What to do about son being so SLOW in the morning before school (method, boys)
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Not that it is particularly time consuming, but my biggest question is why the cat box has to be scooped before school. If it really needs to be scooped 2/day, there are too many cats and too few boxes.
But it wouldn't work, the doorman/dropoff aide/whatever would just send the kid right back to the car, thereby requiring the parent to drive them home and get the appropriate clothes and then drive back, which would make the kid even more late to school. So please explain how bringing a student not fully clothed to school would teach him to be faster in the morning, it would make you more late. And in elementary/middle school most of the responsibility for tardies is on the parents' shoulders if the student does not take the bus or cannot get to school on their own. So how would this work at all?
You really think that once a kid realizes he has to walk up to the school half dressed that he'll do that again?
It is possible to talk to the kid's teacher and the staff. If you explain what you're doing, I strongly doubt you'll get any resistance from them. Our school is big on the kids taking responsibility for themselves and problem solving on their own. You say "Little Xavier is having difficulty understanding the importance of doing what he needs to get done in order to be on time for school. We would appreciate it if you'd let him suffer the consequences of his own actions. He might be late for a few days while we let him learn how it goes if he doesn't get his act together."
My daughter was in kindergarten last year and we were having a terrible time getting her to sit and commit to the tiny bit of homework they had every night. So instead of hounding her about it we let her not do it and on Friday let her teacher know that we were holding her responsible for getting her work done. Her teacher was glad to help and had her sit in at free play time and recess to finish up her homework. Of course we would help if she needs it but we aren't going to nag her into doing it for the next 16 years. The reason they give homework in kindergarten is to have them used to being responsible for completing an assigned task every night. We're trying to raise independent adults here. That should start early in age appropriate ways.
Even if it only took him 1 minute to put his clothes on, that still wouldn't save much time.
And I find that using a towel to dry makes me itchy afterwards, so I air dry instead.
Not everyone has to be in a hurry.
No, everyone doesn't have to be in a hurry "all the time". But this kid needs to figure out which is more important, a few extra minutes of sleep, or a few extra minutes "air drying" (for example). He has to catch a school bus. It's not like they're going to wait for him. When you're on someone else's schedule, in this case the bus driver's, you are the one who has to accommodate.
You really think that once a kid realizes he has to walk up to the school half dressed that he'll do that again?
It is possible to talk to the kid's teacher and the staff. If you explain what you're doing, I strongly doubt you'll get any resistance from them. Our school is big on the kids taking responsibility for themselves and problem solving on their own. You say "Little Xavier is having difficulty understanding the importance of doing what he needs to get done in order to be on time for school. We would appreciate it if you'd let him suffer the consequences of his own actions. He might be late for a few days while we let him learn how it goes if he doesn't get his act together."
My daughter was in kindergarten last year and we were having a terrible time getting her to sit and commit to the tiny bit of homework they had every night. So instead of hounding her about it we let her not do it and on Friday let her teacher know that we were holding her responsible for getting her work done. Her teacher was glad to help and had her sit in at free play time and recess to finish up her homework. Of course we would help if she needs it but we aren't going to nag her into doing it for the next 16 years. The reason they give homework in kindergarten is to have them used to being responsible for completing an assigned task every night. We're trying to raise independent adults here. That should start early in age appropriate ways.
You've got to be kidding yourself if you think that your child is going to be allowed to walk around in their undies for an entire day of school. If your school lets children walk around with clothes missing, that is wrong on so many levels. Most likely you would be called up and expected to bring their needed clothes to school, inconveniencing you. Sorry but I don't see how the logistics of the punishment would computer in this situation, because you would be even more late due to having to get the clothes, which defeats the objective in the first place, which is not being late.
You've got to be kidding yourself if you think that your child is going to be allowed to walk around in their undies for an entire day of school. If your school lets children walk around with clothes missing, that is wrong on so many levels. Most likely you would be called up and expected to bring their needed clothes to school, inconveniencing you. Sorry but I don't see how the logistics of the punishment would computer in this situation, because you would be even more late due to having to get the clothes, which defeats the objective in the first place, which is not being late.
Probably not in undies, but what about no socks, or boots b/c s/he couldn't find their shoes? (Shoes were a horror in our house. No one could ever find the shoes they wanted to wear to school. I made one of my daughters wear her boots, which could be found, one time. I don't think it totally cured her of "fling off your shoes wherever you feel like and don't worry about it", but that particular scenario never happened again.) What about, "you'll have to wear these pants, this shirt, etc b/c you can't find the one you want and it's time to go"?
You've got to be kidding yourself if you think that your child is going to be allowed to walk around in their undies for an entire day of school. If your school lets children walk around with clothes missing, that is wrong on so many levels. Most likely you would be called up and expected to bring their needed clothes to school, inconveniencing you. Sorry but I don't see how the logistics of the punishment would computer in this situation, because you would be even more late due to having to get the clothes, which defeats the objective in the first place, which is not being late.
You miss the point entirely. Firstly, it's not a punishment.
Secondly, it's the idea that your words carry weight. It's no good nagging and threatening re being ready to leave. It's having enough authority that when you say "if you aren't ready by the time you have to leave, you're going looking the way you are" that the kid takes you seriously and knows you mean what you say. You really won't ever have to test it. But if they call your bluff, by all means do it. Of course the school won't let the kid run around in boxers. But there will be a consequence of some kind, just as there will be if they're late. It doesn't matter why they're late. Being late goes on your record, and there are consequences.
If you're going to put your foot down and mean what you say, yes there are going to be times when you are inconvenienced - until they get it. That's part of it. If you aren't prepared to follow through, regardless - then don't do it.
The objective in getting kids to be on time is not just never being late - in fact sometimes you might have to be late in order to prove your point and let them suffer the natural consequence, so they understand being late in a practical way and not just in theory.
Mean what you say means not saying something you don't mean. I wouldn't say such a thing unless I meant it, and I would NEVER do that to a child older than pre-school age. If you've missed the boat doing in the pre-school years, I highly recommend finding another solution to the problem. Humiliation isn't a natural consequence that parents should impose upon children, especially in front of their peers. I'm saying this as a parent who did load my pre-schooler into the car undressed and dropped her off at her Godmother's house, my childcare provider, with clothe in hand. So I get what you're saying, and think it's appropriate in very limited situations, but I do not believe it's appropriate for a 7th grader in any way shape or form in front of anyone. Any parent who didn't get this under control at a younger age, needs to figure out other ways to solve the problem because their own lack of discipline in the younger years got them where they are today.
Mean what you say means not saying something you don't mean. I wouldn't say such a thing unless I meant it, and I would NEVER do that to a child older than pre-school age. If you've missed the boat doing in the pre-school years, I highly recommend finding another solution to the problem. Humiliation isn't a natural consequence that parents should impose upon children, especially in front of their peers. I'm saying this as a parent who did load my pre-schooler into the car undressed and dropped her off at her Godmother's house, my childcare provider, with clothe in hand. So I get what you're saying, and think it's appropriate in very limited situations, but I do not believe it's appropriate for a 7th grader in any way shape or form in front of anyone. Any parent who didn't get this under control at a younger age, needs to figure out other ways to solve the problem because their own lack of discipline in the younger years got them where they are today.
It's highly unlikely to actually get to that point - if you already establish that you mean what you say.
And I'm responding to the person who took that one vague notion out of many of the others and ran with it, and who doesn't seem to get the idea other than completely literally. Of course it depends entirely on the kid and the situation, exactly how you go about it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by FinsterRufus
If his hair's all askew, so be it. If he can't find his shoes, so be it. If he still has his jammies on, leave without him. If he's not ready until half an hour after school begins, take him then and have him explain it and get a late note and a record. If he's in no state to go, he stays home and racks up unexcused absences. Then HE can explain why he can't get his stuff together to the principal or the truancy officer. Or fail a test because he's not there to take it. Or miss sports practice or whatever extracurricular he should have done that day. Or miss the school dance. Or get detention.
The point is that there are consequences and that if you follow through with them, at all times - then having them go to school in their boxers is never going to happen. This is the alternative to ineffective nagging, which the OP was obviously having issues with.
I am dealing with this with an 8 year old and have been for all her school years. She doesnt even have chores in the morning because the fundamentals are being missed. We have made a list and I have tried staying on top of her. Now- this advice I'm giving is from our therapist who said "she is tuning you out because she hears you nag her every school day". She told us to do exactly what the poster here said: If she is not ready to leave when its time to go, she leaves the way she looks. 1 sock? Fine. No shoes? Good. You are not humiliating your child, your child is now responsible for their own consequences for not being ready like you asked. I too had the thoughts "The school will call me." "she'll step on a nail" "She'll be in her PJ's" but THAT IS THE ENABLER IN ME.
Truth be told, we haven't gone this route yet but its getting very close. Reading the OP's struggles is exactly what we go through in my house. For my daughter, ADHD gets in the way of staying on task. We set timers, we have a list taped to her bathroom and one in her bedroom. I still have to stay on top of her. School starts monday. If I have to I will make her get on the bus shoeless and then drop a pair of shoes in her lap just before the bus drives off. Forget socks? Oh well, your consequence (smelly feet).
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