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Old 09-17-2013, 10:18 AM
 
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How would you discipline a 3.5 year old who pushes down his baby brother (10 months) whenever his brother touches the toy he is playing with? Today he did it and pushed him right back and the baby hit his head on the floor. I told him no in a firm voice and sent him to his room. He screamed for about 3 minutes and is now sitting on his bed with a book.

Advice?
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Old 09-17-2013, 10:58 AM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
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Quote:
Originally Posted by aliss2 View Post
How would you discipline a 3.5 year old who pushes down his baby brother (10 months) whenever his brother touches the toy he is playing with? Today he did it and pushed him right back and the baby hit his head on the floor. I told him no in a firm voice and sent him to his room. He screamed for about 3 minutes and is now sitting on his bed with a book.

Advice?
3.5 is well old enough to understand we don't hurt other people. But you don't want to make things worse by completely shaming your son and giving him the impression the baby is more "important" to you than he is.

What worked best for me was a firm "NO, we don't push people!", followed by a short conversation with the child where you reinforce that you love him but will not allow him to do things that hurt others.

After the moment of tension has passed, try this approach.... Tell him you need his help to look out for his younger brother. Explain that the baby is not as big and strong as he is, and doesn't know nearly as much as he does (build your older son up in other words). Ask him if he could help you teach the baby how to be a big boy by acting like a big boy himself. Then say, "and remember, big boys don't push or hurt littler people".

Basically, if you can enlist his cooperation he can feel like a success in the situation instead of a failure. This builds his self-esteem while helping him to learn better self-discipline.

Best of luck!
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Old 09-17-2013, 11:00 AM
 
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Thank you very much He ended up passing out on his bed after 5 minutes, right now we are transitioning to no nap, so I'm sure being tired had something to do with this (he is always a monster around noon and then calms down later). I will try those methods next time, thank you
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Old 09-17-2013, 11:07 AM
 
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My granddaughter is 4 and her baby brother is going to be 2 in November. Sometimes she resorts to pushing him because he is trying to get her toy away from her, even if he has his own toy.

Her mom lets him do whatever he wants, and then coddles him when he cries, so in my eyes, it supports his being "right" for wanting all the toys for himself, and makes my granddaughter feel like she can't even have her own toys when baby brother is around (which is all the time).

I don't see how they interact when I'm not there of course, this is what I have observed when they are at my house or when I am at their house.

This is fodder for a new thread. I will work on that now
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Old 09-17-2013, 12:02 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
49,932 posts, read 59,566,018 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lovesMountains View Post
3.5 is well old enough to understand we don't hurt other people. But you don't want to make things worse by completely shaming your son and giving him the impression the baby is more "important" to you than he is.

What worked best for me was a firm "NO, we don't push people!", followed by a short conversation with the child where you reinforce that you love him but will not allow him to do things that hurt others.

After the moment of tension has passed, try this approach.... Tell him you need his help to look out for his younger brother. Explain that the baby is not as big and strong as he is, and doesn't know nearly as much as he does (build your older son up in other words). Ask him if he could help you teach the baby how to be a big boy by acting like a big boy himself. Then say, "and remember, big boys don't push or hurt littler people".

Basically, if you can enlist his cooperation he can feel like a success in the situation instead of a failure. This builds his self-esteem while helping him to learn better self-discipline.

Best of luck!
This is what we did, and it worked GREAT with my twins, especially when their baby brother arrived.

Help him to view the baby as someone he can teach and care for as opposed to an enemy.
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Old 09-17-2013, 12:10 PM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Wmsn4Life View Post
This is what we did, and it worked GREAT with my twins, especially when their baby brother arrived.

Help him to view the baby as someone he can teach and care for as opposed to an enemy.
Thanks for the backup

When parents are able to encourage cooperation rather than competition between siblings the whole family benefits and sibling rivalry never rears its ugly head.
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Old 09-17-2013, 02:57 PM
 
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One thing to remember is that attention, both negative and positive, tends to reinforce what has been done. Any attention you give to his behavior in the moment may just encourage him to do it again.

So, instead of reacting to what he did, try something he won't expect. React to the younger child who was pushed and not him. Be a little dramatic and swoop the baby up, ask him if he is okay all while ignoring the older one. Reach down and take the toy and say "you caused trouble so you are going in time out" and put the toy up on the fridge. Without looking at the older one, tell him to go get an ice pack/washcloth/bandaid and make him apply it to the younger child. Tell the younger child that you are so sorry he was treated so rudely and got hurt.

The older one will feel the rejection of his actions, perhaps even feel a bit remorseful and do anything he can to get back in your good graces. They almost always want to please mom. He'll work harder to do so now and you didn't have to address him about it really at all.
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Old 09-17-2013, 03:14 PM
 
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^^^^ This is really good advice.
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Old 09-17-2013, 05:19 PM
 
Location: Eastern Iowa
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Say "Don't do that again" in a firm voice.
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Old 09-17-2013, 06:24 PM
 
1,263 posts, read 3,268,589 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by hypocore View Post
One thing to remember is that attention, both negative and positive, tends to reinforce what has been done. Any attention you give to his behavior in the moment may just encourage him to do it again.

So, instead of reacting to what he did, try something he won't expect. React to the younger child who was pushed and not him. Be a little dramatic and swoop the baby up, ask him if he is okay all while ignoring the older one. Reach down and take the toy and say "you caused trouble so you are going in time out" and put the toy up on the fridge. Without looking at the older one, tell him to go get an ice pack/washcloth/bandaid and make him apply it to the younger child. Tell the younger child that you are so sorry he was treated so rudely and got hurt.

The older one will feel the rejection of his actions, perhaps even feel a bit remorseful and do anything he can to get back in your good graces. They almost always want to please mom. He'll work harder to do so now and you didn't have to address him about it really at all.
WOW, you're good!
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