How to deal with a pregnant teen (schools, welfare, teach)

[KathrynAragon]

Life in general has the potential for peril and hardship by the way. You can do everything "right" (and "right" is a very subjective term, by the way) and still end up brokenhearted, desperately ill, or a financial ruin. Personally, I don't regret having my children when I was young. Honestly, my only regret is WHO I chose to be their father, but I know plenty of people who marry in their late twenties or early thirties and still end up divorced and disillusioned.

I had my reasons for marrying young, and I'll leave it at that - but I learned through that experience that people generally do have their reasons and most people try to make the best decisions with the information they have at hand at the time. My mother married young and is still happily married to my father. Both my daughters married around age 21 and married terrific guys and are in very happy marriages.

And we're not simply "lucky." We have good attitudes, good work ethics, and the ability to roll with the punches. We're optimistic, creative, and tough. We forgive easily. We respect others even when they are very different from us. These are some of the values that are taught and lived in our family.

But since you asked about pictures, here you go:

My dad and all his great grandkids:

[KathrynAragon]

I just want the thread posters to understand that I'm only using the examples from my own family to illustrate that even when less than ideal choices are made, all is not lost. Lives can be "salvaged," and love can be reveled in. A positive attitude and a loving family can overcome all sorts of odds.

Also, the best laid plans of mice and men...well, you know the saying. Life can really throw you for a loop, and your loved ones can disappoint you. Trust me, you'll disappoint them along the way too. But as another saying goes, "Joy comes in the morning." Each day we have the opportunity to do better and to better the environment around us. A life of small, good choices each day can be turned around in pretty short order usually.

[Hopes]

Cute picture. Love the dog.

Kathryn, just imagine for a moment what your lives would have been like without the military for income and housing. Just imagine what your daughter's and granddaughter's life would be like without the military. It seems you both needed the military to save you from not finishing your educations before having children. Your first husband had to go into the military because he had children before finishing. Your daughter married an officer. A positive attitude can only take you so far. The military is what saved your family for at least two generations. But the military isn't an option for everyone.

[KathrynAragon]

Originally Posted by Hopes

Cute picture. Love the dog.

Kathryn, just imagine for a moment what your lives would have been like without the military for income and housing. Just imagine what your daughter's and granddaughter's life would be like without the military. It seems you both needed the military to save you from not finishing your educations before having children. Your first husband had to go into the military because he had children before finishing. Your daughter married an officer. A positive attitude can only take you so far.

My family has a military history going back every generation for as far back as we can trace it, through every American war. My father was military, my grandfather, my brother, my uncles, my great uncles. We didn't "use the military to save us," - it's a family tradition. Big difference. Our family has served in Afghanistan, Iraq, Beirut, the Persian Gulf, Vietnam, Korea, Germany, during the Civil War, the War of 1812, the Battle of Goliad, and the Revolutionary War. I've probably left some skirmishes and countries out of that line up, but you get the general idea.

My son is in the military, my youngest daughter met her husband in the military. My oldest daughter's husband WANTED a military career - he didn't use it because he had no other options to provide for his family - he had his degree already.

By the way, when you're in the military, you EARN your income and your housing is a part of that earned income. It's not given to you. The base pay is extremely low. Housing makes up the difference between the military and the private sector.

The military is what saved your family for at least two generations. But the military isn't an option for everyone.

I can only guess that you're lashing back at me because I offended you earlier. Surely you know how offensive this statement is! (By the way, I am genuinely sorry for my miscommunicated words that bothered you earlier, which is why I apologized and tried to clarify that statement.)

I've stood at the gate as my father, my son, my daughter, and my son in law left for combat zones. My son was injured several times in IED explosions, and still suffers from PTSD. My father spent 8 months out of the year in Vietnam when I was a child. My daughter had to leave a four month old baby to go to Iraq during the Iraq war. Sheeze!

However, the military was not a choice made of desperation. My family is proud to serve - always has been.

I'm sorry - this is off topic for the thread, but I just couldn't let those statements go unanswered.

[Jaded]

Too cute!

Whew - . Now that everyone has calmed down, reading through the various opinions here, perhaps the OP will continue to share with us the details of her daughter's decision as this pregnancy evolves .

[KathrynAragon]

Originally Posted by Jaded

Too cute!

Whew - . Now that everyone has calmed down, reading through the various opinions here, perhaps the OP will continue to share with us the details of her daughter's decision as this pregnancy evolves .

Sorry - I WAS calm till the post about the "military saving my family." I'm calm now that I've answered that one. Let's PLEASE stick to the discussion about the OP's daughter and her options. The only reason I've shared about my family is to dispel the notion that the daughter's decision to keep the baby is one that will probably end in financial ruin and unhappiness for her and her child. I wanted to put real faces and real lives up as an example of lives moving forward in spite of some bad decisions - because we also made some good ones. I think most families operate that way.

You can tick all the boxes and still be miserable. Don't we all know people like that?

[Hopes]

I didn't mean it as an insult similarly to how you didn't mean to insult me earlier.

I was putting the OP's daughter's situation into perspective. The military isn't an option for everyone. Her boyfriend might not qualify. Even if he does, they might not stay together as a couple, and she might be a single mother. As a single mother, she can't go into the military herself unless she has an approved child care plan. It doesn't sound like her support system can handle that type of commitment in helping out. Her meeting an officer is probably unlikely based on where they live.

I asked you to put yourself in the OP's daughter's shoes for just one moment---and imagine what your life would have been like if your first husband didn't drop out of college and join the military because you got pregnant. Just imagine the financial struggle you would have endured without an education and without the military. That's more likely the reality the OP's daughter faces.

[AnnieA]

So, has any decision been made ?

[markg91359]

Sorry - I WAS calm till the post about the "military saving my family." I'm calm now that I've answered that one. Let's PLEASE stick to the discussion about the OP's daughter and her options. The only reason I've shared about my family is to dispel the notion that the daughter's decision to keep the baby is one that will probably end in financial ruin and unhappiness for her and her child. I wanted to put real faces and real lives up as an example of lives moving forward in spite of some bad decisions - because we also made some good ones. I think most families operate that way.

You can tick all the boxes and still be miserable. Don't we all know people like that?

The window is closing on opportunities that used to exist for people who made those less than ideal choices you mention. Let me give some examples:

1. First of all, the military is shrinking in numbers and will gradually become far more selective in who it allows to enlist. I can easily see the day when an associates degree in college (at a minimum) will be required of even those enlisting as the very bottom levels of all branches of service.

2. Assembly work in factories use to employ many people who were "drop outs" or who had marginal academic skills. Many young fathers or mothers got this type of work in the past. Today, this work is being sent overseas for people who work for a $1 a day or is increasingly being done by robots and high automated processes.

3. Jobs used to be available in local government in activities like trash collection and public works. Local governments employ fewer people in these jobs today. Garbage collection today only involves a handful of people operating trucks today. High pension costs and soaring budget deficits limit the number of people that local governments hire all around.

I've given my opinion about what the OP ought to do. I don't object to other opinions.

I do think though it is highly unrealistic to tell young people with no job skills in this economy that if "they work hard, all will be well". We are looking at world with increasing steeper ladders and narrower gates at the top. Sadly, there is going to be many more people who fall by the wayside than in years past.

[Blackscorpion]

Let's make this simple.

How do you deal with a pregnant teen? Easy. You don't. You pay a rental deposit and maybe evern a month's rent and there you go. It's their problem now because they sure weren't thinking about finances when they were being irresponsible.