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There's nothing wrong with reminding someone, when things get rough, that they made a commitment. It's not how you start it's how you finish that matters.
I think it's best to remind someone of a commitment by telling them it's their responsibility instead of mentioning the choice because it may make her feel she made a mistake. Sure, commitment and responsibility can cause her regret too, but the direct link to the choice can cause greater harm. Focing on the decision/choice is like saying you made a mistake and you have to live with it.
You have a commitment to your child. She is your responsibility. This is your life, not your sisters. There are a million ways to word it to help her learn how to finish without bringing up the start--the decision.
I think it's best to remind someone of a commitment by telling them it's their responsibility instead of mentioning the choice because it may make her feel she made a mistake. Sure, commitment and responsibility can cause her regret too, but the direct link to the choice can cause greater harm. Focing on the decision/choice is like saying you made a mistake and you have to live with it.
You have a commitment to your child. She is your responsibility. This is your life, not your sisters. There are a million ways to word it to help her learn how to finish without bringing up the start--the decision.
And that's just semantics. The meaning is the same. Reminding someone that this is the choice they made is just telling them that they have to now live up to the choice they made. When you make a choice, you choose everything that comes with that choice not just what you wanted. There's nothing wrong with the way Jersey worded this.
I had to give my daughter a reality check. I had to basically explain to her that if she doesn't like how he or his family act and things they do, tough. She chose this entire situation.
Getting angry and dwelling on things regarding them is energy draining and does no good. It just takes energy away from the baby. I told her that what's important to her is very secondary to what's best for the baby.
Basically, suck it up. There are no easy answers. This is life and her job is to make it the best it can be for the baby. It's going to take hard work and sacrifice but get used to it. That's how life is.
I don't sugarcoat things with my girls.
Now me on the other hand, I get angry and stew. I know, I know, pot meet kettle. That's what this thread is for.
Part of growing up is realizing that when you make choices, you choose everything that comes with those choices. It's a hard part of growing up but we've all had to face negative consequences of choices we made.
I feel it's a big mistake to bring up the decision.
Say "this is your responsibility" instead of "you chose this entire situation."
It's no big deal you said it once. I just fear you might say it again and wanted to warn against it.
This is great advice. She'll need lots of guidance in this regard because she's going to want to escape.
Ok. I certainly implied that this is your choice meant a decision otherwise would have been wiser. My mistake. That wasn't the conversation.
What the words were, were you knew this wouldn't be easy and there would be others to deal with from the beginning. No one ever implied it would be roses and sunshine and you were prepared to deal with it. Don't get this upset over what's happening now. Nothing you can change about anyone else but worrying and stressing over things they do and say takes energy away from the baby. That's the priority.
I can see how my original comment sounds like I told her more along the lines of "well you decided to keep her". No. Never. I'm glad she made that choice. Baby girl brings so much joy to our lives.
I think it's best to remind someone of a commitment by telling them it's their responsibility instead of mentioning the choice because it may make her feel she made a mistake. Sure, commitment and responsibility can cause her regret too, but the direct link to the choice can cause greater harm. Focing on the decision/choice is like saying you made a mistake and you have to live with it.
You have a commitment to your child. She is your responsibility. This is your life, not your sisters. There are a million ways to word it to help her learn how to finish without bringing up the start--the decision.
No I think you're reading it wrong. Jersey is reminding her daughter that she chose to have this baby knowing she was going to have to deal with the fob and his family for the foreseeable future. I think that's the choice she's talking about. Not the choice to have the baby per se, but the choice to remain committed to the other side of her baby's family.
And she's an adult now. Shouldn't have to tiptoe through the tulips to speak the truth.
No I think you're reading it wrong. Jersey is reminding her daughter that she chose to have this baby knowing she was going to have to deal with the fob and his family for the foreseeable future. I think that's the choice she's talking about. Not the choice to have the baby per se, but the choice to remain committed to the other side of her baby's family.
And she's an adult now. Shouldn't have to tiptoe through the tulips to speak the truth.
The other thing to tell her is that it really does get easier in many ways -- a newborn requires much care, a toddler does also. An older child will spend time in school and require a lot less direct care. The early years fly by -- and it's important to savor the moments - that baby will only be a baby once and for a very short time. Even for those around who may offer her a hand now and then, the baby is going to grow up fast - might as well help her when they can.
No I think you're reading it wrong. Jersey is reminding her daughter that she chose to have this baby knowing she was going to have to deal with the fob and his family for the foreseeable future. I think that's the choice she's talking about. Not the choice to have the baby per se, but the choice to remain committed to the other side of her baby's family.
And she's an adult now. Shouldn't have to tiptoe through the tulips to speak the truth.
And that's just semantics. The meaning is the same. Reminding someone that this is the choice they made is just telling them that they have to now live up to the choice they made. When you make a choice, you choose everything that comes with that choice not just what you wanted. There's nothing wrong with the way Jersey worded this.
I don't know how else to say this, but your disagreeing with me sort of validates I'm right.
Ok. I certainly implied that this is your choice meant a decision otherwise would have been wiser. My mistake. That wasn't the conversation.
What the words were, were you knew this wouldn't be easy and there would be others to deal with from the beginning. No one ever implied it would be roses and sunshine and you were prepared to deal with it. Don't get this upset over what's happening now. Nothing you can change about anyone else but worrying and stressing over things they do and say takes energy away from the baby. That's the priority.
I can see how my original comment sounds like I told her more along the lines of "well you decided to keep her". No. Never. I'm glad she made that choice. Baby girl brings so much joy to our lives.
I totally get it. I just wanted to warn you from making a habit of wording it that particular way you posted it.
I know you appreciate the heads up on these types of things.
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Part of growing up is realizing that when you make choices, you choose everything that comes with those choices. It's a hard part of growing up but we've all had to face negative consequences of choices we made. 
