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Old 09-15-2013, 04:28 PM
 
6 posts, read 5,157 times
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I am raising my older sister's child, she is mentally extremly unstable and also has/had a drug problem. Mother and child see each other regularly.
Her son has been living with me since he was born, I do not have any children of my own.
He is a very bright and healthy boy, needless to say I love him as a son.

So a few days ago he said to me: "I am sorry for being so ugly."
He was seriously heartbroken, and inconsolable.
There was absolutely nothing I could say to comfort him.
This is bothering me because it is not the first time he said something like that.
He loves being around other kids, and has many friends, and he usually isn't shy at all.
So I am wondering where this is coming from.
I do feel he is very insecure at the moment, but I was hoping this would just be a phase.
My mother tells me that my sister (his mother) would say things like that (when she was his age)
as well, crying about being ugly, not good enough, having an overwhelming feeling of guilt,
lacking self-esteem, just like him.
I am worried isn't he way too young for that?!
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Old 09-15-2013, 04:37 PM
 
1,373 posts, read 2,672,131 times
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I know people here will try to console you & say he is a child yadda yadda but IMO a lot of someone's personality is already set or at least develops at around age 5. Adult serial killers start killing cats at age 5, bank robbers start shoplifting at age 5.

This could be a part of who he is if you don't nip it in the bud. You need to make an apointment with a child psychologist tomorrow at the crack of dawn.

Yes he has low esteem & he needs therapy ASAP.
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Old 09-15-2013, 05:08 PM
 
16,877 posts, read 19,605,739 times
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Therapy is useful, but you can also start with some things *you* can do.

Be careful what you say. Praise effort not just accomplishment and be careful not to overpraise.

Be truthful.

Be a positive role model.

Correct and redirect irrational beliefs about attractiveness or about ability.

Be affectionate.

Give accurate feedback about his choices.

Create a safe, loving home environment.

Help him to be involved in activities that encourage cooperation rather than competition.
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Old 09-15-2013, 05:19 PM
 
6,125 posts, read 5,927,704 times
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My son is just like this. He doesn't think he's ugly, but he thinks negatively about himself and his experiences in almost every other way you can think of. Just like yours, he's not shy, has plenty of friends, bright, healthy, etc. He's 7, soon to be 8 in a few months.

After spending a couple of years hoping he'd grow out of it, we are finally biting the bullet and meeting with a therapist.

I would recommend you don't wait as long as we did. Go by yourself at first, see if the therapist can suggest things to try at home. If he doesn't need a professional you will know soon. If he does, you can get him started faster.

Good luck!

Last edited by Tinawina; 09-15-2013 at 05:47 PM..
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Old 09-15-2013, 05:34 PM
 
6 posts, read 5,157 times
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Thank you!
I was wondering about more things that I could do,
with both his parents having been in and out of mental institutions, rehab and therapy themselves,
he is actually already doing occupational tharapy for a start.
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Old 09-15-2013, 09:45 PM
 
16,877 posts, read 19,605,739 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by weetobe3 View Post
Thank you!
I was wondering about more things that I could do,
with both his parents having been in and out of mental institutions, rehab and therapy themselves,
he is actually already doing occupational tharapy for a start.
Does he have a diagnosis or is the OT only to help with fine motor skills. If he has sensory processing disorder, I can point you to some wonderful resources for things you can do at home. First would involve reading The Out-of-Sync Child and The Out-of-Sync Child Has Fun by Carol Stock Kranowitz (these should be available at the library or you can get them on amazon).
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Old 09-15-2013, 11:17 PM
 
Location: NE USA
315 posts, read 512,734 times
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I am wondering if another child may have said something to him or he took something someone said out of context? I remember kids being pretty kind at that age though, honestly. I wouldn't be surprised in the least nowadays if bullying started that early
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Old 09-16-2013, 11:35 AM
 
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Thank you for being there and caring for this kid.
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Old 09-16-2013, 02:58 PM
 
Location: Chapel Hill, N.C.
36,503 posts, read 47,595,929 times
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Could his mother be saying those things?

Are you and your family bad mouthing his parents in front of him or at least where he can overhear you?

Poor kid. I don't think that is too healthy or even common. he must be hearing this from somebody. and whoever is saying these things, they need to be kept away from this boy.
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Old 09-17-2013, 03:29 PM
 
6 posts, read 5,157 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nana053 View Post
Does he have a diagnosis or is the OT only to help with fine motor skills. If he has sensory processing disorder, I can point you to some wonderful resources for things you can do at home. First would involve reading The Out-of-Sync Child and The Out-of-Sync Child Has Fun by Carol Stock Kranowitz (these should be available at the library or you can get them on amazon).

Thank you for the book tips I will definitely check out some literature for this.
Actually, it's just helping him with fine motor skills, he'll be starting school next year, and it's really helping. The therapist told me, that his self-confidence will improve as well with OT, and
at the momement he will benefit more from it than psychotherapy.

As for the bullying, I don't think it applies to him, he has a lot of friends,
and is very well accepted, even though he is the only one not living with his parents.
It's a very "well protected" kindergarten, (all families have more than one child),
and I've known the teachers personally, so I would know if he was bullied, I am sure.

Naturally I never speak ill of his mother or father, he loves them and I wouldn't have it any other way! But he can't help noticing, that they are very different from the people he is used to being around, and that's unsettling to him.
When my sister took him to stay with her for three days (it was the first time he was alone with her -over night) I'm afraid he is now starting to see why he is not living with her and why she isn't able to take care of him.
Well I hope I am gonna get to the bottom of this! Thank you for any unput!
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