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Old 08-24-2013, 07:25 AM
 
7,214 posts, read 9,375,282 times
Reputation: 7802

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Quote:
Originally Posted by LovelySummer View Post
Listen to yourself! You are exhausted with chasing your two year old when YOU have to watch him and YOU get nothing d
done but you expect your WIFE to get all if this stuff done??? Double standard! If you wanted a maid you should have married one. You knew she wasn't into cleaning so y are y in a bunch now? You're sounding kind of male schauvinistic and sound like you are basically saying if you are going to start making the money, you make the rules. I beg your pardon. I am a mother of a two year old.Newsflash! Teaching a child, playing with him, nurturing him and feeding him ( not to mention the hourly tantrums, mood swings and crying) is an all-day job! It ismuch easier to go to work, sit on your a*s and just exercise your brain all day. Consider yourself lucky bc it sounds to me like YOU are the one getting off easy. I think YOU ought to clean up daily. Surely, you will have more energy than she will!
So much hyperbole. Not worth responding to.

 
Old 08-24-2013, 07:30 AM
 
7,214 posts, read 9,375,282 times
Reputation: 7802
Anyway, thanks to all who responded with reasonable and good advice. We've prepared a revised monthly budget. It's going to be tight, but we'll be able to get by and still have a minimal amount of savings. Anything my wife makes from her side business will help a lot with our monthly savings contributions. My income will be improving hopefully next year, so that will help to.

She told me this morning she really wants to stay home with our son, and she's willing to pare down our lifestyle and do what it takes. I think we're going to give this a go.
 
Old 08-24-2013, 08:28 AM
 
14,294 posts, read 13,157,398 times
Reputation: 17797
Quote:
Originally Posted by LovelySummer View Post
Listen to yourself! You are exhausted with chasing your two year old when YOU have to watch him and YOU get nothing d
done but you expect your WIFE to get all if this stuff done??? Double standard! If you wanted a maid you should have married one. You knew she wasn't into cleaning so y are y in a bunch now? You're sounding kind of male schauvinistic and sound like you are basically saying if you are going to start making the money, you make the rules. I beg your pardon. I am a mother of a two year old.Newsflash! Teaching a child, playing with him, nurturing him and feeding him ( not to mention the hourly tantrums, mood swings and crying) is an all-day job! It ismuch easier to go to work, sit on your a*s and just exercise your brain all day. Consider yourself lucky bc it sounds to me like YOU are the one getting off easy. I think YOU ought to clean up daily. Surely, you will have more energy than she will!
Oh fer heaven's sake. What a sexist load of crap. If playing with your toddler is a full time job, then it is time to start sowing the seeds of expectation with the child. If your child is throwing tantrums hourly then it is time to start sowing the seeds of discipline. Why do so many parents let their teeny kids roll over them like a steam roller?
 
Old 08-24-2013, 08:29 AM
 
14,294 posts, read 13,157,398 times
Reputation: 17797
Quote:
Originally Posted by MaseMan View Post
Anyway, thanks to all who responded with reasonable and good advice. We've prepared a revised monthly budget. It's going to be tight, but we'll be able to get by and still have a minimal amount of savings. Anything my wife makes from her side business will help a lot with our monthly savings contributions. My income will be improving hopefully next year, so that will help to.

She told me this morning she really wants to stay home with our son, and she's willing to pare down our lifestyle and do what it takes. I think we're going to give this a go.
Good luck!
 
Old 08-24-2013, 10:30 AM
 
Location: Oviedo
452 posts, read 707,940 times
Reputation: 937
I've been in this situation, but the children I had were not mine. I "fostered" ( usually one at a time) 14 children and was a "stay at home mom". As far as housekeeping goes, I always included the children in it. The house stayed fairly spotless. Each child had chores that coincided with their ability (not age).

One child, who had Asperger's syndrome, seemed like he'd never find his "niche" in the housework, but one day he decided that laundry was HIS thing. He was fabulous at it and never made a mistake (even sorting and turning his socks right side out).

Another child, Katie, by the age of 2, was making her bed, feeding the cat, emptied the small wastebaskets and mopped (as well as a 2 year old can).

Every day started out the same with each child. Up at 7, change out of night clothes into play clothes, breakfast and the inevitable question "do you want to do inside work or outside work?". The child always chose. After chores (either dusting, picking up their toys, weeding their garden beds..they each had their own special garden and grew what they wanted to), they had lunch, then went straight to their desks, where we did two hours of study, no excuses, each child above their "age" level).

None of the children I cared for took naps. Trust me, I tried, but they didn't want to miss anything. So, after "school" they were allowed to play as they chose (usually in the wading pool) until it was time for baths. During this time, I would do whatever small chores needed to be done and learned NOT to correct their work, as it was insulting to them, they got better as they got older.

At bath time, I'd fix supper, have one of the children set the table, we'd eat as a family, then it was brushed teeth, books and bed. Because none of them napped, they were wipe out by 6 and would head for bed no later than 8 and never under duress.

The next day, it started all over again. We did the math and realized that it would cost more to have someone we didn't know, care for the children while both of us worked and we wanted to make sure they had the best we could give them because we didn't know what their lives would be like after they left, so we made the decision for me to stay at home.

I have a small home business that the children loved to be a part of (animals) and I'd schedule heavy work days for myself when my husband scheduled himself off. Kate had an affinity for one particular dog, "Tater" who was a blind schnauzer. She would walk around behind the dog with a bowl of water. When I asked her what she was doing, she looked at me and said as a matter of fact "it's hot and his eyes are broken...I help him!"

We learned to never underestimate what they could do, even as infants. Katie was a perfect example of this. I could take her books and lay 3 or 4 on the floor, she would toddle in, see them and put them back on the shelf. We also learned to drink from plastic cups as she decided that dishes were her job and would take your glass, chunk it into the sink and CRASH!

Shannon learned to load the dishwasher (I handed her each piece) and to do the laundry (she came after Jake) and took it seriously. We learned that they love to be part of something, so we included them in everything and found that each child had something to add to the family and were proud of their accomplishments.

Another thing we learned was that by me not working outside the home, I saved on fuel, clothing costs, tolls, lunches, etc.

They're only little for a short time. I was so grateful to be able to watch their "firsts" and know that I'd done everything within my ability to give them the best, most loving start I could.
 
Old 08-24-2013, 01:04 PM
 
1,834 posts, read 2,688,338 times
Reputation: 2675
It is all in the numbers. If you are able to pay off all debts, house, etc. and create a 401 of 2.2 million dollars adjusted for inflation by the time you are 60 then of course she should stay home. Because legally she is entitled to 50% thus the sum you would need to create would cover both. There should be some accounting to the void that would also be created in her personnel benefit programs with SS, etc. In almost all cases it is a major financial dump for either spouse to forgo being financially productive. This dump may not appear for years but it is there.
 
Old 08-24-2013, 01:15 PM
 
19,045 posts, read 25,151,745 times
Reputation: 13485
Quote:
Originally Posted by MaseMan View Post
Anyway, thanks to all who responded with reasonable and good advice. We've prepared a revised monthly budget. It's going to be tight, but we'll be able to get by and still have a minimal amount of savings. Anything my wife makes from her side business will help a lot with our monthly savings contributions. My income will be improving hopefully next year, so that will help to.

She told me this morning she really wants to stay home with our son, and she's willing to pare down our lifestyle and do what it takes. I think we're going to give this a go.
Good for you guys. I so wish we could do the same!
 
Old 08-24-2013, 01:19 PM
 
128 posts, read 183,593 times
Reputation: 123
No wife of mine would ever stay home. Stay at home women get so, so dull, mumsy and uninteresting.
 
Old 08-24-2013, 01:26 PM
 
Location: North America
14,204 posts, read 12,249,275 times
Reputation: 5565
Quote:
Originally Posted by JohnCatarre View Post
No wife of mine would ever stay home. Stay at home women get so, so dull, mumsy and uninteresting.
So you went an free willed woman who works, but does what you say as well ? Good luck with that.
 
Old 08-24-2013, 01:27 PM
 
128 posts, read 183,593 times
Reputation: 123
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lucidkitty View Post
So you went an free willed woman who works, but does what you say as well ? Good luck with that.
If she wanted to stay a home, so it be. "Have a nice life. Bye."
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