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There was a point where I would never have believed it possible, but that is no longer the case. Emotionally, I can't do it, my door will always be open should our eldest choose to walk through it.
Financially, it's already been done. He is no longer mentioned as a beneficially on anything.
I can't imagine ever doing so - despise the act yes, but never give up on my child.
I wouldn't disagree with the not disowning part, that would be each parent's decision.
But the fact is, people are what they do. One cannot separate the act from the person. Willful acts do not do themselves. To continue to accept a person who has done a repugnant act, you have to find some way to wrap your head around accepting that the person is their act. After "I will always love my child," has been said, the elephant of wilful action and responsibility remains in the living room.
From what I see on TV or read quoted in the papers most parents of children who have done horrible acts resort to saying that they were influenced by others or they didn't know what they were doing. These are is-is-not solutions to the conundrum, and I wonder how these parents fare in the long term.
I have done essentially that. I have a daughter who suffers from mental illness, and spent decades trying to get her to comply with tx, which would bring her more in line with "normal", socially acceptable behaviors. She refuses tx, and the result is someone who is very difficult to be around, and has caused great harm on some occasions, in years past, to her younger siblings, emotionally as well as physically.
She has been cut out of our lives, her choice really. We have nothing in common w/her, and her harem skarum existence. She has no use for any of us, and our run of the mill, ho hum, typical normal existence, and we can't identify with her's.
It breaks my heart. It wasn't at all what I envisioned decades ago, when I held that sweet little beautiful baby girl in my arms. Not at all what I would *want* for her, or for any of us.
My father in law disowned my husband. He was mad that we didn't have a boy to carry on the family name. He wanted us to divorce so my husband could have kids with another woman. My husband told him that was outrageous, and FIL told him to lose his phone number and never call again.
He left my husband a dollar in his will.
But he forgot to change the beneficiary for his life insurance policy
It is obvious that your father in law had some major psychological issues...
I will always love my children unconditionally. I would hate the act, and would struggle with accepting the fact that my child had done it. But the love would remain intact.
My dad disowned me when my parents were getting a divorce. He went from helping me pay for school to cutting me off completely. When I told him that obviously he has money and he's trying to hide things from my mom and I (he had businesses out of the country) he was furious with me. We didn't speak for 5 years. When I got married he wasn't there.
One night he came to my place and told me he loved me and wanted back into my life. That was 2 years ago. I can't tell you how distraught I was about being disowned, and how strained our relationship is now. I don't care for his second wife, he has a son with her (who is 15, the reason why my mom initiated the divorce).
I guess my point is that it's okay to be angry with your kid, it's okay to not agree, but don't disown them! Because things will NEVER be the same if you reconcile. NEVER. I still don't trust him anymore.
I do know a few people who have been disowned for being LGBTQ.
I think it's easy to say one would never disown a child, but each situation is unique. My aunt and uncle disowned my cousin who has an Antisocial Personality Disorder also known as a sociopath. For years he would steal anything and everything from them, his siblings, grandparents, he would manipulate friends of the family making up lies about everyone. He cost them jobs, and broke their hearts multiple times over, they were also terrified of him. They sought out much help for him, but ultimately decided for their own safety and for the health and safety of the family to legally disown him. My grandfather remained in touch with him, and a trust for him that he would be eligible for if he sought out professional help, and succeeded in furthering his education. He was unable to do either. The last anyone heard of him was over 10 years ago, and he was serving a long jail term. I know the whole situation still breaks my aunt's heart.
Last edited by Zimbochick; 08-24-2013 at 11:43 AM..
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