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Location: Life here is not an Apollo Mission. Everyone calm down.
1,065 posts, read 4,537,150 times
Reputation: 999
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jadedSOUL83
its funny that people think its so awful..but if the story read "mother fakes myspace account as teen boy to spy on daughter and finds out one of her friends made a bomb and was planning to blow up the school...plan thwarted" then you'd all be going "oooo great good for her..thats so awesome" So I have a feeling most people are being hypocrites. As for the mother that keylogs everything her daughter types, I seriously believe you need some help. Instead of being such a psycho, maybe you just need to establish some more trust and respect with your daughter so that she is open enough with you that you dont have to invade her privacy. If she ever did find out, she would lose trust in you forever, and you would have no hope of a good relationship in the future. Smothering, invasion of privacy, and too much discipline leads to children growing into adults that cant do anything for themselves, and can be just as bad as neglect and lack of discipline. Its a shame about the girl hanging herself, but its not just the myspace mothers fault, both that parent and the parent of the child hanging herself obviously have lack of communication with their own children.
I'd also like to add that I'm old enough to be your mother.
Location: Life here is not an Apollo Mission. Everyone calm down.
1,065 posts, read 4,537,150 times
Reputation: 999
Quote:
Originally Posted by charolastra00
This lack of trust is absolutely how you destroy your relationship with your children. I have always told my mother everything because I knew without a shadow of a doubt that she was not invading my privacy in such a way. If she ever had tried to pry into my private life like that, that would have been the end of my relationship and my trust with my mom. As a parent, you should not know everything about your child.
The mother who made the fake account at the very least should have her children taken away from her. If she is that manipulative of another child, how do you think she is with her own kids?
Actually, I can prove it builds trust. By having validation that my child IS making her own right choices, I have been gifted peace of mind.
This party I mention...you can tell by the pictures which kids were taken aback by what was going on there. They just showed up to the popular kids house and BAM met with narcotics; it obvious that some of the kids knew they shouldn't be there.
Growing up in the 70s, everyone I knew was drinking beer at 15. It would have helped if my parents had a clue.
Today, when I find out so and so is having a beer party because their parents are going to be out of town; I don't do anything other than make sure my daughter will not be able to attend. Simple.
I've thought long and hard to what my obligation is to the parents of the other kids and have decided I have to stay silent about what I discover.
How old is your daughter? If she is 13 or 14, I can understand. But any older than that and I really believe you are overstepping your boundaries. How is your daughter going to grow and learn with you are always there as a safety net? However, my mom knew when I was 16 and tried hookah at a friend's house (and hated it). I also told my mom when I tried my first cigarette (and hated it). Alcohol was always served at meals in my home and I never liked it so that was never an issue (and now, in my 2nd year of college, I've still not gotten drunk).
I'm not trying to be ominous or anything, but I had many friends whose parents, thinking they were doing the best for their child, acted much the same as you (monitoring emails, keylogging,etc). The only friends I have who are in rehab now are those same kids. Not necessary a correlation, but it's enough to make you think. My best friend's mom always prevented her from being in any kind of situation where there could be trouble. Now, she has no idea how to say no in those situations. I get calls from her all the time where she is so drunk that she has no idea where she is- and it's not as if I can do anything when I'm in college in Boston and she's at college in Georgia. Another good friend of mine's mother secretly monitored her emails and logged her IMs. She just got out of rehab. Again, that doesn't mean that this happens with every child, but I really believe that these girls cannot say no because they never were given the opportunity to learn for themselves.
The one time I found my mom had violated my privacy by logging onto my brother's facebook in order to see mine, I didn't speak to her for over a month. There's nothing bad on my facebook because I don't do anything that could possibly be construed as negative. Still, she lost my trust and now almost a year and a half later, she had not fully gained it back. She may never get it all back, because once trust is gone, it's gone for good.
Location: Life here is not an Apollo Mission. Everyone calm down.
1,065 posts, read 4,537,150 times
Reputation: 999
Quote:
Originally Posted by charolastra00
How old is your daughter? If she is 13 or 14, I can understand. But any older than that and I really believe you are overstepping your boundaries. How is your daughter going to grow and learn with you are always there as a safety net? However, my mom knew when I was 16 and tried hookah at a friend's house (and hated it). I also told my mom when I tried my first cigarette (and hated it). Alcohol was always served at meals in my home and I never liked it so that was never an issue (and now, in my 2nd year of college, I've still not gotten drunk).
I'm not trying to be ominous or anything, but I had many friends whose parents, thinking they were doing the best for their child, acted much the same as you (monitoring emails, keylogging,etc). The only friends I have who are in rehab now are those same kids. Not necessary a correlation, but it's enough to make you think. My best friend's mom always prevented her from being in any kind of situation where there could be trouble. Now, she has no idea how to say no in those situations. I get calls from her all the time where she is so drunk that she has no idea where she is- and it's not as if I can do anything when I'm in college in Boston and she's at college in Georgia. Another good friend of mine's mother secretly monitored her emails and logged her IMs. She just got out of rehab. Again, that doesn't mean that this happens with every child, but I really believe that these girls cannot say no because they never were given the opportunity to learn for themselves.
The one time I found my mom had violated my privacy by logging onto my brother's facebook in order to see mine, I didn't speak to her for over a month. There's nothing bad on my facebook because I don't do anything that could possibly be construed as negative. Still, she lost my trust and now almost a year and a half later, she had not fully gained it back. She may never get it all back, because once trust is gone, it's gone for good.
I completely respect your opinion. (The kids are 16.)
Recently, I had 8 of them in my house. The first four arrived and plopped down on my couch. I never know when they are coming over; I was watching the news on TV at the time. I asked them a couple questions; how it was going; what's been the reaction to their friend dying, etc. It lead to a long conversation about drugs and alcohol and peer pressure. These kids do trust me. When the other four came in with ice cream sundaes, the first four left to go get ice cream and I had the same conversation with the next group of four. I told them all that I knew how hard it was to not give in to peer pressure; but being juniors, this was the year that colleges look at you (six of the eight are definitely going on to college.) I told them if there was ever anything that happened that they couldn't tell their parents, I would be here to help.
I've found that these kids will talk about anything with me in the room, while they are in my car. I just sit quietly and listen. I don't judge. With this knowledge, I sit with my daughter and discuss these things. She is very open, tells me everything to the point that I don't even have to monitor her correspondence.
If they weren't all driving, I'd be a bit lax. But we've got on kid paralyzed, another dead from passing out drunk while his over heated car engine caught fire; three out of four dead from taking a long road trip hours from home without their parents knowledge. Can you imagine getting the call that your daughter is dead in a car accident at the state line, when she's supposed to be on a date at the movie theater up the street? I can't imagine.
I trust my daughter. I don't trust that her friends won't come up with a bright idea and she bow to the pressure. That is why I monitor.
Location: Life here is not an Apollo Mission. Everyone calm down.
1,065 posts, read 4,537,150 times
Reputation: 999
Back to the original topic. The article states that no charges have been filed. Is this not intimidation? Isn't there a new internet law about misrepresenting yourself? Maybe such laws are from state to state.
Back to the original topic. The article states that no charges have been filed. Is this not intimidation? Isn't there a new internet law about misrepresenting yourself? Maybe such laws are from state to state.
if theres a law about misrepresenting yourself, then you should be arrested for misrepresenting yourself as a good parent miss "i'm old enough to be your mom" what are you 70? I assume not, since you grew up in the 70's just like my brother. Thanks chief. Go distrust your daughter some more. You're lucky she probably won't find out about what you do, b/c she will hate you for the rest of your life if she does. Oh well, neither one of us is going to win this discussion b/c well I was open with my mother and vice versa, and you spy on yours even though your parents probably didnt do that to you and you turned out just fine (well sort of) . And dont feed me that "we grew up in different times BS" or "things are different today" BS. Invasion of privacy will be the same in 1850, 1970, and 2120. Oh well
Location: Life here is not an Apollo Mission. Everyone calm down.
1,065 posts, read 4,537,150 times
Reputation: 999
Quote:
Originally Posted by jadedSOUL83
if theres a law about misrepresenting yourself, then you should be arrested for misrepresenting yourself as a good parent miss "i'm old enough to be your mom" what are you 70? I assume not, since you grew up in the 70's just like my brother. Thanks chief. Go distrust your daughter some more. You're lucky she probably won't find out about what you do, b/c she will hate you for the rest of your life if she does. Oh well, neither one of us is going to win this discussion b/c well I was open with my mother and vice versa, and you spy on yours even though your parents probably didnt do that to you and you turned out just fine (well sort of) . And dont feed me that "we grew up in different times BS" or "things are different today" BS. Invasion of privacy will be the same in 1850, 1970, and 2120. Oh well
Like I said in my posts- I trust my daughter, I don't trust boys thrusting narcotics in her face. I wish for you many daughters and peace of mind, and a sense of humor.
My son is only 1 1/2 so I have a long way to go before I'm faced with parenting a teenager, but it definately seems like it will be a challenge. I remember the trouble my friends and I got into as teenagers and it makes looking forward to the teen years of my own children scary! I don't judge, because I'm not in the situation yet.
But what that mother did creating a fake myspace account and deceiving a child is despicable.
In the words of Ronald Reagan....."Trust but Verify".....it works for me raising my wifes 16 yr old g'son.....and so far there's been no trouble.....he KNOWS that I have access to his computer, his MySpace account and his email.....and periodicaly I will browse....
I also am a co-owner of his car and can reposses it and sell it at anytime.....
Simple rules.....maintain no grade below a "B". don't get your g'friend pregnant. Show respect to all around you. and NO drugs of any kind because if you smoke even ONE joint, I will tell your wrestling coach.
Location: Life here is not an Apollo Mission. Everyone calm down.
1,065 posts, read 4,537,150 times
Reputation: 999
Quote:
Originally Posted by dynimagelv
In the words of Ronald Reagan....."Trust but Verify".....it works for me raising my wifes 16 yr old g'son.....and so far there's been no trouble.....he KNOWS that I have access to his computer, his MySpace account and his email.....and periodicaly I will browse....
I also am a co-owner of his car and can reposses it and sell it at anytime.....
Simple rules.....maintain no grade below a "B". don't get your g'friend pregnant. Show respect to all around you. and NO drugs of any kind because if you smoke even ONE joint, I will tell your wrestling coach.
Life is good
Kudos to you sir. I half to agree with "life is good" also. There is a lot of satisfaction in "verifying" that our kids are making good choices.
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