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Old 09-04-2013, 03:44 PM
 
10 posts, read 14,732 times
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Hey there

My 16 year old son had a girlfriend from around March of this year until about the end of May. All throughout the relationship, the ex boyfriend from the girl's previous relationship called his girlfriend every day. My son did not like this and really wanted the ex to back off, so he told his girlfriend, who got defensive and claimed "[i] can talk to [whoever] the *expletive* I want to as long as I don't make out with them." My son was annoyed, but relented anyway, seeing how he didn't want to give up the girl he loved. However, I noticed the relationship was slowly deteriorating. She never answer most of his calls, and when she did, he was put onto a three way phone conversation with her and the ex. Finally, at the end of May the girl sheepishly told my son that they had simply "ran out of things to talk about" and "[i] want to go back to my ex, [I miss] him" (). Needless to say, my son is still annoyed about it, but today it reached a breaking point. He posted on my son's facebook about how he could never keep a girlfriend interested or in a relationship. So he is contemplating reporting her to the police for sending X-rated pictures of herself to the now boyfriend (she is 18, he is 15 and she also sent some of these pictures to my son when they were together, which he deleted immediatly).....I never knew my son would go that far for revenge.
How do I help my son get through this without any "revenge"?

Last edited by CarolatMO; 09-04-2013 at 04:14 PM..
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Old 09-04-2013, 03:55 PM
 
Location: Lauderdale by the Sea, Florida
384 posts, read 541,082 times
Reputation: 565
Quote:
Originally Posted by CarolatMO View Post
How do I help my son get through this without any "revenge"?
First, if the ex was calling the girl every day, that is not just a "best friendship". He was just waiting until the rebound boyfriend (your son in this case) was gone. You can teach your son that rebound relationships are always doomed to fail and girls that do this sort of stuff are just going back to guys who couldn't care less about them. Teenage girls are attracted to two things: guys who don't care about them and guys who are extremely hot. This is probably why most high school relationships fail, teenage girls are extremely finicky.
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Old 09-04-2013, 03:59 PM
 
13,746 posts, read 22,610,374 times
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You inform him of the ramifications of possessing and transmitting child porn ( are you absolutely sure he doesn't have the pics filed away?), as well as how revenge tactics can ruin any future plans. Then, take him fishing, encourage him to invite some buddies over for the weekend, and keep an eye out.

One thing you don't want to do is involve yourself in the teen drama. Teens break up every...single...day. There is nothing wrong with teen dating IMO, but they have to be prepared for the inevitable end of the relationship. Remind him that teen relationships are merely preparation for the lifelong ones.

Oh, and hug him, he's hurting.

Last edited by Mattie; 09-04-2013 at 04:27 PM..
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Old 09-04-2013, 04:00 PM
 
32,525 posts, read 32,874,239 times
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Originally Posted by CarolatMO View Post
she also sent some of these pictures to my son when they were together, which he deleted immediatly).....
He's 15 and he "immediately" deleted nude photos his girlfriend sent him?

Is he heterosexual?
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Old 09-04-2013, 04:08 PM
 
10 posts, read 14,732 times
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Originally Posted by DewDropInn View Post
He's 15 and he "immediately" deleted nude photos his girlfriend sent him?

Is he heterosexual?
Yes, however our local police force has been cracking down pretty hard on sexting due to a recent teen suicide case in our small town. Also, they're not really deleted, on our AT&T records, we pay extra to be able to see every text message/picture/video sent over MMS. He was planning to print out the records, and bring them to the local police department, and having her imprisoned for sending pornographic images to a minor. He really is hurting about this.

EDIT: He just informed me that the ex is trying to force sex out of her by claiming if she does not complete the act, he will leave her. What a great boy she left my son for........
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Old 09-04-2013, 04:19 PM
 
Location: Lauderdale by the Sea, Florida
384 posts, read 541,082 times
Reputation: 565
Quote:
Originally Posted by CarolatMO View Post
EDIT: He just informed me that the ex is trying to force sex out of her by claiming if she does not complete the act, he will leave her. What a great boy she left my son for........
Unfortunately, this is what most teenage girls are attracted to. They love guys who never answer their calls, ignore them, and generally treat them badly, but yet they still keep going back to the boyfriend to apologize about their supposed wrongdoings, when in reality they didn't do anything of the sort. I never fully understood why a teenage girl would want a partner who treats her like garbage , but the thankful part is that most girls grow out of this silly behavior. Or not, because there are many women in my area that still play childish high school games. To each his own I guess.
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Old 09-04-2013, 04:27 PM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
45,246 posts, read 92,374,334 times
Reputation: 40032
Quote:
Originally Posted by CarolatMO View Post
Hey there

My 16 year old son had a girlfriend from around March of this year until about the end of May. All throughout the relationship, the ex boyfriend from the girl's previous relationship called his girlfriend every day. My son did not like this and really wanted the ex to back off, so he told his girlfriend, who got defensive and claimed "[i] can talk to [whoever] the *expletive* I want to as long as I don't make out with them." My son was annoyed, but relented anyway, seeing how he didn't want to give up the girl he loved. However, I noticed the relationship was slowly deteriorating. She never answer most of his calls, and when she did, he was put onto a three way phone conversation with her and the ex. Finally, at the end of May the girl sheepishly told my son that they had simply "ran out of things to talk about" and "[i] want to go back to my ex, [I miss] him" (). Needless to say, my son is still annoyed about it, but today it reached a breaking point. He posted on my son's facebook about how he could never keep a girlfriend interested or in a relationship. So he is contemplating reporting her to the police for sending X-rated pictures of herself to the now boyfriend (she is 18, he is 15 and she also sent some of these pictures to my son when they were together, which he deleted immediatly).....I never knew my son would go that far for revenge.
How do I help my son get through this without any "revenge"?
oh boy.

Carol, is his dad in the picture?

This is one of those times he needs to learn about being a man from a man.
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Old 09-04-2013, 04:30 PM
 
13,746 posts, read 22,610,374 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CarolatMO View Post
Yes, however our local police force has been cracking down pretty hard on sexting due to a recent teen suicide case in our small town. Also, they're not really deleted, on our AT&T records, we pay extra to be able to see every text message/picture/video sent over MMS. He was planning to print out the records, and bring them to the local police department, and having her imprisoned for sending pornographic images to a minor. He really is hurting about this.

EDIT: He just informed me that the ex is trying to force sex out of her by claiming if she does not complete the act, he will leave her. What a great boy she left my son for........
You are getting too involved, I can tell merely by your comments about the ex. Do not allow yourself to get wrapped up in this, as it will hinder your son from moving on.

BTW, sexting isn't always, possibly not even likely, a one way thing. Does she have pictures of your son?
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Old 09-04-2013, 04:39 PM
 
10 posts, read 14,732 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lovesMountains View Post
oh boy.

Carol, is his dad in the picture?

This is one of those times he needs to learn about being a man from a man.
Yes, we're still together. But my son is hell bent on getting back at her. He figures that if she can hurt him by breaking up, that he can hurt her ten times more because she is a legal adult. Which is why my husband and I are trying our dearest to help him move on....

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mattie View Post
BTW, sexting isn't always, possibly not even likely, a one way thing. Does she have pictures of your son?
I viewed every picture they sent/received on my sons phone, and yes, she sent him three nude pictures of herself (she really shouldn't have, she is borderline overweight). From what I can tell from the text sent, he was coerced into it by her.
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Old 09-04-2013, 04:43 PM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
45,246 posts, read 92,374,334 times
Reputation: 40032
Quote:
Originally Posted by CarolatMO View Post
Yes, we're still together. But my son is hell bent on getting back at her. He figures that if she can hurt him by breaking up, that he can hurt her ten times more because she is a legal adult. Which is why my husband and I are trying our dearest to help him move on....



I viewed every picture they sent/received on my sons phone, and yes, she sent him three nude pictures of herself (she really shouldn't have, she is borderline overweight). From what I can tell from the text sent, he was coerced into it by her.

It's time for some tough love and firmness - past time actually.

You and your husband need to tell him in no uncertain terms that these are dangerous, immature attitudes and NOT the way to handle his anger.

Quit engaging him in conversation about all the things she did wrong.

You are just adding fuel to his fire by encouraging his obsession with this situation.
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