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There doesn't need to be a bad guy. My comments were directed towards Carrie's her take on this, which is portraying him as untrustworthy bad guy who needs to win her approval like she has all the power.
She will have to accept the fact that the baby will have unsupervised visitation without her at the fob's house after they've had their day in court. It's unrealistic to expect that the baby can't be away from her for a couple of hours. The breastfeeding can't be used as an excuse since she supplemented and the baby knows how to use a bottle.
I never said he couldn't be trusted with his own daughter, its just that she may not trust leaving her for an extended (even an hour) amount of time with people that have not been very supportive of her or the baby's dad's decisions. Would you leave your child with someone that disregarded your feelings on this life changing event at hand? In any happy situation, a new parent, espeicially a new mother has a hard time leaving her child alone with anyone even with dad for an extended amount of time. To me, the feeling I have precieved through the op's writing is that while her daughter is all for them (baby dads parents and extended family) to spend time with/bond with baby girl, she is just not ready to take baby girl to extended family's house and leave her (apon their wishes) for any extended amount of time and their expecatations at this time seem pretty unreasonable IMO.
Last edited by Carrie2979; 06-16-2014 at 11:03 PM..
She shouldn't have to start supplementing again if she doesn't want to, it could serious affect her milk supply and damage the breastfeeding relationship. The baby will get past the cluster feeding stage soon enough but until then I think FOB ought to be ok with her being close by during visits (the sitting in the car in the drive way sounds close enough to me and gives FOB space to be alone with baby)
I never said he couldn't be trusted with his own daughter.
You said she needs to be there a few times to gain trust before leaving the baby alone at his house.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Carrie2979
Any new parent that I have ever known, especially a new mother does not feel comfortable leaving her child alone with anyone even with dad for an extended amount of time. To me, the feeling I have precieved through the op's writing is that while her daughter is all for them (baby dads parents and extended family) to spend time with/bond with baby girl, she is just not ready to take baby girl to extended family's house and leave her (apon their wishes) for any extended amount of time. It seems pretty reasonable as the baby is only a month old. IMO it seems pretty logical to me.
It really doesn't matter how she or you feel about it. It's unlikely the courts will view a couple of hours as unreasonable.
She shouldn't have to start supplementing again if she doesn't want to, it could serious affect her milk supply and damage the breastfeeding relationship.
She doesn't even need to supplement. All she needs is to pump enough milk pumped for the first visit. If she pumps while the baby is visiting, she'll have breast milk to store for the next visit. Nipple confusion isn't a concern since she is already using the bottle for pumped breast milk.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Natsku
The baby will get past the cluster feeding stage soon enough but until then I think FOB ought to be ok with her being close by during visits (the sitting in the car in the drive way sounds close enough to me and gives FOB space to be alone with baby)
Since he has already fed bottles of breast milk during his visits at her house, it's a bit strange he can't do it while he's at his own house.
I cannot understand how anyone here could think that a mother should be separated from her breast fed one month old, colicky infant for one minute! Mom and baby are still in that stage when it's a very complex dance to just get through the day and night together. I remember that things didn't really calm down until the baby was over three months old. I still wouldn't have liked to let anyone, even the FOB, take the baby away for visitation after that, but before then, I would have attacked anyone who tried to take the baby away from me!
You wouldn't separate a DOG from her pups at this stage in the pup's development, not even for an hour. No court is going to order that a nursing very young infant be separated from the mother at this early stage.
Jersey, if your daughter is able to move to exclusive breastfeeding at this point, she should. You never know who you're going to wind up in front of in court. It's much less likely that an exclusively breastfed young infant would have court-ordered visitation away from the mother. If asked, she can always say that the baby refuses the bottle. If she does end up in front of a judge, she should be in there with a hungry crying baby, nursing in court (appropriately covered, of course), doing her job as a mother of a young infant.
Meanwhile, paternity tests take time. Has he even done anything about getting one? They have to draw blood from the baby, too, of course.
The fact that the FOB's family would refuse to see the newborn if it means that your daughter sets foot in their house, and that FOB agrees with this (especially after the welcome that you and your family have shown to him and his brother) says what kind of people they truly are. Imagine, choosing NOT to see your only grandchild, because you're standing on ceremony that the mother of the baby (who is NOT a drug addict, criminal, or anything warranting this rejection) is not going to set foot in your house! These people are idiots! They don't care about seeing the grandchild! They just want to fight!
What happened with the possibility of your family moving? Is that still in the works? It's looking like a better option every minute.
I cannot understand how anyone here could think that a mother should be separated from her breast fed one month old, colicky infant for one minute! Mom and baby are still in that stage when it's a very complex dance to just get through the day and night together.
I'm not saying I think it's best. I'm saying how the judge might rule based on the circumstances of his already having a relationship with the baby (not a stranger) and the baby readily taking a bottle. You agree it's possible the judge will grant short unsupervised visits or you wouldn't be encouraging the mob to lie.
Many breastfeeding mothers go back to work at 6 weeks. Their children are in daycare and they pump at work. We're talking about an hour or two, and the baby will be older than a month by the time they go to court. This is the type of stuff the judge will take into consideration.
Quote:
Originally Posted by parentologist
If asked, she can always say that the baby refuses the bottle.
That's a lie. The fob knows it because he feeds the baby bottles. If you're suggesting that she pretend the baby suddenly started to refuse bottles between now and the court date, I'll have no respect whatsoever if she does that. The judge would probably see right through it too when the fob says he was feeding her a bottle until shortly after the mob received notification about visitation. It could get him even more time because she'll look terribly manipulative by lying.
Quote:
Originally Posted by parentologist
The fact that the FOB's family would refuse to see the newborn if it means that your daughter sets foot in their house, and that FOB agrees with this (especially after the welcome that you and your family have shown to him and his brother) says what kind of people they truly are. Imagine, choosing NOT to see your only grandchild, because you're standing on ceremony that the mother of the baby (who is NOT a drug addict, criminal, or anything warranting this rejection) is not going to set foot in your house! These people are idiots! They don't care about seeing the grandchild! They just want to fight!
The fob's parents are despicable, but the fob is wise to protect his child from an uncomfortable situation. If I were the mob, I wouldn't want to be at their house knowing it will create an uncomfortable environment. The fob has the good sense to know that a comfortable environment is best for the baby.
We have resolved ourselves to be polite and respectful and very kind to fob. No reason not to be.
Why his parents can't do the same is beyond me.
She's not going to lie. It's not about him never having unsupervised visits. Now is just not a good time to start it with how she is. Very unpredictable.
When they discussed visits, the time without my daughter wasn't to start until 3 months old at the earliest. They agreed to revisit that then.
She's leaving it to the attorney now. The attorney said none of this will even be addressed until the paternity test is done.
That's the most perplexing and repulsive thing about the fob's parents. That's why it's best your daughter stays away from his house. It would be great if he moved away from there in the near future, but I believe you when you say he'll likely live there well into the future.
We have resolved ourselves to be polite and respectful and very kind to fob. No reason not to be.
Why his parents can't do the same is beyond me.
She's not going to lie. It's not about him never having unsupervised visits. Now is just not a good time to start it with how she is. Very unpredictable.
When they discussed visits, the time without my daughter wasn't to start until 3 months old at the earliest. They agreed to revisit that then.
She's leaving it to the attorney now. The attorney said none of this will even be addressed until the paternity test is done.
Thank you for the clarification. Perhaps, I missed that in an earlier post. If Dad agreed that unsupervised visits would start at age three months then he shouldn't be complaining about it now. Other posters and I didn't know, or missed, that point.
I probably didn't clarify specificly what wasn't going to happen. Just what was, as in what they agreed on for visitation.
I can understand the confusion. It wil all be ok in the long run. I'm sure of it.
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