Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
i have a 12 yr old daughter who we recently have allowed to join Instagram. It has only been since school began this year & we are already kind of regretting it.
This seems to be one large forum for bragging, making others feel left out or just obnoxiousness. I also see that she ( & her friends) are completely concerned about the # of likes they receive or the comments...
My question is; do you follow your child on their social media accts ? ( she only has this one but I know others have multiple different things they use..) i was having a conversation the other day w/ another mom who said she follows her daughter on all her accounts & she has also set up her daughter's texts to go to both of them, so she always sees her daughters texts- incoming ' & those she sends.
How much is too much? Is that being too intrusive?
I only scroll thru my daughters' feed once in awhile but I don't follow her & do not read her texts unless she shows them to me....
All of this social media creates more worries but I also want my daughter to be given the privacy w/ her friends' and not make her feel as though we are watching & reading all she does...
I am not a fan personally of having total access to my kids social media accounts. I think it is part of the world they live in and they need to learn to navigate. This does not mean we don't talk talk and talk some more about the pros and cons, the things to be aware of and what is appropriate and inappropriate.
I also listen a lot, my ears are always open. I listen when their friends are around, I pay attention to moods, body language etc. I ask questions and voice concern if that is what I am picking up on.
I think paying attention to my teen/tween is a better method of keeping up with my teen/tween. Texts, comments, status updates etc can very easily be misinterpreted by a nosey parent, I prefer to get my information direct from my kid.
At 12, absolutely its ok (more then ok) to have total access to all their online activities and texts. 12-14 I don't think kids, especially girls, should be trusted alone with form of electronic communication. Main issues being bulling/being bullied and sexual abuse. Its such a new, huge exciting big world. But it is important, I think, not to harp on the little things...like minor swearing or bragging. But be on the look out for inappropriate behavior. Stay calm, talk, use what you see as a jumping off point for open conversation.
I would say (all depending on the child's maturity level and the 2 years prior) 14-16 access "as needed"...if you feel something is amiss. Still, you should still be a "friend" on any social media and not allow them to limit your access. This stuff stays around forever, you have to act as their frontal lobe for a while.
At 17ish we stopped having access to any private communications, but were still "friends" on their social media accounts. And still are and they are adults. I think part of this was we practiced a lot of natural consequences with the teens and as they aged, didn't harp too much on them. I have seen more pics of my oldest with a red cup in his hand while he is at college, and we talked about it being "out there" for employers, etc. And of course the dangers of drinking. But we have saved our credibility if we see something major, and we haven't.
I also think its important to limit how much time they have access to social media, all through the time they are under age. Our rules were none before 5am, none during school hours, none after 10pm. No phones at the table, church, while talking with people, etc.
Really though, we rarely needed to access these things except for with our foster daughter who was prone to questionable behaviors.
Its funny, about a half an hour ago my 9 year old son asked when he was old enough to have a facebook account. I doubt facebook will be around when he is old enough, I told him 13 (per the facebook rules). And last night my young adults talked me into downloading snap chat so they could see the little ones more. Its too much fun, but no one else in my life uses it...we are the old moms on facebook now I guess.
i have a 12 yr old daughter who we recently have allowed to join Instagram. It has only been since school began this year & we are already kind of regretting it.
This seems to be one large forum for bragging, making others feel left out or just obnoxiousness. I also see that she ( & her friends) are completely concerned about the # of likes they receive or the comments...
My question is; do you follow your child on their social media accts ? ( she only has this one but I know others have multiple different things they use..) i was having a conversation the other day w/ another mom who said she follows her daughter on all her accounts & she has also set up her daughter's texts to go to both of them, so she always sees her daughters texts- incoming ' & those she sends.
How much is too much? Is that being too intrusive?
I only scroll thru my daughters' feed once in awhile but I don't follow her & do not read her texts unless she shows them to me....
All of this social media creates more worries but I also want my daughter to be given the privacy w/ her friends' and not make her feel as though we are watching & reading all she does...
Thoughts?
None of that is too uncommon about tweens and young teens...but I would be more concerned about the cliquishness social bulling of her friends in general then the means they use to express it. You could take away all social media and that sort of behavior would still exist and needs to be addressed.
That being said....I certainly never had my daughter's phone cloned to mine...but I did reserve the right to review it whenever I wanted and had to know all passwords (that I only used once). We had limited issues over the years....I think the most that ever needed to be said was a comment or two about if something was really appropriate or not...and if I really didn't like something a friends of hers had posted. (She tended to agree with me about some of the friends....lol!)
Standards of behavior should be set long before social media is brought into the picture....being on instagram or facebook should just be the continuation of that....and the standards for that should be no different than anything else. If one has to just relay on extreme snooping and 'net nanny' sort of things...than they are behind the curve. Teach proper behavior before it becomes a problem.
If one has to just relay on extreme snooping and 'net nanny' sort of things...than they are behind the curve. Teach proper behavior before it becomes a problem.
I have to disagree. I was conflicted but talked to my therapist (who has tweens and teens) and she feels very strongly about this. I remember when I was 19 and first got into chat rooms, email, etc. I was well behaved but, man, was the whole new world exciting. I was dumb enough to give out too much info to a nice guy and got myself a stalker. Teens frontal lobes aren't fully developed...we really need to be part of their decision making for a good long while.
At 12, absolutely its ok (more then ok) to have total access to all their online activities and texts. 12-14 I don't think kids, especially girls, should be trusted alone with form of electronic communication. Main issues being bulling/being bullied and sexual abuse. Its such a new, huge exciting big world. But it is important, I think, not to harp on the little things...like minor swearing or bragging. But be on the look out for inappropriate behavior. Stay calm, talk, use what you see as a jumping off point for open conversation.
Its funny, about a half an hour ago my 9 year old son asked when he was old enough to have a facebook account. I doubt facebook will be around when he is old enough, I told him 13 (per the facebook rules). And last night my young adults talked me into downloading snap chat so they could see the little ones more. Its too much fun, but no one else in my life uses it...we are the old moms on facebook now I guess.
Kids have left Facebook in droves as their parents took over
Re the bolded: I don't think that girls are any different than the boys when it comes to social media and I don't think that girls somehow garner less trust than the boys.
The thing is, social media is new to US but not to our kids. Our kids have grown up with it. Its not a new exciting world to them but it is to us. Therefore I think they way to deal with it is, parents need to educate themselves and then communicate, communicate and communicate some more.
We also need to understand that what our kids see and do is completely different from what we saw and did and we have to expand our thoughts of appropriate while still reminding our kids to be aware of what they say, what they do and what they "put out there" on the net.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ScarletG
None of that is too uncommon about tweens and young teens...but I would be more concerned about the cliquishness social bulling of her friends in general then the means they use to express it. You could take away all social media and that sort of behavior would still exist and needs to be addressed.
That being said....I certainly never had my daughter's phone cloned to mine...but I did reserve the right to review it whenever I wanted and had to know all passwords (that I only used once). We had limited issues over the years....I think the most that ever needed to be said was a comment or two about if something was really appropriate or not...and if I really didn't like something a friends of hers had posted. (She tended to agree with me about some of the friends....lol!)
Standards of behavior should be set long before social media is brought into the picture....being on instagram or facebook should just be the continuation of that....and the standards for that should be no different than anything else. If one has to just relay on extreme snooping and 'net nanny' sort of things...than they are behind the curve. Teach proper behavior before it becomes a problem.
Kids have left Facebook in droves as their parents took over
Re the bolded: I don't think that girls are any different than the boys when it comes to social media and I don't think that girls somehow garner less trust than the boys.
The thing is, social media is new to US but not to our kids. Our kids have grown up with it. Its not a new exciting world to them but it is to us. Therefore I think they way to deal with it is, parents need to educate themselves and then communicate, communicate and communicate some more.
We also need to understand that what our kids see and do is completely different from what we saw and did and we have to expand our thoughts of appropriate while still reminding our kids to be aware of what they say, what they do and what they "put out there" on the net.
That could be my own bias. Having raised a couple, fostered and having little ones...man the girls
But I also see there is much more "mean girl" stuff in that 11-13 age range. It can get ugly. Even male peers pressuring girls to take and send selfies that aren't...appropriate. That can ruin a kids world.
If they are new to social media, its still new to them. Kids don't have the brain development to be trusted to make a lot of decisions, no matter how well we raised them. And that tween age is really hairy, as they become obsessed with friends (especially girls in my experience) and fitting in.
I will add, besides monitoring social media, I can't think of a time I read text messages, but I did keep track of who they were texting and calling and how often. It proved to be very helpful, especially with one specific kid. I also kept an eye on their bank accounts.
Now, they know I did, but it isn't like I rubbed it in. If there was an issue (say one was taking out $40 every 3 days...and I was pretty sure I knew what he was spending it on, it was a bit "much") I didn't go "omg you are in so much trouble...blah blah blah your account". I just sat down and talked to him about his current life style. And he made changes. I did once make a foster take down a post, I sat and watched her delete it but it was a rant against a teacher using a racial slur. NOT OK! While I was at it, I made her go through and delete reviling pics. She wasn't happy, but in general, I didn't strong arm them. Then I was just so mad!
I have to disagree. I was conflicted but talked to my therapist (who has tweens and teens) and she feels very strongly about this. I remember when I was 19 and first got into chat rooms, email, etc. I was well behaved but, man, was the whole new world exciting. I was dumb enough to give out too much info to a nice guy and got myself a stalker. Teens frontal lobes aren't fully developed...we really need to be part of their decision making for a good long while.
Why not teach the kids how to behave online first rather than wait to catch them after the fact? I said nothing about not being part of helping kids make sound choices....but I don't agree that parents should expect technology to do it for them.
If you have to use a net nanny because you don't know what is going on...than yes, you are behind the curve in teaching your tween/teen proper online behavior.
Why not teach the kids how to behave online first rather than wait to catch them after the fact? I said nothing about not being part of helping kids make sound choices....but I don't agree that parents should expect technology to do it for them.
If you have to use a net nanny because you don't know what is going on...than yes, you are behind the curve in teaching your tween/teen proper online behavior.
You do teach them, and continue to as you monitor their behaviors. Teaching isn't a one time lesson, its an ongoing process.
You really think boys wont look up porn if they have any chance to do it? Thats a head in the sand if I ever saw it. You can teach them about what porn does to their brain, that it exploits previously victimized women. And they just think "booooooobies". Their friends all do it, why can't they, they think.
Or that girls wont get in online arguments with their friends or frienemeys when things get heated?
Or a boy can't get a girl to do something she isn't comfortable with because she has a massive crush on him?
Do you remember the deep emotions of those 12-17 year old years? I do!
Meh it is not an problem at all. Little jobs or JOBS OFf THE BOOKS are the best kinds of Jobs. Otherwise it would be like USSR where they would rob you blind in taxes. A stripper/dancer is one kind of "Part time job" and a woman went to court over the wad of money she had stoyed away. She was allowed to keep her money becuase her explaintion was logical. So part time is okay.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I do!
