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When I was 21 (or 18) my dad would have been stunned if I had asked him for help in turning down a date. Or to breakup with a boyfriend. It's that whole strong, smart, independent woman-thing I was raised with. He might have asked if I was feeling OK and checked to see if I was running a fever that I'd suddenly gone all "helpless female" on him.
Smart includes recognizing their own lack of experience and recognizing the benefit of getting other opinions. It is not about being a helpless female, it is about having the wisdom and courage to draw on the knowledge and experiences of others. Not just dad. They will look to the reaction of their four siblings and mom as well. They are strong smart independent women, but they are smart enough to know what they do not know. They also get my opinion when buying a car, choosing a college, planning a party. . . . When it comes time to buy a house, they will rely heavily on my opinions and expertise. Not doing so is not smart - it is dumb.
They are readily as smart as me, and considerably above average per college testing, IQ tests and the like.
I am very good at determining when someone is lying. Why? It is part of my job. I have been doing it for 25 years (longer than they have been alive). I am usually a very good judge of character. Why? I have a lot of experience with persons of both good and bad character. They have only a little and realize that. I know a lot about how teenage boys and young men think and act. Why? Because I was one and so were almost all my friends. I spent hundreds of hours hanging out with guys and talking about how we thought and felt about girls. They have spent less then 50 hours doing that and guys talking to girls are guarded. Not so when hanging out with the guys. Thus, I have a much better understanding of guys than they do, or probably ever will.
They also come to me for advice and/or understanding when they have problems in their relationships. Why, because they know I may have experience with the situation, and/or I will have an objective outlook. They may wonder if they are beaing reasonable or ridiculous. An opinion form someone with more experience, some objectivity and a guys perspective can be very helpful to understanding a situation and finding a solution. That does not make them weak, it makes them smart.
I spent hundreds of hours hanging out with guys and talking about how we thought and felt about girls. They have spent less then 50 hours doing that and guys talking to girls are guarded. .
Oh. They have spent less than 50 hours on that. Well then. I now understand why you're checking for metrosexuals and good swimmers at the door. Of course, makes perfect sense. Darling daughters don't know a good guy from a bad guy so Dad is needed to help them determine those things. By asking these strapping young swains if they can swim with a heavy weight on their back.
Is the wife doing the same for your sons or were they allowed to interact with girls while they were growing up?
Last edited by DewDropInn; 08-06-2013 at 12:46 PM..
I was talking dating age not middle school like you were.
By the time I was 13 I was seeing pg-13 movies and by 16 R with my mom taking me and 17 I got get into r rated movies without an adult.
I and everyone I knew was driving by 16/17 so any date I had drove me himself. My mom stooping making sure parents were going to be places when I was 14 and going to the mall with just friends being dropped off. By the time I was 16-17 and my friends started driving we were going lots of places without our parents.
I am talking up to the end of high school. we do not allow our kids to see rated R movies at the theatre or in our home. The fact is we can and many times have, pre purchase the tickets anyway for our kids. Dating age in our home is 16 when it is group dating and no BF GF dating. They do not need a steady BF or GF at that age. When they are 18 that will change I am sure. Still we would hope for that respect especially if they are in our home.
Driving in California has changed with teen drivers. You can get your license when you are 16 but can not drive with other teens in the car for at least a year I think. Many teens in California forgo getting a drivers license till they turn 18 because or the restrictions placed on them. These are restrictions that the state places on them and not the parents.
As a matter of fact, yes I have at age 9 walking home from school and I'm not 100% sure killing is always the answer. Justice was served anyways
Good for you and I'm sorry to hear that happened to you. But for the majority of victims, cities have backlogs that are years behind. One cannot always count on the justice system to do the justice. It's pretty sad and pathetic if you ask me.
I am talking up to the end of high school. we do not allow our kids to see rated R movies at the theatre or in our home. The fact is we can and many times have, pre purchase the tickets anyway for our kids. Dating age in our home is 16 when it is group dating and no BF GF dating. They do not need a steady BF or GF at that age. When they are 18 that will change I am sure. Still we would hope for that respect especially if they are in our home.
Driving in California has changed with teen drivers. You can get your license when you are 16 but can not drive with other teens in the car for at least a year I think. Many teens in California forgo getting a drivers license till they turn 18 because or the restrictions placed on them. These are restrictions that the state places on them and not the parents.
When I was a kid, my parents didn't let me see any R rated movies. I can't tell you how many times they thought I was going to see a G rated movie...I'd be sure to read reviews of the movie I was pretending to see so I could tell them about it when I got home.
They also had strict rules about me dating. Unfortunately, they had to work during the day and I was always able to find time to see the people I wanted to see. My mom didn't think people could have sex in the daytime, so she thought as long as I didn't go anywhere in the evenings, I would remain a virgin until I got married.
If your goal was intimidating him into a certain behavior, congratulations you won. If you want sons-in-law you can intimidate you are definitely on the right track.
However, you did not find out if he's a great guy who would have treated your daughter with kindness and respect and be a responsible person without the threats.
If he was intimidated, then he is stupid and would not last anyway. If he was intimidated, that woudl be a big fail (-10 points). He was not intimidated. He did get the message, She is very important to me and I look out for her. You want to date her, you are dating into this family. We look out for each other. It was clear to him and he was not intimidated. In fact, later, if he said something stupid, I would ask him if he can still swim and we would all laugh. He understood a humorous means of conveying a message and he got both the message and the humor (plus 10 points). He responded in a way that was both respectful and intelligent. His response did tell me he understood we have rules and expectations and they are to be followed, they are not just there as general guidelines. More importantly, he did not cower or giggle nervously and fail to answer. He also did not get all aggressive or macho (which would tell me both that he is dumb and that he has ego issues). No, you are incorrect, I learned quite a lot about him from that conversation.
Actually no one who had the guts to come talk to me ever "failed" the meeting. It really is not about whether or not they can go out, but making sure he understands things and finding out what he is like. Also to get a feel for what he is like. After their first date my daughters always came to me and asked "what did you think?" In the example I thought he was decent, probably the best suitor she had yet encountered (out of all of three). In one instance I was dis-favorably impressed (different guy, different daughter). Not to the point where I thought he was a danger, just self centered, impolite and not very bright. It was clear to me that was not going to work, it took her a year to figure she agreed with me though. That guy I might chain to a fridge if I saw him at our house again.
Exactly, which, by extension, brings them to the realization that teen boys are not be trusted - hence the protectiveness.
As the mother of a son who was offered a threesome by his 15 year old girlfriend and her female 'playmate' it's not always the girls who need protection! (From a nice middle class respectable home no less )
Actually no one who had the guts to come talk to me ever "failed" the meeting.
It takes guts for a young guy to come talk to you?
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and I'm not 100% sure killing is always the answer. Justice was served anyways
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