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The comments about mourning and turning the corner when the child is born are resonating with my thought process right now.
I may change my mind after the ultrasound, who knows at this point.
My main goal right now is to help keep her focused on school and getting her apartment. Those are two goals of the moment.
I did finally talk to my husband about it. He and I feel the same right now. We both feel as though we failed her as parents. We've accepted that she is going to have a child and are sorry for how hard her life will be. I am picking up small things here and there like dish towels and small kitchen gadgets, etc.
Wow. I have to give you a lot of credit. You must be a really strong person. This will serve you well throughout life.
I can't imagine going through that on your own at that age.
It was just one of many "roadblocks" I had to get over in my life.
I guess it really was just another life lesson I had to learn myself. I am better for it.
Similar to your daughter, you can try and shield her and make decisions for her to prevent struggle, but she will have to face this on her own. Hopefully like me, she'll learn from her mistakes and be better for them in the future.
It was just one of many "roadblocks" I had to get over in my life.
I guess it really was just another life lesson I had to learn myself. I am better for it.
Similar to your daughter, you can try and shield her and make decisions for her to prevent struggle, but she will have to face this on her own. Hopefully like me, she'll learn from her mistakes and be better for them in the future.
I really don't plan on shielding her. She is going to have to mature in a hurry. I will emotionally and morally support her. Although I don't think I'm doing a great job of it right now. I'm having a hard time not being upset for her.
She and her bf have to look at places starting this month if they want to be in December or January. This is when life will slap them hard when they see how much deposits, etc. are.
She and her bf have to look at places starting this month if they want to be in December or January. This is when life will slap them hard when they see how much deposits, etc. are.
Good point, reality will do much of the work for you in terms of giving her a slap/check.
You should be there for her when she needs your support emotionally. Otherwise, you have two other children to be a mom to. She can work through the rest like normal teen moms do; the best they can.
I got pregnant when I was 15 and in an abusive relationship.
I had the abortion. I never once regretted it, graduated college, am perusing my masters. I can't imagine what my life would be like if I had actually kept the child-the thought never actually crossed my mind one. I always knew what I wanted to do.
Your daughter needs to think about what her life will be like and how difficult it will be for her to succeed with a child.
I see some key differences between your situation and the OP's daughter. For one, it sounds like they are in a committed and relatively healthy relationship - at least as much as it can be under the circumstances - and not abusive. She obviously has committed and concerned parents, not "a holes" that weren't involved in the situation. And she is a 19 year old adult while you were 15. I'm not passing judgment on your decision. Under the circumstances, many would have done the same thing you did. I'm glad to see that things worked out for you in the end, but this is a different situation. I guess I'm a little more old school in thinking that if two adults are in a consensual sexual relationship and not utilizing birth control, they shouldn't really be that surprised if/when they get pregnant and should make the best of the situation without resorting to abortion simply because they didn't do what you needed to in order to not get pregnant. There are so many ways to prevent pregnancy these days. I'm dead set against using abortion as a birth control method after the fact. I've been following this thread since it opened. I definitely sympathize with the OP. I can't imagine being in that position, but I think the OP has been handling the situation great. As a new parent, I know how tough it can be to take care of an infant. It'll be a challenge for her daughter. But I for one am glad to see that they're going to try and I wish them nothing but the best.
There are government programs that cover medical care as well. WIC is a dandy program.
She may be eligible for subsidized housing. Worth checking out. Sometimes the lists are long.
These are programs we have all been paying taxes for to extend a helping hand when folks need it. Sounds like your daughter needs it.
They are temporary, of course. Most last just long enough to tide them over the rough times.
But they are a wake-up call for many.
It's one thing to ask your folks for next months rent or diapers. Quite another to be telling your sad story to a social worker and filling out all the paper work.
Keeping a good thought for you all.
Great, punish tax payers for someone else's mistake, boy you are quick to put all that help out there.
A couple of weeks have gone by. I still cannot bring myself to get to where I'm not disappointed and sad for my daughter's future. Maybe it will change in the near future. Maybe it's just me and I'm not going to change my thoughts.
Any of you that went through this feel this way? Did you ever turn a corner on it?
You don't really know your daughter's future. A baby doesn't prevent one from finishing an education, she may not do it immediately but in time a baby may make her want a better paying career more than ever.
You can be disappointed and sad, you wanted to protect her from having to grow up fast and have that kind of responsibility but she decided differently.
How you feel about it in the end will depend a lot on you and also on how she does. Even if she is a great young mother, there may be times that you look at her and feel a lot of sadness that she's so young and burdened down, but depending on how things pan out, it may not be as bad as you imagined.
For now, I don't think you have to try and feel a whole lot of excitement or enthusiasm about it, but things will play out like they do. You'll feel different when it's time to feel different, that time will come, your thoughts will change but that doesn't mean you ever have to think it was the best thing she could have done or the best timing.
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