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Kids should share some things but not all their things. It's a two-way street, just like you have to recognize property rights of others, kids need to learn that they cannot just expect someone else to always share all the time.
You don't expect your neighbors to share their garage with you, or all their lawn mowers and tools. Nor do you expect you should share everything you own with everyone who comes along.
At the same time, sharing toys means playing with another kid and most kids want to have friends and playmates.
Really? Wow. Our kids had a few things their friends didn't have. They were taught (not forced) to share them when the friends came over. It might be the only opportunity for that friend to play with a particular toy. Yep. They were actually taught to share the happiness.
You know what our kids turned into? The guys who buy a few extra cans of peaches to put into the food bank box at the store. They also like to offer a jump if they see a mom standing next to a car with a dead battery.
Dang hippies.
Quote:
Originally Posted by somebodynew
The school counselor made a comment about my daughter last week. That she was kind, empathetic and giving. Love it.
Honestly, I don't get what the author was attempting to do other than to justify training her child to be stingy, greedy, and inconsiderate.
The worst trait I've seen in adults is greed; which arguably is preceded by a childhood that was either lacking in many material things, or, one where possessions and self-gratification were constantly placed above other's feelings or needs. SMH.
Honestly, I don't get what the author was attempting to do other than to justify training her child to be stingy, greedy, and inconsiderate.
The worst trait I've seen in adults is greed; which arguably is preceded by a childhood that was either lacking in many material things, or, one where possessions and self-gratification were constantly placed above other's feelings or needs. SMH.
I am not convinced that the lack of material things is the issue but if the adults around them make an issue of the lack. Growing up we lived in a big house (really big family) in a nice neighborhood (near the school they wanted). We did not have any of the extras the other kids had. We had to go to the other kids' houses to play Atari (dating myself) and the like. I had one nice outfit for back to school day. Otherwise I earned my own money for clothes and other semi-essentials since I was about 11. All of my brothers and sisters save one wound up with a complete disregard for stuff and money.
I think the social pendulum has swung to parents trying really hard to protect, please and make their kids happy vs teaching, expecting, and molding them into people of character. Our social rudder needs a slight adjustment.
This bolded part is a whole different scenario from a parent who has decided that the toys need to be "policed" and is informing someone else's child that his time is up and its her kids turn. Several posters commented that they would do just that, inform the child "hogging" the toy that their time was up.
You have proposed asking another child to share, the other posters are not proposing asking, they are stating they would mandate. They went on to use terms such as "spoiled brats" toy "hogs" and also stated the parents were lazy and not doing their jobs.
I think you are lumping a whole lot of people into one misunderstood basket. Asking is exactly what is being proposed by the majority. That does not preclude the fact that the other parents are raising self entitled brats. But kids need to learn to negotiate a world full of brats with politeness and grace.
In the situation presented by the author:
If my child was asked if he would let another child play with something, that leaves it up to my child to decide. I would hope that if my child said no, then the parent would respect that and find something else to do with their own kid.
In the article the Mom stated her kid basically ignored the other Mom telling him he needed to let her kid have a turn. If another parent tells my child what to do, that is inappropriate in my opinion.
Really? And THAT is not the height of entitlement? Rather than encourage your child to be considerate to other people around him and her, it is more important to you that they get what they want? I guess that speaks directly to what many of us DON'T want from our kids.
Really? And THAT is not the height of entitlement? Rather than encourage your child to be considerate to other people around him and her, it is more important to you that they get what they want? I guess that speaks directly to what many of us DON'T want from our kids.
Yes, really. No, I don't believe it has anything to do with entitlement. In the scenario presented (lets remember to stay on topic) all the arguments come down to whose want is more important, the child with the car or the child who wants the car. Its pretty simple, the authors child had the car first and I see nothing wrong whatsoever with him playing with it until he is done. IMO its not selfish or entitled, he had it first, there were no rules of regulation and life is not always equal and fair. I believe it is very important that all children learn they cannot have what they want every time they want it the exact minute they want it. The child featured attends a preschool with a very well defined toy/play policy. He spends a great deal of time in an environment where he is encouraged via lack of forced interference to enjoy a toy until he is done. I find it interesting that there has been no real issue with the school environment but when he then exhibits the same behavior in a different scenario he is a "entitled" "selfish brat" who "hogs" toys.
Yes, really. No, I don't believe it has anything to do with entitlement. In the scenario presented (lets remember to stay on topic) all the arguments come down to whose want is more important,
Actually that is very much NOT the point. The point to to teach kids how to be considerate and how to deal with people who aren't.
As a preschool teacher of 3 year olds we do enforce taking turns. We tell the children in the beginning these are classroom toys for everyone. Often you may have the situation where a child has a toy no one else wants to play with so of course they can play as long as they want with that toy. When there is a conflict the child with toy is told Johnny wants to play with that too so in 5, 10 minutes whatever is appropriate to our schedule I'm going to say time for Johnny's turn and I need you to give him the toy. I'll even say look at the clock when it gets to the 3 it will be time, they can't really tell time but it's just a visual reminder. Works like a charm often they give the child the toy before time is over. Just yesterday we had a little boy give his toy up in 2 minutes he just walked over handed it to the child, of course we praised his behavior. Most children do like to please and like the good feeling that comes with giving to others. I think it's more the parents being over zealous about protecting their child's "rights" most kids are easily distracted at that age and can love more than just the one red car. It's all in how you as the parent/teacher react to the situation.
I think it's more the parents being over zealous about protecting their child's "rights" most kids are easily distracted at that age and can love more than just the one red car. It's all in how you as the parent/teacher react to the situation.
Yes. The other thing to think about is how this looks to the kid who consistently applies the lessons that they have learned about consideration. I remember the first time my 4 year old said to me, Mom I thought we were supposed to take turns. Why won't he take turns? Why does he get to play with that the whole time? We had a nice conversation about what different people learn and expect. Ultimately he did not choose to ask the kid for a turn. (Dodged that bullet because Mom was adamant about shooing away anyone who approached.) But it can be hard, though necessary, to teach little ones that things aren't fair and some people don't learn to be or care to be considerate. That does not mean that it is not right for HIM or HER to be considerate for their own sake.
Actually that is very much NOT the point. The point to to teach kids how to be considerate and how to deal with people who aren't.
Exactly. I think the most important thing I can teach my child is to be kind and considerate and I think we'd be living in a much nicer world if all parents thought that way.
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