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I, often, solicit advice from City-Data forums due to the diverse population.
Please, help as I am frustrated.
I have two teenagers under my roof and I am a single mom. Both children share the same father, this "father" cannot be bothered to be involved. They get an occasional card phone call, etc.
Both children, teens, have complained, vehemently, that I do not spend enough time with them. Yes, I have a boyfriend and I do spend time with the boyfriend.
HOWEVER, my teens have an awful habit of staying up all night, and virtually, sleeping all day. Right now, today, I have awoken at 7 a.m only to find they are sleeping.
I have told them, numerous, times I am awake, we can go to Tractor Supply, go for a hike etc yet they are still sleeping.
I realize guilt has played a large role in their interactions with me. I just don't know what to do!!!
P.S 19 y.o just woke up at 11:00 a.m and has a backpack ready for our hike.
I agree with the others --- 11 am isn't unusual at all for a kid that age to sleep in --- unless they have a job or school that requires them to get up earlier.
Spend all the time you can with them because at their age, you don't have much time left and you cannot get that time back.
You can start a hike at noon, it doesn't have to be early morning. When you're a single parent, you have to fill the role of both parents as much as you possibly can so that's what you must do. Once the older one gets a regular job, very likely he won't have as much time to want to spend with you, but also the job may require him to change his sleep patterns.
My son is a looong way off being a teenager so my advice is limited in that regard... However, something that stands out at me from your post is the 'typical' teenage sleeping patterns. Not only do teenagers need a lot more sleep than adults (hence the sleeping in), but their internal body clock goes haywire during this period, and often they won't be tired until midnight or later (hence the late nights).
With this much said, you need to try and come up with time for activities that will work for both you and your sons' schedules. Respect the fact that they need more sleep right now than an adult, and see if you can come to a happy medium
Good luck!
This is true - there are been recent research studies showing that teenagers are natural night owls for biological reasons. Some school districts have even moved high school start times back two hours and seen improvement in grades and discipline.
Both children, teens, have complained, vehemently, that I do not spend enough time with them. Yes, I have a boyfriend and I do spend time with the boyfriend.
So the boyfriend gets prime-middle of the week evening time but you expect teenagers to get up at 7:00am on Saturdays for your family time together?
Simple solution: Schedule the boyfriend for the 7:00am Saturday morning time slot and spend your evenings with your kids. Tell him he has to be there at 7 on.the.dot and tell him he has 4 hours of your time because you and the kids are bonding. And let the kids know what you've told him.
Drop the BY to one night a week. Your focus now is to make up for lost time with older son, and get on the right path movig forward with the other. Dating is not a guarantee and honestly, has to take a back seat to your kids needs. Your 19 year old son is asking to see you more, do you not here nhow crazy that is? Your son sees the situation as a problem, hence it is a problem regardless if you see it or not. Get things settled at home for a few months and then see about dating. Its possible that your kids will need you so much you will not be able to date until they are 18 and out.
So the boyfriend gets prime-middle of the week evening time but you expect teenagers to get up at 7:00am on Saturdays for your family time together?
Simple solution: Schedule the boyfriend for the 7:00am Saturday morning time slot and spend your evenings with your kids. Tell him he has to be there at 7 on.the.dot and tell him he has 4 hours of your time because you and the kids are bonding. And let the kids know what you've told him.
Excellent advice!! Your kids should be your #1 and not your boyfriend.
sleeping late is not unusual for teen boys but that doesn't make it the right thing to do. I have two boys now 20 and 24 and I always gave them a hard time about sleeping half the day away. i'm old school so that was unheard off in my house. my dad use to say only a lazy man sleep all day when their are things to be done around the house inside and out. he also use to tell use that the early bird catches all the worm. if you trying to raise men sleeping late is not going to cut it these days, as the fast moving world is leaving you in the dust by time you get out of bed. is there anyway that their father can take more time with them or another family member like an uncle. an idle mind can be a devil's playground in todays world. let no one or nothing come between you and your kids, be there for them and get their father to help out if possible.
So the boyfriend gets prime-middle of the week evening time but you expect teenagers to get up at 7:00am on Saturdays for your family time together?
Simple solution: Schedule the boyfriend for the 7:00am Saturday morning time slot and spend your evenings with your kids. Tell him he has to be there at 7 on.the.dot and tell him he has 4 hours of your time because you and the kids are bonding. And let the kids know what you've told him.
This was what I was going to suggest, though, not being so over bearing to tell BF he has to be there at 7am on the dot. Sorry, BF isn't a child, BF can choose to sleep an extra hour and miss time with his GF if he so chooses.
But I was going to say, block out weekend mornings for BF time and tell your kids you will be home after lunch for plans with them. By that, I am suggesting they should be responsible for waking themselves and feeding themselves and should be available for family time by maybe noon or so.
As far as DS, tell him you expect him to find a job. Now that he is out of school, and as long as he remains out of school, he is expected to contribute to the income of the household. He can pay for his own food and gas for the car, in the very least, or charge him rent.
The most difficult thing I am dealing with is: when I deal with one teen the other makes a comment.
Also, the, almost, 16 y.o bullies her brother into doing nearly all the chores pertaining to the animals in the house.
I just told the both of them what I expect and if my expectations are NOT MET I will turn off the internet service and find homes for the pets.
They are not happy with me right now.
This is part that bothers me. At this point of time, the 19yo should be prepared on becoming self-sufficient, independent and so on. The same goes for the 16yo as her time is coming up soon and fast. The kids are showing by their actions that the pets are not that high a priority. The 16yo should not be using bullying tactics to get out of her responsibility and the OP needs to shut that down. OP needs to decide what to do with those pets. If she wants to keep them, even when her kids leave the nest, then she needs to partake in the responsibility as well. If she doesn't see herself taking on these pets after the kids leave, then those pets needs to go and the kids should help find the new forever homes.
As for the kids making a comment, why empower them? If it has nothing to do with them, they need to mind their own business.
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