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But even if he sees himself as a girl, he will be able to develop a masculine outer persona, and pass himself off as a man, with a good enough teacher (you). Plenty of the biggest, butchest, most hyper-masculine men around have little girls hiding deep inside them.
But again: if Robert sees you as an enemy and a persecutor, then he won't be learning a thing from you.
Gloria where on earth did you pick up that the kid sees himself as a girl? He's shy, he's sensitive and he skipped on a hike. nothing girly about these traits. Lots of men are shy, sensitive ( thank god for sensitive men) and in their youth may have even skipped.
Part of your post I understand and part really disturbs me. I understand the part about wanting him to not be afraid of everything, but am troubled about how you are raising your own Son.
Too many men feel it is unmanly for a man to cry or show emotions, and what you said about not helping your Son when he falls and telling him to walk it off is why so many men are like robots and feel they can't express themselves for fear they are perceived as being a sissy. "Men don't cry."
When my two Sons fell I held them in my arms and made sure they were ok. When a pet of theirs died we cried together. When they came home with some problem it became something we all shared in and talked about until they came up with a solution. I have known guys who have this macho thing that real men don't cry and are insensitive.........that must be a horrible way to go through life. Thank God, my two Sons grew up to be sensitive, caring human beings who have human emotions and are not afraid to show them to others, regardless of what they think of them.
As for your GF Son, back off a little and understand that he may just be that way forever. No two people are alike, and it would be a sad world if everyone were exactly the same. If anything, expose him to things that guys do, like fishing, working with tools, etc., but if you try to force him into a way of life that is totally foreign to him it will just add more confusion to his life.
But I do commend you for being concerned about him enough to want to help him.
No -- don't enroll him in a dance class just because he skipped on a hike. The skipping was a sign he was happy --- so keep taking him on hikes. That constant skipping would get on my nerves fast but I think it's one of those things that you have to try not to let bother you. Ignore the silly behavior but praise him when he acts right and keep on inviting him along and get him exposed more and more to male behaviors.
If he's had no male role model up until now, he's probably picked up feminine habits especially if his mother is very feminine, which I suspect she is if she thinks it's completely normal for a 7 year old boy to always skip around. Just make it seem funner to be a guy --- praise him up when he does something manly. Kids really do need both male and female role models.
I am a mom and I don't skip down the street, or while I'm hiking. I don't see other women do this, so I'm not sure what having only a female role model has to do with anything. I also think it is completely normal for a 7 year old of any gender to skip.
Well, you're not going to teach him by criticizing him. He will only throw up a higher wall than he's already erecting. He will only see you as another of his enemies.
Accept him for who he is, show him affection and acceptance, and spend PLEASANT time with him. He'll learn a lot from you, then. And "being a man" is all about learning. Some male characteristics are inherent (solving one's own problems, introspection, higher intelligence...), but most are learned, and specific to groups of men.
Manhood DOES have to be learned, and, unfortunately, does matter. By now, his Gender Identity will have already been formed (irrevocably). But even if he sees himself as a girl, he will be able to develop a masculine outer persona, and pass himself off as a man, with a good enough teacher (you). Plenty of the biggest, butchest, most hyper-masculine men around have little girls hiding deep inside them.
But again: if Robert sees you as an enemy and a persecutor, then he won't be learning a thing from you.
I have to question the intelligence and self-respect of any woman who thinks men are inherently more intelligent than women.
The last bold, WTF No one said this little boy sees himself as a girl. Those hyper-masculine men you speak of would probably be happier living as women, or as "out" gay men, or whatever. We should all want out kids to be happy as themselves, not try to fit them into neat little boxes that society says are acceptable and important.
OP I want you to do a big favor for all the little girls growing up alongside these boys. Let your girlfriend's son continue in his own unique direction without your interference. Your son, along with the vast majority of boys, will all grow up to be run of the mill men with all of the accompanying stereotypical male "issues". Your girlfriend's son will be special. His future wife will be so happy to find him amongst the endless crowd of boys who were raised to be emotionless macho-men.
You are probably terrorizing the poor kid with this "manning up" nonsense.
The fact that you would even think this is a legitimate process, would make most opine it is you who needs the enlightenment, not the 7 year old child.
As a mom who raised 2 boys by herself, I appreciate what I perceive to be your intentions.
Please don't lose site of the fact that boys' brains usually aren't even fully developed until around 7yrs old. He sounds like a fun-loving kid who might grow up to care about others. Love him and make him feel like you've got his back and he's safe. Hear the things he says and open up opportunities for him to do what he's interested in.
It's easy for me to pick up on the fact you're not proud of him and there are things about him you just don't like. Rest assured he's picking up on that, too.
I'd look into art classes or library time. What about scouts? That will enable you to be involved and get him around other boys who are doing guy things. Also, organized sports are great!
I am a mom and I don't skip down the street, or while I'm hiking. I don't see other women do this, so I'm not sure what having only a female role model has to do with anything. I also think it is completely normal for a 7 year old of any gender to skip.
I take my kids hiking and if my sons started skipping down the trail, I would find it annoying in short time. I'd find it annoying for anyone to be skipping -- but still I think that in this case, the boy was just happy and excited so it would be best to just do and say nothing. Focus on the positives but that doesn't mean you have to view everything as a positive.
For example one of my sons has an annoying way of ALWAYS tossing something into the air and catching it, over and over and over. He doesn't like to get involved in projects but will come out and sit and critique what I and his younger brother might be working on, and toss some object up into the air and catch it, over and over. Since I don't really know why he does that, I just try to ignore it. I'll hand him a tool or paintbrush but he prefers to watch not help. Maybe it's a nervous habit -- I really don't know but just saying nothing and doing nothing can be best.
If the OP makes the hikes long enough and strenuous enough, the kid won't be skipping after a while. Then the next time, when the OP sees him skipping, he could just point out that he's going to wear himself out faster. Since he's just 7, I think it's just the excitement and in time he'll stop -- but if he's 15 and still skipping along the trail, it might be time to enroll him in dance classes.
I suggest the same thing. Watch that movie. It is about a boy who likes to dance and his "macho" blue collar worker dad does not particularly care for that idea.
Note that movie is in the U.K. and the word "poof" there means gay. As I recall someone says something about a "poof" in that movie.
And then he became a principle dancer in the Royal Ballet and Dad got to see him. Great movie.
There are bold, fearless and rough matcho men, and then there are soft and gentle men, who are quiet spoken and shy until they get to know people. They are usually wonderful, kind people. I think that this is what your GF's son will probably grow up into.
You can no more turn him into a "man", than you can turn a fearless child into a shy, quiet whimp.
His shyness doesn't concern me at all. He'll open up when he has to, with who he has to. He'll get over the crying too in time. He's just a very sensitive lad, and don't make anything of it when he does. The skipping is also just a phase that will pass. Bite your tongue and look the other way when he does it.
Talk to him but don't force him to talk back. Include and encourage him to do things with the family (or with just you and your son) IF he is interested. If not, don't force the issue, just let him be his own person.
Be glad he's not a rotten-natured kid with a rotten attitude and disrespectful of everyone around him.
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No one said this little boy sees himself as a girl. Those hyper-masculine men you speak of would probably be happier living as women, or as "out" gay men, or whatever. We should all want out kids to be happy as themselves, not try to fit them into neat little boxes that society says are acceptable and important.
