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It is a parents DUTY to keep their child safe and to keep the public safe from their child. If you are not prepared to do either one, then you shouldn't be having children.
No kid that is killing or raping or is going to be cured by a medication. Medication can control certain behaviors, but not behaviors such as those.
Moderator Cut.
Last edited by Jaded; 08-28-2013 at 09:24 PM..
Reason: Flaming/argumentative
Second, some of these mental conditions can be helped by medication. My child might be incarcerated for life, but I would still not disown them.
Some of the folks posting on here seem really twisted. The statistics are that most children will NOT become psychopaths or serial killers. However, before having children, I thought all of this through. Didn't you?
Why would you even bring children into this world if you already know that if they behave in a matter that you don't like, you will disown them? Cut them from your life? Turn your back on them? Stop loving them? Talk about controlling rather than loving behavior.
NO MATTER WHAT, I WILL NEVER DISOWN MY CHILDREN. IT IS CALLED UNCONDITIONAL LOVE!
I doubt anyone with personal experience here hasn't done everything within their power, and then some, to rectify the situation. What is being discussed as I understand it is what if you have done everything you can, and the child still wreaks havoc? What if having the child in your life damages the lives of other loved ones? What if having the child in your life destroys your family, is destructive to the lives and relationships of your other children? It's fine and dandy to think of it in isolation, but this is often a situation that happens over a long time, and after all avenues are exhausted the parents/s must do what is best for the family including other children too.
I maintain my position that there are many different scenarios here, and unless you have walked in the shoes of the parent making such a heartbreaking decision, criticizing them is nothing short of mean and spiteful, and not helpful in the slightest.
I thought there was scientific proof that alcoholism had a genetic component. So, you chose to have a child with an alcoholic, but would disown her if she became an alcoholic? That doesn't seem fair to me. If the studies are correct, aren't you partly responsible for putting her in that position in the first place?
Yes, good point, go ahead and do your happy "I'm so smart" dance about that. But don't whack your little head jumping to conclusions. How did I "choose" to have a child with an alcoholic? 23 years ago, I did not understand alcoholism. My husband was a drinker, yes--hey, I met him in a bar--but he had not yet descended down to the point where he was going and I did not yet know that wives and children can't compete against the addiction. I didn't know anything about the genetic tendencies for alcoholics to run in families. As a matter of fact, my husband had told me these sad stories of his drunk-ass abusive father who he found dead one morning when he was 14 years old. In MY mind, he would want to do whatever he could to be as different from his father as he possibly could. Instead, he became his father, and for some inexplicable reason, my pregnancy is what sent him spiraling downhill.
So, yes, I am responsible for choosing a bad father for my child. Since I've not been given the power to change the past, I could only do damage control, and that's the very reason I spent so much time learning about alcoholism and educating my daughter about the tendencies she may have inherited--and teaching her that this knowledge brings with it the responsibility to make wise choices. That same knowledge also brought with it the responsibility to myself to set boundaries so that I do not fall prey again to the hell an alcoholic brings to the lives of those around him or her.
I do know a few people who have been disowned for being LGBTQ.
Quote:
Originally Posted by rezfreak
I do know my mother in law's best friend disowned her (now) daughter because her son decided to become her daughter.
These are the only reasons I can see for "disowning" a child. But (I think) both are rooted in serious mental health disturbances and I would do all I could to get them counseling and treatment. If my child refused to seek help and take serious steps towards a cure, then I won't have someone like that in my life. And I do love my child totally. I will still love, it would however be from a distance and I'd miss them a lot.
Addiction of any kind I see as a character flaw and treatable. Like someone said, if you're for some reason susceptable to such a weakness, then don't "play with fire". Acknowledge the problem and deal with it.
These are the only reasons I can see for "disowning" a child. But (I think) both are rooted in serious mental health disturbances and I would do all I could to get them counseling and treatment. If my child refused to seek help and take serious steps towards a cure, then I won't have someone like that in my life. And I do love my child totally. I will still love, it would however be from a distance and I'd miss them a lot.
Addiction of any kind I see as a character flaw and treatable. Like someone said, if you're for some reason susceptable to such a weakness, then don't "play with fire". Acknowledge the problem and deal with it.
There are situations where I could understand a child electing to sever ties with a parent, and the above would be one of those situations.
These are the only reasons I can see for "disowning" a child. But (I think) both are rooted in serious mental health disturbances and I would do all I could to get them counseling and treatment. If my child refused to seek help and take serious steps towards a cure, then I won't have someone like that in my life. And I do love my child totally. I will still love, it would however be from a distance and I'd miss them a lot.
Addiction of any kind I see as a character flaw and treatable. Like someone said, if you're for some reason susceptable to such a weakness, then don't "play with fire". Acknowledge the problem and deal with it.
Workin_Hard is "Here to Stir the Pot"
Trolls suck.
Last edited by convextech; 08-28-2013 at 09:32 AM..
These are the only reasons I can see for "disowning" a child. But (I think) both are rooted in serious mental health disturbances and I would do all I could to get them counseling and treatment. If my child refused to seek help and take serious steps towards a cure, then I won't have someone like that in my life. And I do love my child totally. I will still love, it would however be from a distance and I'd miss them a lot.
Addiction of any kind I see as a character flaw and treatable. Like someone said, if you're for some reason susceptable to such a weakness, then don't "play with fire". Acknowledge the problem and deal with it.
For the purpose of others reading this and not in any attempt whatsoever to change YOUR mind:
A great deal of the medical community and most addiction specialists strongly dispute this as a theory.
Addiction is a medical issue that begets behavioral and social issues bought on by the chemical changes that take place in the brain. You cannot unweak yourself out of it, nor expect someone else to.
Yes it is treatable by abstinence but being addicted is not a character flaw per se. Plenty of people drink a bit, take a pain killer now and then, and they aren't necessarily of better character than a person who becomes addicted because the non addict just happens to not have all the right biological components for addiction.
So an exchange of ideas and opinions is ok as long as I agree with yours? Otherwise I'm a "troll", eh?
When you can't attack a message, attack the messenger. Gee, if only you could rally the IRS against me.
Plenty of people drink a bit, take a pain killer now and then, and they aren't necessarily of better character than a person who becomes addicted because the non addict just happens to not have all the right biological components for addiction.
Then once aware that a propensity for addiction may exist, avoid those behaviors at all cost. To fall prey to them and then say "But I have a disposition towards addiction - Waa-waa-waa!" is not an excuse. That's where the character flaw lies - in the lack of personal responsibity to act accordingly, seeking and following through with help that's available.
There are seveal alcoholics in my family tree. I may have such a genetic weakness there as well, but I'm not going to indulge in heavy drinking to discover if I will get in over my head. Knowing that it might exist has always been enough to keep me from doing more than light social drinking. (ok, there was that lost week in Mexico, but... )
First, I don't believe in the death penalty for anyone. (Don't spew "if it happened to you or statistics or anything else. Heard it all and stand by no death penalty)
Second, some of these mental conditions can be helped by medication. My child might be incarcerated for life, but I would still not disown them.
Some of the folks posting on here seem really twisted. The statistics are that most children will NOT become psychopaths or serial killers. However, before having children, I thought all of this through. Didn't you?
Why would you even bring children into this world if you already know that if they behave in a matter that you don't like, you will disown them? Cut them from your life? Turn your back on them? Stop loving them? Talk about controlling rather than loving behavior.
NO MATTER WHAT, I WILL NEVER DISOWN MY CHILDREN. IT IS CALLED UNCONDITIONAL LOVE!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Workin_Hard
These are the only reasons I can see for "disowning" a child. But (I think) both are rooted in serious mental health disturbances and I would do all I could to get them counseling and treatment. If my child refused to seek help and take serious steps towards a cure, then I won't have someone like that in my life. And I do love my child totally. I will still love, it would however be from a distance and I'd miss them a lot.
Addiction of any kind I see as a character flaw and treatable. Like someone said, if you're for some reason susceptable to such a weakness, then don't "play with fire". Acknowledge the problem and deal with it.
Parents who put themselves on a pedestal fall the furthest when their kids don't turn out exactly as planned.
BTW, a parent cannot disown a minor. So really, the issues arise between adults, who are no longer under their parents' influence.
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