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Smart move. Why should the child have the family name of a family that will not raise them? My oldest has the last name of my ex. He was adamant about giving him his last name. Please, he hasn't seen his child in more than a decade and before that he wasn't that great at keeping in touch. It seems to me it was more about his pride than actually being concerned with being a good father. I wish I had let him have my maiden name since it was me and my family that raised him but I don't dwell on it since life moves on.
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Originally Posted by Jerseyt719
She has also decided to give the baby our last name and not dad's. Thoughts on this, anyone?
I think it's fine... is she prepared for the fallout from her ex and his father???
She is. The only one she needs to explain it to is the baby's dad. Not his dad.
Recently there has been a lot of bs and I'm sure there's more where that came from in our future.
With the shower, my daughter decides she didn't want the dad to go. Not a big deal. My husband was there as well as a couple of male friends of the family and the men that traveled over 400 miles to bring their wives. My husband invited my other daughter's boyfriend as well who is the brother of the baby's dad. The mom and grandma were coming. No big deal. They wouldn't give him a ride. He's about a month shy of 18 and his car just broke down. He called my husband for a ride and he went and got him.
Now mind you this family was there other than the dad and his dad. Which everyone was just fine with up until this point.
Then his mom comes to me at the end and says "tell my son I said thanks a lot for staying home". I just said ok. I really should have said he's your son, tell him yourself. I didn't want a scene and know we are all going to have to take the high road quite a bit in the future.
They then yelled at him when he got home and told him that we didn't want him there to begin with, etc. This poor kid was just confused. I made sure I told him we did want him there. If we didn't he wouldn't be.
Then the mom called me to tell me to tell him to go right home after he said goodbye to my husband who was getting ready to leave on an extended business trip. Unreal!!!
I decided that's the last time I will play messenger to either one of them.
She texted me that she and her husband want to go to dinner with me and mine. This was before all this drama. I don't think those plans will come to fruition.
I never thought about my daughter getting married in the future and her husband being called mr. Baby Name. That's a thought as well.
With the shower, my daughter decides she didn't want the dad to go. Not a big deal. My husband was there as well as a couple of male friends of the family and the men that traveled over 400 miles to bring their wives. My husband invited my other daughter's boyfriend as well who is the brother of the baby's dad. The mom and grandma were coming. No big deal. They wouldn't give him a ride. He's about a month shy of 18 and his car just broke down. He called my husband for a ride and he went and got him.
Now mind you this family was there other than the dad and his dad. Which everyone was just fine with up until this point.
Then his mom comes to me at the end and says "tell my son I said thanks a lot for staying home". I just said ok. I really should have said he's your son, tell him yourself. I didn't want a scene and know we are all going to have to take the high road quite a bit in the future.
They then yelled at him when he got home and told him that we didn't want him there to begin with, etc. This poor kid was just confused. I made sure I told him we did want him there. If we didn't he wouldn't be.
OK...now, along with the poor kid, _I_ am confused! Your daughter did not want babydaddy there... but babydaddy's BROTHER can come...(??! that's bizarre) then later you say babydaddy WAS welcome?? Which is it?
She is. The only one she needs to explain it to is the baby's dad. Not his dad.
Recently there has been a lot of bs and I'm sure there's more where that came from in our future.
who said anything about explaining to the ex's dad? He's going to be put out and inflict himself in this situation anyway. How does your daughter intend to handle/deal with that? Is she strong enough to tell him to butt out?
Two thumbs up on giving her own last name to the kid! Why should she give his last name, when he's already announcing that he's not paying child support?
It's come a long way since the initial excitement when they sat down with you and were gung ho on doing this together, on their own. I wish every newly pregnant teen, or teen who is thinking that they don't really need to use birth control, could read this thread.
Family practice physicians have the same number of years of residency training (3) as pediatricians, but they spend their training time doing a lot of adult (geriatric) medicine, a little pediatrics, and a bit of OB GYN. Of the three years, they spend at most six months on pediatrics. Pediatricians spend the entire three years doing only pediatrics. When they get out, most family docs see largely adults, most of whom are older. Very little pediatrics. Pediatricians practice exclusively pediatrics.
OK...now, along with the poor kid, _I_ am confused! Your daughter did not want babydaddy there... but babydaddy's BROTHER can come...(??! that's bizarre) then later you say babydaddy WAS welcome?? Which is it?
Perhaps she meant the ex-bf's dad was not welcomed.
OK...now, along with the poor kid, _I_ am confused! Your daughter did not want babydaddy there... but babydaddy's BROTHER can come...(??! that's bizarre) then later you say babydaddy WAS welcome?? Which is it?
I think her other daughter is dating babydaddy's brother. He is already part of the family. OP mentioned in another post that he (brother) is staying with them because his own family neglected his bronchitis.
I think her other daughter is dating babydaddy's brother. He is already part of the family. OP mentioned in another post that he (brother) is staying with them because his own family neglected his bronchitis.
Ok. No, the pregnant daughter did not want the baby's dad there.
The brother was invited as my other daughter's boyfriend. This kid helped us so much with the planning and preparation. He is pretty much a fixture with us anyway. He was the one that was more than welcome. I wasn't going to force my daughter to have the baby's dad there. He has been really stressing her out and she didn't want that the day of her shower or to see him and be reminded of all the hurtful things he's said to her lately. He's told her that she is going to be a terrible mother and what kind of mother won't give her baby a family and much more. I can understand her not wanting him there and the choice was hers to make.
His brother is never anything but nice and helpful to her and the rest of us. He doesn't live with us but you would think he does. The boys aren't a package deal. One is different from the other. I would never hold something against one for the other's actions. That wouldn't be right.
As far as the doctor choices go. Yes, pediatricians are child specialists. If one is in need of one then getting one is fine. Simple well care and such can be just as easily done by the family doctor who knows just as much about human care.
I and many other moms I know have had their dealings with pediatricians and are far more comfortable with the family doctor. For example, if my baby was sick, the pediatrician would make me wait unto the fever had been lingering for a prescribed period of time or if there was no fever and they were sick they wouldn't see them.
The family doctor would simply say, you're the mom and know when there's something not right. Bring them in. My girls do not run a fever with strep. If it were up to the ped, they never would have been seen. It's the litte things that I go directly to the family doctor for. Anything more serious and I would go to a specialist. Just my thoughts and experiences. She has her own choices to make and chose to do as I did.
Not once have I regretted going to the family doctor. She was very quick to refer out in any "just to be sure" situation.
It is sad you had a negative experience with a pediatrician but just because you did does not mean every pediatrician is bad. You simply need to find a better pediatrician.
Medicine is so specialized these days that care and study of the body is broken down to incredibly small areas. Same with age. There is no way one doctor can keep informed and up to date on everything happening in medicine.
I managed a medical office and 2 highly qualified general practitioners always took their kids to pediatricians and it is good they did cause one time my favorite doc was about to give treatment to her own kid when her husband simply took the kid to the pediatrician and found something entirely different. The proposed treatment would have made the situation worse.
She has also decided to give the baby our last name and not dad's. Thoughts on this, anyone?
Actually I'll dessent here. I think his surname should be part of her name. Still give your granddaughter your husband's surname though. The reason I say this is that your daughter has to be the bigger person here, which she is doing great at, but this one act smells spiteful and a little petty. I would tell her not to go there. When her daughter is older she will want a relationship with her father and can form her own opinion about him then. He might get his act together, then what will she tell her daughter?
Listen, he didn't flee the scene and he isn't disputing parentage. He's just immature and not fully ready, AT THIS MOMENT to be the kind of father she hoped he'd be. But she decided to get pregnant by him and to keep his child - lifelong decision! Your daughter has, arguably, a better support system and more maturity at present. However, as the mother, I place more responsibility on her to be able to care for the child she is having. It's not fair, but it's reality. She doesn't need to stoop to his level by playing "tit-for-tat."
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