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I agree that it's a problem but I don't see what a parent could do to prevent it from happening, except not funding it. You can tell your child you disapprove. You can refuse to fund their little adventure. You can even throw them out of your house if you feel like it. But how can you stop an adult from doing as they please?
My 19 year old loves and respects us. He went on a spring break trip last year. He stayed at his friend's house in Panama City and I am sure they partied a bit. We didn't pay for the trip. I suppose we could have refused to pay for school this year if we had wanted to prevent him from going, but that sounds extreme to me.
In the situation the OP has proposed cutting school funding isn't really an issue because the child wants to ditch college. So what do you propose a parent could to to FORCE their child to act the way they want to act?
I think that would completely depend on the parents' own financial situation. If someone is rolling in money, and handing it to an adult child so they can go live it up, party -- fine. Most people would have problems turning over big sums of cash so the adult-child can go have the girls-gone-wild spring break vacation or skip college to run off with her new sugar-daddy.
And no 8 year old *needs* a trip more expensive than most families could take in their entire lives.
If my kid has the money to get drunk partying in Mexico, he has the money to pay room and board, his own tuition, books, car payment and insurance. Obviously a fully independent adult wouldn't have to involve parents in any way.
Sorry, my fingers usually type faster then my brain processes stuff, so I often mangle what I mean to say . I mean more in regards to a trip with people their own age, compared to a trip with the rents.
LOL that's ok.
However, we didn't give him the option to go to Europe with OR without us. We are footing the bill, we control the terms! We just offered the trip and the two young men jumped at the opportunity of traveling thru Europe, even with "us old codgers."
Actually 18 year olds were allowed to drink everywhere we went anyway, and the other parents were aware of this. We had a few groundrules but the guys followed them pretty well. And we enjoyed several evenings sitting outside in biergartens drinking some German beers and hanging out with the guys. We know they went out later without us but they behaved responsibly, probably because we told them that we'd send either or. Oth of them straight home, and they knew we meant it!
We took our daughter on a cruise with grandmother to Europe for her High School Graduation trip...the trip of a lifetime because we sure can't afford to do it again!
The first two...they are 18. You can stop them if you want to get hard on 'em, but why? They'll learn a lot by going, even if only that they never want to do that again. Make sure they both have your permission to turn around and come home if they feel unsafe or unhappy...and promise to pay for their emergency return if nec. Just as if they were going out to a party and you've promised to pay for the taxi if they are too wasted to drive.
As for the younger kid -- my daughter studied abroad for a month this summer for college credit and it didn't cost $8,000! That's absurd. That's a semester of college at a state-school. Forget it.
I think that would completely depend on the parents' own financial situation. If someone is rolling in money, and handing it to an adult child so they can go live it up, party -- fine. Most people would have problems turning over big sums of cash so the adult-child can go have the girls-gone-wild spring break vacation or skip college to run off with her new sugar-daddy.
I don't think that in the scenario presented by the OP the parents financial situation has anything to do with it. The OP mentioned a child who had a lump sum payment from the death of a parent. What could a parent do to stop an 18 year old with money from using the money to take a trip?
I think we can all agree that it is not the best thing for the young person to do, but I don't think a parent could stop them.
Quote:
Originally Posted by malamute
And no 8 year old *needs* a trip more expensive than most families could take in their entire lives.
Nobody ever needs any trip. Nearly all vacation traveling is unnecessary. My son took classes for the last two summers and he travelled there/back on his own (he was 13/14). Neither trip cost $8,000. We felt the experience was worth the money for him. He didn't *need* to take those trips. Lots of people do lots of things that are not *needed*.
Quote:
Originally Posted by malamute
If my kid has the money to get drunk partying in Mexico, he has the money to pay room and board, his own tuition, books, car payment and insurance. Obviously a fully independent adult wouldn't have to involve parents in any way.
A spring break trip costs far less than room and board, his own tuition, books, car payment and insurance. I think it is entirely possible for a student to save for a spring break trip without the student being so loaded that they have money for all those other things. I don't think parents have to condone students taking drunken trips all over the world but I think that parents have limited ability to stop such trips. I would not be willing to pull school funding for a student who takes a spring break trip unless the student was not meeting their obligations as a student.
My own son was lucky. He has a friend whose parents have a house in Panama City, FL (on the beach). The kids were able to use the house over spring break. It only cost him around $150 in gas/tolls plus food/drink. He went away for about 4 days. I think it would be an extreme over reaction on my part to pull college funding over a trip that he paid for.
Letting a man you barely know take you on an all-expense-paid trip for three months doesn't sound cultured, it sounds like the sugar daddy lifestyle. If my daughter decided to sell herself for a free vacation, yeah, I would be extremely disappointed in her and myself.
What an uncharitable characterization. The boy isn't buying her affection; they've already been dating, if not for that long. He wants to go on a gap year trip, and he's inviting her along. Traveling with an agreeable friend or partner is much more fun than traveling alone, but not many kids can afford to finance the kind of trip he wants to take, and he has extra money. She's not a prostitute.
What an uncharitable characterization. The boy isn't buying her affection; they've already been dating, if not for that long. He wants to go on a gap year trip, and he's inviting her along. Traveling with an agreeable friend or partner is much more fun than traveling alone, but not many kids can afford to finance the kind of trip he wants to take, and he has extra money. She's not a prostitute.
A man nearly eight years her elder--whom she's known for a month--wants her to drop her school plans so he can spend tens of thousands of dollars to fly her around the world? Oh, I have very little doubt it's exactly what it sounds like. And if you think I'm being uncharitable, you should have heard what my 17-year-old had to say about it.
A man nearly eight years her elder--whom she's known for a month--wants her to drop her school plans so he can spend tens of thousands of dollars to fly her around the world? Oh, I have very little doubt it's exactly what it sounds like. And if you think I'm being uncharitable, you should have heard what my 17-year-old had to say about it.
I agree with your assessment. If it were my child I would not be happy about it. My question is what could you do about it?
What an uncharitable characterization. The boy isn't buying her affection; they've already been dating, if not for that long. He wants to go on a gap year trip, and he's inviting her along. Traveling with an agreeable friend or partner is much more fun than traveling alone, but not many kids can afford to finance the kind of trip he wants to take, and he has extra money. She's not a prostitute.
It doesn't sound like a gap year for the guy. HE should be done with college by age 26. If not, he should be spending the money he inherited to finish.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Momma_bear
I agree with your assessment. If it were my child I would not be happy about it. My question is what could you do about it?
I wouldn't be happy with it either. I think I'd tell my daughter that.
As another poster pointed out, this is not a good time for a single very young American woman accompanied by a (recent) boyfriend to be visiting Egypt, as there is a great deal of political instability and danger of violence there at present. Even if Egypt were stable and safe at present, I'd have considerable reservations about these plans (and also for my daughter's common sense and judgment) , for the same reasons others have stated, were she my newly adult child.
As for the 18 year old young man wanting to head to Mexico for partying, I'm not too thrilled with these plans, either. Legally, he's an adult - but what a waste of time to travel so far only to spend it in drunken partying. Now, if he wanted to see the sights, scuba dive, learn Spanish, sample local culture, go with a church or other service group to provide some kind of humanitarian assistance - that would be very different.
Some parts of Mexico are not safe right now, either - I gather Cancun is okay.
The cost of the travel scenario for the eighth grader sounds preposterous. Surely, $8,000 could be better spent on a major family tour of Europe or some other part of the world, while US travel (again, with family or a school group or good family friends, including friends' parents) could be achieved at considerably less cost.
Who says eighteen year olds don't care for travel with family?? While I am sure some don't, it's likely that most others have no objection, and might enjoy family travel. I traveled with family on many occasions as a young adult, and had no problem with the concept. I also traveled with friends at times, and enjoyed that, too.
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. I mean more in regards to a trip with people their own age, compared to a trip with the rents.
