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I have some faith that once all the legal issues are squared away, and behind them that the FOB will come around. As a guy, especially one that was not there for the birth of my child, you don't really form a bond with your child until you begin to spend more and more time with them. It's still tough to do when they are so young and dependant, but there will come a point when the child starts to laugh, and smile, and interact and then it just happens.
I know I always felt guilty in the beginning when I didn't have an instant bond with my child, and i confided in my male friends who told me that while mom's have that instant connection, it does take a little bit of time for a guy. They probably would never reveal that to their wives, but it did reassure me. I wasn't there for the beginning not by my choice, but the first time I met my child, I didn't get that bond that most parents say they do feel. But over time, as I continued to see my child, to play with them, to spend time, it just happened. Now I spend my days thinking of things I want to do and wondering if my child is old enough to go here, or go camping, or drive a power wheels, or what school they want to go to, or if i should buy them a laptop now so we can skype and I can help them with their homework during the week.
SO yes, i probably wasn't the world's greatest dad at first because that bond for a man takes some time to achieve when you don't see your child that often. But it will come. I know it sounds terrible but if the FOB still comes around to see his child, and makes that effort, then one day it just might click for him and he will fall over himself trying to buy things for his child.
On the flip side, it sucks for a young mom to have to endure this all alone while the FOB decides to come around. I've seen it all too often and it's just a terrible situation and I have all the respect in the world for mom's who do what they have to, when they have to, because there is nobody else.
Great post. I found the birth of my son and being a new dad to be surreal. It was an amazing experience, but it took a few weeks for everything to sink in. During the first few weeks, I had a much more workman like approach, just taking care of the baby as opposed to really forming a bond. Of course, my wife instantly had a bond with him (understandable). Now that he's a little older, he interacts with me a lot and gets excited when I walk through the door after work. The bond is definitely there. I hope that FOB remains in the picture and can experience this too. Praying that the drama comes to an end soon for you and your daughter, Jersey.
Great post. I found the birth of my son and being a new dad to be surreal. It was an amazing experience, but it took a few weeks for everything to sink in. During the first few weeks, I had a much more workman like approach, just taking care of the baby as opposed to really forming a bond. Of course, my wife instantly had a bond with him (understandable). Now that he's a little older, he interacts with me a lot and gets excited when I walk through the door after work. The bond is definitely there. I hope that FOB remains in the picture and can experience this too. Praying that the drama comes to an end soon for you and your daughter, Jersey.
I think that's the approach most men take. Lol! You're bringing back memories of my own husband with my twins. He took to it like the responsibility of a job. I will give him credit though. He worked nights when they were born and would get home at 3:00 am. I would be feeding at the time and he would grab one and feed her so I could cut down the time and it could be more comfortable for me.
He didn't help at all with my oldest until she was 2 but it was while he was actually working to help me with the twins that they bonded.
From there forward, he bonded with them all. They are so lucky to have such a great dad.
I really hope this whole mess gets straightened out quickly.
Great post. I found the birth of my son and being a new dad to be surreal. It was an amazing experience, but it took a few weeks for everything to sink in. During the first few weeks, I had a much more workman like approach, just taking care of the baby as opposed to really forming a bond.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jerseyt719
I think that's the approach most men take. Lol! You're bringing back memories of my own husband with my twins. He took to it like the responsibility of a job.
I can't be the only woman who didn't form an instant bond. I took care of my children with the utmost compassion and love I would for any human being whose life would depend upon me suddenly. It took a few weeks to be able to say their names comfortably. It was like they were strangers. I didn't know their personalities. At some point, I felt that feeling when you're falling in love with someone, and you feel that excited anticipation before seeing them---like your heart races because can't wait to see them. It was utter, sheer happiness of euphoric love. That's when I bonded. All the cuddling, cooing and sweetness I displayed earlier was merely my personality, not really the bond.
Can't remember who it was but some celebrity actually wrote a book or maybe it was an article about her inability to instantly bond. She was exhausted and irritable and felt she was a failure as a mother cause she just didn't have all those warm and fuzzy feelings from the beginning. And this article brought out so many mothers and father who admitted, rather reluctantly, that they too took a couple of weeks or maybe even months to feel a bond.
I can see where a father wouldn't instantly bond since so much of the early caregiving-if nursing- goes to the mother. And any woman who has given birth can relate to exhaustion and wanting sleep after 9 months of gas, nausea, instability as far as balance, etc.
I have 3 adopted kids and 1 bio baby. We did not know the gender of our bio baby and I really wanted a girl. Got a boy and was bummed for about 15 minutes. Also in shock that something so beautiful actually came from my body. But the bond was instant.
For two of our adopted girls I had pictures and the minute I had those pictures it was love at first sight.
The third baby was placed in my arms when she was 6 months old. I had waited in Vietnam for almost 7 weeks for her leaving a 10 month home with her Daddy. I was tired and angry and had decided if she didn't come that very day I was going back home. The first thing I said to her was "Well it's about time." She showed her personality so quickly that the name we had chosen for her immediately went up in smoke and i picked a more appropriate name. My exhaustion was gone with the new love which filled my heart. Finally after almost 21 years from the birth of our son to this day our family was complete. People said I glowed like they had never seen.
Everybody is different. The most important thing is that a bond takes place.
I can't be the only woman who didn't form an instant bond. I took care of my children with the utmost compassion and love I would for any human being whose life would depend upon me suddenly. It took a few weeks to be able to say their names comfortably. It was like they were strangers. I didn't know their personalities. At some point, I felt that feeling when you're falling in love with someone, and you feel that excited anticipation before seeing them---like your heart races because can't wait to see them. It was utter, sheer happiness of euphoric love. That's when I bonded. All the cuddling, cooing and sweetness I displayed earlier was merely my personality, not really the bond.
You're not. I've had three and it was a different precise moment with each. With my first it was a few weeks after he was born, after a late-night feeding, that I experienced that moment when the hammer hits. With my second, it was in the hospital while I watched my husband holding her and smiling. With the third, it was actually as I watched the monitor of her heartbeat dipping as we waited to decide on a c-section. I said and did all the right things up until those moments, but that feeling flooding over me was a very distinct feeling.
I can see where a father wouldn't instantly bond since so much of the early caregiving-if nursing- goes to the mother. And any woman who has given birth can relate to exhaustion and wanting sleep after 9 months of gas, nausea, instability as far as balance, etc.
I remember in my situation that I was only seeing my child for 2-3 hours, every 2 weeks at that point due to them being young. It was hard to bond when you felt like a baby sitter. I honestly spent more time with friend's children, than my own. I also really had no idea what to do and was nervous. So that made things really tough.
When they got older, and I was getting overnights and able to do things on my own, and watch them mimic me, or learn from me...it happened. Now i slap diapers on 1 handed while juggling 3 other things.
At that point, it became less like work, and more like fun.
My daughter is 19 and just told me she's pregnant. I've gotten her birth control for the past two years. I've paid for it, ordered it and handed it to her.
I do not support the decision to have this baby. The boys parents are happy for them. I like the kid but neither of them are through with their schooling. I still have two kids other than her to raise. My husband and I do not want to raise another. What to do?
Better parenting prior to keep her from getting pregnant in the first place would have been best. However since that shipped has sailed, you still have two others to get on the right track.
As to you not supporting their decision, what is your purposed alternative? Adoption, abortion, ???
Better parenting prior to keep her from getting pregnant in the first place would have been best. However since that shipped has sailed, you still have two others to get on the right track.
As to you not supporting their decision, what is your purposed alternative? Adoption, abortion, ???
This ship sailed. I have a beautiful granddaughter now. She is 6 weeks old and absolutely precious.
Yes, I would have supported adoption or abortion just to answer your question.
I am not a bad parent and very open with my kids. I don't think there was anything more I could have done to try and prevent it.
Better parenting prior to keep her from getting pregnant in the first place would have been best. However since that shipped has sailed, you still have two others to get on the right track.
As to you not supporting their decision, what is your purposed alternative? Adoption, abortion, ???
Bolded is HORSE HOCKEY. Even perfect parents have kids who make mistakes and to blame poor parenting on this is ridiculous.
2nd...why do people think they can come in many many pages of posts later that they obviously did not bother to read and think their comment will make any sense. So much as been covered that your comment is also ridiculous.
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