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I didn't read the whole thing, but he's 19, he's an adult now and you can't pull him out of college. If he's really making you mad, stop paying for it, and then he can do what he wants.
I suggest that next time you read the entire thread.
It isn't that he is making Mom" mad", he is dating/close to living with/supporting with his college money a mentally ill woman several years older than him, who has abused him, isolated him from his friends & family and has threatened to kill him and to kill herself.
Mom is worried that her son will be DEAD 19 year old if this continues.
I suggest that next time you read the entire thread.
It isn't that he is making Mom" mad", he is dating/close to living with/supporting with his college money a mentally ill woman several years older than him, who has abused him, isolated him from his friends & family and has threatened to kill him and to kill herself.
Mom is worried that her son will be DEAD 19 year old if this continues.
Remove him from the threat. This woman is likely to make accusations against him and in this culture it is guilty until you prove yourself innocent. Most college administrations will take her word over his. Sex is a powerful motivation for him to maintain a relationship with her. If he won't run for his life, then you have to intervene and now. It might now work, but you have to try it.
Yes true, and I reported her for using an old id to get onto campus housing when she was fighting with my son, a potential break up, she attacked him verbally in the cafeteria quad in front of people and he went inside to get away, she left. She dropped out of school 6 months ago and is telling him he should to and get a job, live with her, etc I warned the school this should be a safe environment for my son and to talk their security to ensure she doesn't get in again. The last time they broke up he was afraid to go outside the gates in fear she would be there. She has been caught leaving a couple times since but they said they didn't know how she got in. Just two days ago he was in his dorm because they were fighting about him come home and she tried to get in with her old badge, they are wise to her now and told her verbally and sent an email that if she tried again the police will be called and they would press charges. And yet my son continues to be with her.
Yes true, and I reported her for using an old id to get onto campus housing when she was fighting with my son, a potential break up, she attacked him verbally in the cafeteria quad in front of people and he went inside to get away, she left. She dropped out of school 6 months ago and is telling him he should to and get a job, live with her, etc I warned the school this should be a safe environment for my son and to talk their security to ensure she doesn't get in again. The last time they broke up he was afraid to go outside the gates in fear she would be there. She has been caught leaving a couple times since but they said they didn't know how she got in. Just two days ago he was in his dorm because they were fighting about him come home and she tried to get in with her old badge, they are wise to her now and told her verbally and sent an email that if she tried again the police will be called and they would press charges. And yet my son continues to be with her.
You should keep a journal of all of these incidents with dates, times and witnesses. Could come in VERY handy if she does decide to make false accusations.
Remove him from the threat. This woman is likely to make accusations against him and in this culture it is guilty until you prove yourself innocent. Most college administrations will take her word over his. Sex is a powerful motivation for him to maintain a relationship with her. If he won't run for his life, then you have to intervene and now. It might now work, but you have to try it.
Yes and another problem that if she gets physically violent on him and he can't take anymore and fights back, she could get him sent to jail. I know a guy that was bruised and scratched and while being attacked he made some defensive moves, but since she was smaller and all, and female, he was the one hauled off to jail.
WTF do you think you can pull a adult out of college. How about, shocking, give advice when asked and minding your own business.
No one is obligated to pay the tuition and room and board of any adult. He would obviously be free to make the decision to get a job and stay there, paying his own way. Parents may not be able to control a bad situation but they sure don't have to enable it.
A. Tell him going back is not an option
B. Tell him he can go but on his own accord without our support
C. let him go back with the request he goes to counseling there and with a vey very strict budget and pray like crazy!
I'm leaning to A but I'm so scared of the repercussions but scared of that with the other options as well! Ugh!
One counselor, non HMO very knowledgable in this area, said, he must come home for at least a semester, without a doubt, and go to therapy etc
One, our HMO, said think of your options and which one sound less damaging, the one that doesn't allow him to go back seems to be the safest but it's your decision
These were both female, tomorrow I have an apt with a no nonsense, non HMO, male therapist to get his take and to see if he thinks he would be a good match for my son, as a therapist.
I'll update you! Thanks again, I know some of this is repetitive but it's been really helpful and I feel like I have more support, thank you all so much! I would love to hear some more opinions and especially from someone who went through this or something similar, what they did and what was the outcome, thanks!
If it were me, I would be leaning toward "B". That way the decision is completely his own. He would have to figure out the money angle just like an adult would and have to decide if he wants to work and start paying his own way like an adult.
That way the decision is all his. You wouldn't need to worry then that you'd be controlling or emasculating him. He would be able to think and decide if this relationship is worth him having to work two jobs to afford living there and paying tuition and everything else.
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