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I was trying to cheer up kids. Things were fine when I began posting but then went to the pits.
That man, the dad, just has very strange ways of seeing things and going about things.
This man is not encouraging his son to look for a job that doesn't continually cut his hours. The bf has gone from 35 hours a week to 25. There's no signs of it going back up. Not my business.
I just get the play by play of conversations. He's telling his son, don't worry about it. Things will work out. People will give you guys furniture and stuff.
He told my daughter to go register at a store so people can go buy stuff for her. Which is great but don't fill their heads with this rosey picture!!
They need like 2k just to move for rent and security. This "things will work out" is not a good way to look at it, nor is it practical.
Further, my one daughter and one of my oldest daughters friends are going to plan the shower. They asked me to get names and addresses of his side and those they want there.
I was trying to cheer up kids. Things were fine when I began posting but then went to the pits.
That man, the dad, just has very strange ways of seeing things and going about things.
This man is not encouraging his son to look for a job that doesn't continually cut his hours. The bf has gone from 35 hours a week to 25. There's no signs of it going back up. Not my business.
I just get the play by play of conversations. He's telling his son, don't worry about it. Things will work out. People will give you guys furniture and stuff.
He told my daughter to go register at a store so people can go buy stuff for her. Which is great but don't fill their heads with this rosey picture!! They need like 2k just to move for rent and security. This "things will work out" is not a good way to look at it, nor is it practical.
Wowzers! I've been holding my opinion back on this. But, here it goes. This is NOT GOING TO BE A GOOD situation. We are dealing with something similar. Honestly, the BF's parents are going to be a real serious problem...for life (because they will be in this child's and your daughter's life permanently once the child is born). I now get a feeling that the BF was actually more irresponsible than your daughter in her becoming pregnant. Wait. Let me explain why:
First, the father is condoning placing the responsibility to parent this child on "other people" including himself. Makes sense now why he wanted them to move into his home. This is a very co-dependent family. He is not supporting independence, quite the opposite actually.
Second, what grandparent offers to "stand-in" for the father at the birth (with the exception that the father is overseas in the military)? Again, he's completely conditioned his child to not be responsible, one doesn't need to be responsible, other people will be responsible for you. Yeh, right!
Third, he (the grandfather) is assuming that your daughter will receive tons of things at her baby shower; and, he's telling his son this as if it is a given, a matter of fact, a "right of passage" so to speak. AWFUL. Given your daughter's age, the likelihood that her peers can afford the types of gifts he's alluding to is slim to none. And, he's also assuming that her side of the family is all A-Okay with this situation and will provide accordingly. Again, AWFUL mindset. Where is the lesson of responsibility for his son?
Finally, he is emasculating his son and marginalizing your daughter. He needs to butt out. Grandfather or not, he's really out of line. I don't expect you or your husband to deal with him directly, and you shouldn't. But, I believe you need to have a very serious talk with your daughter. She's going to have to stand her ground and be firm; a lot stronger than her BF in standing up to his father/family. This is where she will need your full-support.
Seriously? "People will buy you furniture." Is he that delusional!! HE needs to buy them furniture if that's his value system. HE needs to assume full parental responsibility if he wants to play such a huge role and implant himself in their lives like he has.
Regarding their impending expenses (and future ones) I'd say this boy's father needs to either pony up or step aside - and if he steps aside he should take his misguided opinions with him. He is the grandfather, not the father. Now I totally understand where your husband is coming from. Geez.
As I stated earlier, we're going through a similar situation. My DH and I are like you and your DH. But other parental role models in our "special friend's" life mimic what this grandfather is saying. Well, guess what? We didn't take the bait, and neither should you. I truly feel for your daughter. I bet she had no idea what his family was really like. What a way to find out!
She isn't listening to it and thinks it's pretty dumb to assume this stuff.
She isn't looking to deal with him. She has already told the bf that she won't.
She came to me and told me their incomes. I told her what I thought they could realistically afford together. She was shocked to see how little he can afford for rent. Could he pay more? Sure but then where's gas money to get to and from work and utilities.
She's in a dilemma.
I don't see how she can make this work. She cannot get housing assistance. That list has been closed for 4 years.
This whole situation is blowing my mind.
I'm not even listening anymore to his dad's theories. They make no sense.
His mom is a good person. I will say that. She did finally call me. I just don't think she has ever stood up to her husband and it certainly isn't my place to comment or pass judgment. One thing I've taught my kids is just because someone else does things different, doesn't make it wrong. It's just different.
Funny, I find myself reminding myself of this more and more.
She came to me and told me their incomes. I told her what I thought they could realistically afford together. She was shocked to see how little he can afford for rent. Could he pay more? Sure but then where's gas money to get to and from work and utilities.
She's in a dilemma.
I don't see how she can make this work. She cannot get housing assistance. That list has been closed for 4 years.
This whole situation is blowing my mind.
It's a shame she didn't know she couldn't afford an apartment before she made the decision. It sounds like the only options are for her to stay living with you, move to a low cost of living city, or move to a state with housing assistance. It's too late for an abortion, right? Since it's probably unlikely she will move to another city or state within the next few years, I have a feeling it's time for you to reconsider your position on her living with you.
It's a shame she didn't know she couldn't afford an apartment before she made the decision. It sounds like the only options are for her to stay living with you, move to a low cost of living city, or move to a state with housing assistance. It's too late for an abortion, right? Since it's probably unlikely she will move to another city or state within the next few years, I have a feeling it's time for you to reconsider your position on her living with you.
I couldn't reconsider if I wanted to. There's simply no room. She is going to need to do a roommate thing or get an efficiency.
This is one area I won't give on. I have other children that I need to continue to raise and she shares a room with one of them. Not at all enough room for a crib or all if the other stuff you need for a baby. Moral and emotional support is all I have to offer her.
They need to step up in this situation. They may need to take a second job. I did it and still do to provide for my family.
This whole thing is not impossible for them but they need to make tough decisions. It's not ideal but not impossible either.
I couldn't reconsider if I wanted to. There's simply no room. She is going to need to do a roommate thing or get an efficiency.
This is one area I won't give on. I have other children that I need to continue to raise and she shares a room with one of them. Not at all enough room for a crib or all if the other stuff you need for a baby. Moral and emotional support is all I have to offer her.
They need to step up in this situation. They may need to take a second job. I did it and still do to provide for my family.
This whole thing is not impossible for them but they need to make tough decisions. It's not ideal but not impossible either.
I was going by "I don't see how she can make this work. She cannot get housing assistance."
You made it sound like they couldn't afford housing period. If she can afford an efficiency, that's a different story. It's doubtful a roommate situation will work out if she's living with the boyfriend. If she will be living by herself without him, she could get a place with another new mother.
If there truly isn't affordable housing in the area and she can't live with you, seriously consider suggesting she investigate low cost of living cities and states that have subsidized housing. That means not living near your grandchild, but it might be the only option if she can't live with you.
I found these low income housing resources in your county.
It's a shame she didn't know she couldn't afford an apartment before she made the decision. It sounds like the only options are for her to stay living with you, move to a low cost of living city, or move to a state with housing assistance. It's too late for an abortion, right? Since it's probably unlikely she will move to another city or state within the next few years, I have a feeling it's time for you to reconsider your position on her living with you.
I wonder that adoption is so frequently left off of options lists. Adoption is still a very good possibility to consider.
I will give her each of these links for her to look into.
Thank you so much for the leads
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HE needs to buy them furniture if that's his value system. HE needs to assume full parental responsibility if he wants to play such a huge role and implant himself in their lives like he has. 
