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Right now you think coddling him and micromanaging his experiences is doing him good. I guarantee that you will regret it someday in the future. Your son already has panic attacks at a young age. His anxiety problems are only going to get worse if you allow him to avoid things that cause him anxiety or make him unhappy.
I'm speaking from experience in this regard, although my son didn't have his first panic attacks until 9th grade. All of the reasons your son doesn't want to go are the very reasons he should go. I wish there was a way I could get that through to you. You are reinforcing his anxiety when you side with him and let him get out of doing things that he doesn't like or thinks is scary.
It does take all kinds to make this world work. But they need to be functioning and productive kinds. It's our responsibility as parents to raise confident and independent adults. Your allowing him to avoid a camping weekend because he doesn't like the food isn't instilling independence. You think you are instilling independence via a unique individual who walks to the tune of a different drummer, but you are failing to see that your son isn't functioning on a basic levels.
I could write a book about all the things I did wrong as a parent in the name of protecting and helping. I WOULD write a book, except my child would be horrified and wouldn't grant permission for it to be published. Just please listen to the advice in this thread. If half the advice given here was available to me many years ago, I might have done a better job at preparing my child for the world.
You're the happyhitchhiker. You're the hippie mom who wants to embrace uniqueness and individualness and be all about feelings. Yeah, I was that mom too. Guess what? It doesn't work if you're not building emotional strength and challenging your son to take on uncomfortable situations.
I hope you take the advice in this thread. If not, I fear you're going to look back one day and say, "Damn, Hopes was right." I fear that because it will mean your entire world came crumbling down---possibly beyond repair.
You need to find better lessons. My autistic grandson is learning and what got him over the hump on water in the face was wearing goggles. Now he goes underwater all the time at the pool.
Great suggestion. My younger boy needed goggles to earn his Aquanaut badge at summer camp!
I don't know where people get the idea that he doesn't play sports (when required) or that he hasn't been taught sports. They are not his thing. We have been through seasons of t-ball, soccer, basketball, track, dance, and gymnastics. I have him try and participate in as many things as we can so he can find what is "him". He found he loves chess, computers, science, and nature more than any sport. It takes all kinds to make this world work.
Of course it takes all kinds but we are talking about SCOUTING. Scouting specifically is about outdoors activities and the summation of applying those outdoor activities is camping. Taking all kinds as an idea implies going along with others as well.
And I am just going to say what should be said here because other people are putting too nice a face on it. If your child WON'T camp with a smile on his face than scouts is not for him.
My son was a cub scout for 3 years in a school based pack. They played games after school and had fun. We worked together out of the books and he earned his ranks for Bobcat, Tiger, Wolf, and Bear as well as almost all the belt loops, pins, and other patches he could. He worked at his own pace each year (in proper order of course) and loved it. We moved this summer and they offer regular packs that do not meet at the school. He wanted to join and earn his Webelo and move on to boy scouts in 18 months. There are a lot of activities and he has already started completing some (3 are required anyways for the Webelo rank). But this pack is different then his last one.
The group has been together for years. There are 4 new boys (my son included) this year. The first meeting they handed out patches for their get togethers and parade over the summer. The kids divide themselves up by old and new. Then you have the football team versus the baseball players. The parents do the same thing. One group of moms sit at the table, three non-sports dads sit on one wall, and the 2 sport dads hang at the stairwell. No one even speaks to anyone else unless you are in that group. I find it very interesting and hysterical. Well, my son is more academic then sporty. He hates playing most sports.
This weekend the den (basically 10 families with more than one boy in scouts) is having the fall family camp out. They are holding it outside of town where we can't go because of not having a car. They are doing a skit, swimming, camping, monkey ropes, and having a bobcat ceremony. Well, my son won't eat what they are serving, we don't have transportation, he hates confidence courses, and he can't swim. So we decided to have our own scouting weekend at home.
His leader said that they earn all the badges as a group and if he goes at his own pace then he will be bored in the meetings. Why can't he go at his own pace? Organizations offer the chance to get a badge at their facility and his leader announced this was at the same time as the camp out if you didn't have it already. If all these boys just became webelos (this is a webelos 1 group) then why would they already have it.
Is this how normal packs work or is it just too close knit to really let anyone new in? Scouting is for all kinds of boys with different interests. She basically told me to back off and go at the dens pace and agenda.
Help! My son loves being a scout but we have few options here.
My husband has been a scout leader for over 8 years. He has seen all sorts of problems arise. First of all, this is NOT how scouting works. Any boy that has earned a webelos pin before graduating from Bears, does not deserve the pin. You must have already reached the rank of Bear, and graduated third grade before you are allowed to work on Webelo's pins. This sounds like a group of parents that are interested in pushing their son's along to earn everything possible, without concern for whether the boy actually earned it.
In this case, you should go to the District Executive and explain the scenario. If he/she won't fix it, then he/she doesn't deserve the position. Unfortunately, you don't have a car. So I don't know if that would preclude you from seeking out a different pack.
If I were in your position, I would go to a different pack. We have boys that travel to different schools than their own to belong to a pack. There is no rule that says that you must belong to your local pack.
Travel is the difficult part (and the fact that once I say we are nondenominational then the other packs stop responding to my questions) and is proving more and more difficult. We just got word about Scouting for Food and Webelos Woods that are in the next 2 weeks. They do scouting for food a little different out here than what I am used to. They assign boys several blocks to hang flyers on the door then next week they are supposed to go door to door and collect food in their assigned areas. I suppose he could pull a red wagon but come on. Where we used to live they did it as a group. A truck or car with 4-5 scouts would collect together in a set area, not just parent and scout. How is that working as a group to get things done? Webelos Woods is great (and my son loves scout camp) but it is 22 miles from where we live. I suppose we could hike there but he would not want to do that. When his old pack went to camp, they would all meet at a central point in town and take a school bus there that they rented. Transportation was never an issue. What I don't get about the Webelos Woods is that parents come. I never went to his camp. They had 900 boys attend last year since it is district wide camping. How on earth can they find parking for that many adults? It is getting very frustrating.
I think when you move to a new area, part of what comes with that is having to get used to the way things are done there with the understanding it probably won't be exactly the same as the place you came from--and that's okay.
If you have chosen not to have a car, that's fine. But that means you should be prepared to find other solutions to participate, like having him use that red wagon. Have you talked to all the other parents in his troop to ask if you and your son could ride with one of them to the campout? Complaining about them not renting a bus, or how they organize parking seems counter-productive and like an excuse to make excuses. I'd bet if you reached out to others in the troop and asked for a ride, you and your son could get there.
I think when you move to a new area, part of what comes with that is having to get used to the way things are done there with the understanding it probably won't be exactly the same as the place you came from--and that's okay.
If you have chosen not to have a car, that's fine. But that means you should be prepared to find other solutions to participate, like having him use that red wagon. Have you talked to all the other parents in his troop to ask if you and your son could ride with one of them to the campout? Complaining about them not renting a bus, or how they organize parking seems counter-productive and like an excuse to make excuses. I'd bet if you reached out to others in the troop and asked for a ride, you and your son could get there.
I know about asking for a ride and all that but what do you do when no one else talks to you? Take tonight for instance... they all had their campout this weekend (it rained so my son didn't feel too bad for not going) and then we were to have a meeting tonight to discuss next weeks Scouting for Food pick up with the Bears and Webelos BUT they failed to tell him/me that plans had changed and they were meeting an hour earlier at a parents house to help the Tigers and Wolves hang the flier for the food drive (none of which are being hung in our neighborhood). We went to the normal meeting spot and waited until 15 mins after the normal meeting time. I come home to an email asking where he was and how they hope he can help next week with the food pickup. Um...sure would have been nice to be included in the change of plans. Son is now upset because he doesn't feel like he's part of the den. It's only been 4 weeks since he joined this den and I know he needs time but they need to make some effort at including him and just not assume he is psychic. They use scouttrack to communicate with all the members and I know this is working because I got numerous emails about next week's pickup plans. UGH!
I know about asking for a ride and all that but what do you do when no one else talks to you? Take tonight for instance... they all had their campout this weekend (it rained so my son didn't feel too bad for not going) and then we were to have a meeting tonight to discuss next weeks Scouting for Food pick up with the Bears and Webelos BUT they failed to tell him/me that plans had changed and they were meeting an hour earlier at a parents house to help the Tigers and Wolves hang the flier for the food drive (none of which are being hung in our neighborhood). We went to the normal meeting spot and waited until 15 mins after the normal meeting time. I come home to an email asking where he was and how they hope he can help next week with the food pickup. Um...sure would have been nice to be included in the change of plans. Son is now upset because he doesn't feel like he's part of the den. It's only been 4 weeks since he joined this den and I know he needs time but they need to make some effort at including him and just not assume he is psychic. They use scouttrack to communicate with all the members and I know this is working because I got numerous emails about next week's pickup plans. UGH!
Yep. You want to "be a part of things" then actually be a part. An active part. It sounds as if your son wants to use the group to satisfy his desire to accumulate the badges and other accolades he's interested in, not that he wants to join in, get to know boys who have different interests and to be a real "part" of the group.
And yes, it is challenging to be the new kid and fair or not, the new kid is the one that has to shoulder the bigger part of the burden of getting to know others and making the effort to join in. Take it from someone who was frequently the new kid, it's just how it is.
ETA: telling everyone how things were so much better where you used to live is not a good strategy for becoming a part of things.
Never said things were better where we were (they weren't) but that is all we know so I mention for comparison. I have moved too often to not understand being the "new kid" but to hand someone a shirt, call them part of the den, then not inform them of changes is wrong. Financially we cannot take on camping right now and he understands that. Many of the families around here go camping as often as the football schedule allows. It's a fact of life. If we were back in our old city we would be going up the canyon ourselves for a hike and to the symphony, but we are here and not there. He already considers these boys his friends. It just irks me how they can't contact everyone when there is a change, that is just common courtesy.
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