dealing with things on the side of a step-parent.
I've actually googled some data on step-parents and first thing it showed was "Cinderella effect" and elaborations that step-parents are indeed far more likely to abuse their step-children and that a step-child is always the most abused child even when other children are abused. Old people weren't so dumb after all, but it's only logical.
It may be hard to accept to some folks. But not every step-parent will be abuser and even though they'd be multiple times more likely to abuse step-children, abusers will generally be in the minority of step-parents, just like abusers among biological parents are in the minority as well. But even the small differences that aren't easy to spot for the outsiders will be spotted by the children and that's why vast majority of step-children will notice that they were treated "differently". In fact, the step-parent is often forced to treat them differently as well, due to various circumstances. Very few will make a successful bond where they'll even be in a position to treat them the same way.
Again, telling the child the truth is up to you. I don't have a thing against that. Honesty works.
Why does the mother's ego get priority in your mind? Leave her ass if you want.
But loving a child since birth and then cutting them off emotionally and financially so THE MOTHER doesn't "win"?
You can be about revenge or you can be about the kid. You can stick it to her or you can figure out what middle ground works best for you and the child. You can be angry, and then let anger rule everything you do... or put it to the side long enough to act out of love for your child. Your choice.
You still didn't respond to my statement. Tell me the cuckolded man should pay for a child that he thought was his, but found out it wasn't and his woman is a cheater. Tell me this is how you really feel.
Fair enough. Step parents seem to have a negative reputation just like being a step child. Movies, fairytales, real life. Step parents and step children seem to be not only put in a negative light, but act in a negative manner. "You're not my real mom/dad" is a common rebuttal to anything the step parent may say or ask to the child. Abuse is the step parent equivalent.
I never said that. But the fact is my step-father never referred to me as son, asked me to address him as sir, and took out his drunken anger on me, while showing considerable favoritism to my half-sibling. My sister has never known that side of him.
There are no excuses for how my parents let me be treated like that, but I often wonder if that can be expected for mere biological reasons...
I never said that. But the fact is my step-father never referred to me as son, asked me to address him as sir, and took out his drunken anger on me, while showing considerable favoritism to my half-sibling. My sister has never known that side of him.
There are no excuses for how my parents let me be treated like that, but I often wonder if that can be expected for mere biological reasons...
Yes biological reasons are why step children are treated worse than biological ones. Was the half sibling his biological child? Was the sister related to him? Be honest.
You still didn't respond to my statement. Tell me the cuckolded man should pay for a child that he thought was his, but found out it wasn't and his woman is a cheater. Tell me this is how you really feel.
I did! Go back and read. Yes, if that is what is necessary. Every situation is different.
For instance, if we are talking the guy who was married to Simon Cowell's soon to be baby mama... well no. If she had birthed that kid and passed it off as her hubby's, then he found out later, Cowell has 10 times the money he has AND has the willingness to pay up.
But if you find out the bio father is in jail and if you withdraw support, that your, say, 10 year old will eating out of soup cans... then one would hope you would not want the child you loved and raised starving.
I did! Go back and read. Yes, if that is what is necessary. Every situation is different.
And this response is why men need to get paternity tests. She doesn't care about you. She wants the other guy, but can't have him so he has his kid at least then makes you pay for it. If a man wants to pay for a child he thought was his, but wasn't because his wife/girlfriend cheated then he's a loser. There is only one situation: he's a cuckold and he found out he was. She felt so little about the man she slept with another one and had HIS baby. The cuckold wasn't worthy enough to have it. In other words a loser who's only there to pay for the mom being a cheater.
This little tidbit right here tells me all I need to know about you, as far as women and children are concerned.
So a woman doesn't push out a child? Give birth or push out a child. It's the same thing.
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