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There is a boy whom my daughter met over the summer and she really enjoyed playing with him. They are now in the same Kindergarten class, which started a few weeks ago.
I ran into his mother yesterday, who suggested a playdate for the kids. When I asked our daughter about it, she adamantly said, “No.”
Apparently, he is teasing her and it makes her very uncomfortable. At the same time, he apparently still insists on playing with her at school/recess/etc. I can see that she is really bothered by this.
I asked her if there’s anyone else who teases her, and she said no, and I believe her especially since she really seems to enjoy the school.
As parents, how should my wife and I deal with this?
I'd probably start with the school teacher. She may know what's going on. It doesn't really sound like it's necessarily a case of someone being mean or bullying her - more like someone wants to play with her but doesn't know how to get her attention in a more appropriate way. But you can't know for sure, so I'd ask the teacher what's going on - even if she doesn't know, she's in a better position to observe during the day and let you know.
When you say teasing, what exactly does this boy do?
Good question.
She says he constanly laughs at her, won't leave her alone when she asks him to, and calls her names. She says he doesn't do this to anyone else besides her.
I don't think there's been anything physical, but I think I heard that he actually bit someone in class and had an accident (#2) in his pants. Not sure how relevant any of this is, though.
Honestly he sounds immature and desperate for her attention. I would just explain to your daughter that some kids sometimes act out in order to get people notice them and that she should just walk away or tell the teacher if he won't leave her alone.
Hmmm, well it's kindergarten, and some of the kids don't have either their social boundaries or impulses under control yet. Plus the exciting and new world of proper school can cause kids to be a bit wacky in the first weeks.
So I'd talk to the teacher, she/he can reinforce to the boy what is acceptable behavior in school and what is not, and hopefully he'll settle down in a bit and your daughter won't be hassled by him anymore - but it's quite possible that both of them have changed to the point where they no longer have common interests and have moved on as friends.
It's important early on for her to learn to say "Please stop I don't like that" when someone is making her uncomfortable. She needs to know she can stand up for herself in a non violent way.
But I wouldn't force the play date thing. If she doesn't want to, that's her prerogative, IMO. I don't see the point in arranging play dates with kids she doesn't want to play with.
Last edited by FinsterRufus; 09-26-2013 at 09:56 AM..
I should add too that he probably feels comfortable with her because they met over the summer and he's in this scary place and she's safe. That doesn't mean that she has to put up with his behavior, just that that may be where it's coming from.
My son who is immature and has a adhd diagnosis got into trouble in kindergarten for harassing his older sister at recess. His doctor agreed that it was simply that she was a safe haven in the scary craziness of going to school. Doesn't make it ok and we fixed the behavior but it is a reason.
I agree that I shouldn’t force the play date. For all we know, he may be saying to his mom how he dislikes our daughter because she’s annoying; there are two sides to every story.
Regarding the approach in dealing with the “teasing” issue, we had a conversation last night and told her to be firm but polite (her teacher is very big into manners), and say, “Please stop teasing me. You are making me feel uncomfortable.” And if he continues, she should go straight to the teacher.
I hope it doesn’t escalate any further beyond that, but if it does and we find out, I plan to write a note to the teacher, saying that our daughter has told us that one of her classmates has been teasing her, and to see if that teacher may have noticed anything. This way, I am making sure that I keep the boy’s name anonymous, to give him the benefits of the doubt. I also just found out that the boy may be a special needs child.
There is a boy whom my daughter met over the summer and she really enjoyed playing with him. They are now in the same Kindergarten class, which started a few weeks ago.
I ran into his mother yesterday, who suggested a playdate for the kids. When I asked our daughter about it, she adamantly said, “No.”
Apparently, he is teasing her and it makes her very uncomfortable. At the same time, he apparently still insists on playing with her at school/recess/etc. I can see that she is really bothered by this.
I asked her if there’s anyone else who teases her, and she said no, and I believe her especially since she really seems to enjoy the school.
As parents, how should my wife and I deal with this?
Please help. Thanks.
It sounds to me like the little boy likes her. Maybe talk to the mom and explain how your daughter doesn't like the teasing. If the little boy likes to play with her, this is one way to get him to stop, by not letting them play if he teases.
Have your playdate and see how it works out. If he starts teasing her and you witness it, make it a point to say you are leaving if he is going to tease her.
It sounds to me like the little boy likes her. Maybe talk to the mom and explain how your daughter doesn'does doesn'teasing. If the little boy likes to play with her, this is one way to get him to stop, by not letting them play if he teases.
Have your playdate and see how it works out. If he starts teit's howcthing her and you witness it, make it a point to say you are leaving if he is going to tease her.
My thoughts exactly. Little boys get big crushes but they don't have any finesse. Or at the very least he likes her as a pal, but doesn't understand that the way certain girls are is different from other pals he's had. With many boys and more tomboyish girls and some dainty girls, teasing is what they do when they are friends, it's how they bond.
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