Children stealing food - it's getting out of hand! (activity, students, school)
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I don't even know what to say. Making the kids eat in the laundry room floor ........
We gave up TV when we realized that our first was staring at it, when he was about six months old. WE gave up TV. We put it in the closet, and it didn't come out again for years. WE gave up TV, not just our child. You cannot sit and eat in front of the TV, and punish your children for looking at it, too!
Sigh. I guess you're right. I'm sorry, I'm not meaning to be hard headed or anything, I just don't know what to do. we are so stressed out. I promise, we don't like not being able to spend time with them. We love our children unconditionally. Which is exactly why we are both working so much and going to school - so we CAN provide for them with better jobs than Burger King. So we CAN have more money to feed them more often, so we CAN have happier times with them. It really does pain me to have to punish them for things such as this, but I mean...like I said, idk what else to do. On nights like tonight, when I have homework for 7 classes to take care of (in classes like Calculus, physics, chemistry, etc) and taking care of them by myself....i guess I just lose my patience too quickly I just dn't really know what else to do. We are trying the best we can with what we were given....and yeah, the food stealing has to be more of an attention thing, because when we lived in the projects (rent was 105 a month instead of 650......) we had much more time with them, and the only food stealing happening was the then 2 year old rummaging through old halloween candy.......
sorry that i'm a bad parent, we are just struggling. like i said 15 times, idk what to do. it would be helpful if we could get food stamps, but we were denied. so idk.
Cut back on your hours, both of you, so that your income qualifies you for WIC and food stamps and medicaid. You'll still earn enough to pay the rent. Live with one car.
We see lots of malnourished children with excess weight. Intake of food does not equal nutrition. They sound like they are not eating properly. Do you eat SAD (Standard American Diet)? Refined carbs and dead flesh, oh my!
Well if it isn't the Veg Preacher. We didn't miss you.
What needs to be resolved is the root of the problem, the reason the children are doing this.
Bottom line? Because they are allowed to.
The parents are not supervising these children in the first place. How does a 3 year old get on a chair to get to the top of the refrigerator if he is being watched? How does a baby get crackers if Mom is asleep?
Why the children are doing it isn't far from the same reason. Because they aren't being fed properly or at all. They aren't being supervised.
Sure you can say that the parents are doing their kids a favor by getting education but not when it's at the expense of the children. It's time for them to put their children first, period.
To sum it all up most concisely for the OP, if they ever come back to the thread...
Quote:
Originally Posted by cyberphonics
A lot of the stealing or hoarding behavior in young children has a psychological basis sometimes related to food and sometimes wherein food is symholic rather than stemming from an actual physical hunger. I agree with those who say to examine your kids a bit more closely as far as their dynamic with each other and you and also when this behavior spikes (and on which parent's watch it seems to happen most).
Note any differences in what's taken, note when the food is taken in relation to when it arrives in the house, and also ask questions. Not in a scolding way but like you're having a conversation about the food and what they're doing with it. Your kids are young but what will spill out is often telling. The more patterns you notice, the more you can start piecing together what's behind this. Good luck at any rate!
Quote:
Originally Posted by convextech
They are not hungry; they are starving for attention.
Quote:
Originally Posted by lovesMountains
You've got much bigger issues than you realize, so don't waste any energy getting angry at posters here for simply pointing that out.
Use your energy instead for finding some help for your family.
Help that includes finding more food for starters. I know you think you are feeding your kids well, but unless they all have the same medical disorder (which is unlikely), they are hungry.
Since you don't qualify for food stamps, try visiting a few food pantries at local churches for some extra groceries.
Also, look into whether or not there is a "Backpack Buddy" program in your local schools. Volunteers fill backpacks with food on Friday's that help children from food insecure homes get enough to eat through the weekend.
And for goodness sakes, do not punish them for wanting to eat! Talk about setting them up for even more issues as they continue to grow up
Next, since DSS has been involved in your life, was there any help offered to you through their office for parenting classes and therapy? It sounds as though you and your wife are in need of some mentoring and support. I sincerely hope you get it as you continue to try to improve your lives.
Quote:
Originally Posted by in_newengland
Or just plain fear. The fear that came from that horrible project they were living in where someone was murdered and the fear that occurred when their baby sister died. These kids have been though more than a lot of adults have been through. There is no one to comfort them because the parents are too busy.
Food could equal comfort or survival. Another fear they could have is of having no place to live because they lost their other home and live in a different place now. Moving can be hard on kids, especially if no one had the time to explain it to them.
So they are trying to find something to hang onto. Really they need attention and love and time spent with them. One adult needs to quit working or just work part time. But then how would you pay the rent.
One thing is turn off the tv while all of you eat and talk together. The kids need undivided attention. Play with them and read to them. How about going to the library and asking for a good read aloud book? Then read aloud to them while they sit around you. I bet they would love it. They get the attention, they get to enjoy books and reading, they feel calm and safe. Read one chapter every night--if somebody doesn't behave, their punishment would be to miss reading time. It would be a great family activity and a good librarian could find a book that would be suitable for all age levels. The youngest kids appreciate the sound and rhythm of the spoken word even if they don't understand.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sundaydrive00
Yes, the parents need to not only think about their children's food needs, but also their safety. The baby is going to end up chocking on something he shouldn't be eating, and the 3 year old is going to end up seriously injured from climbing up on top of the refrigerator to get food. They might end up pulling the pantry shelves down, or even the stove. Its just an all around dangerous situation for all of the children.
This thread is so hard to read. I feel so bad for these children. I understand that the parents are working all the time and going to school to try and give their children a better life in the future, but they also need to think about what is going on right now. The children need to have a safe, nurturing home environment. These children will end up with so many problems if the parents wait for better times in order to give the children a decent life. I really hope the OP's wife considers not going to school next semester while OP finishes up so that she can stay home and be there (and awake) for the children. These parents chose to have four children, they need to be there for them. Its not fair to the children that they are constantly unsupervised and must fend for themselves.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hopes
There's no adult food and child food in the OP's situation. It's the family food. The same food for everyone. The children are eating food that is designated to last an entire week. Four loaves of bread eaten in an hour means there's no bread for sandwiches until the next paycheck.
The word "stealing" is semantics. The OP came here hoping to find solutions on how he can solve this problem. He came here because he wants to feed his family, and he doesn't know how to feed them when they are eating up all of the food that is supposed to last until the next payday.
What needs to be resolved is the root of the problem, the reason the children are doing this.
Don't know what to do! We have a 7 y/o girl, 5 y/o girl, 3 y/o boy, and 1.5 y/o boy.
The problem mainly lies with my 3 year old boy. Just this morning, I walk into the kitchen and notice a dining room chair in front of the fridge, with the stool on it. He took the brand new loaf of bread from the top of the fridge and brought it in his room, where he and his little brother were just munching on all of it. The bread was ruined, slobbered on, ripped, squished etc. He also went into the fridge and ate 6 of the 8 cinnabons we baked last night. Why was the bread on top of the fridge and pushed so far back you may ask...? Because just yesterday morning all 4 of them managed to get a DIFFERENT loaf of bread, and ate the entire thing.
This past Friday after getting out of the shower to go check on the girls doing their homework in the dining room, I hear the oldest one scramble from the kitchen and run back into the dining room. They stole candy from the fridge (and lied about it). About a week ago, after the kids had finished eating (myself and their mother hadn't ate yet, we were doing homework) and when we went into the kitchen to grab our chicken, one was missing and the other piece of chicken had bite marks all over it.
These are just a few of many examples. We have tried putting them in the corner and time out and talking to them, taking away TV, taking away toys, we have even spanked them about it. It is still happening. It is wasting our money like crazy. We are at a loss on what to do. Please, suggestions! Cheap suggestions. We are not a wealthy family by any means. So buying locks for cabinets/fridge will have to be a last resort, and only after a few more paychecks come in. Please! Going crazy.
Oh, and by the way, they are teaching the 20 month old baby that this is okay. I know this because he stays at home with his mom while I'm at school, and I guess she fell asleep today because when I got home there were crackers all over his room.....
These kids are not starving at all. I love food, so I cook a lot of good and healthy meals that everyone enjoys. They eat plenty. Yes the dad is the main cook here, lol.
I don't have time to read through the thread. I won't go into life style or anything that you may have already answered or reasons for this situation or whatever.
Strictly speaking of food....I think you need some food education. Good foods versus bad. If it didn't exist centuries ago, don't eat it. Meaning no JUICE eat the whole FRUIT. Certain foods fill you UP others don't. FIBER in foods and FATS and PROTEINS fill you UP. NOT BREAD. (or junk food in fact, make you crave more because you are not getting full or your body is craving more quality)
Don't buy ANY junk food like candy. Don't serve processed foods like anything with sugar or even frozen "tater tot" type of crap. Even a "loaf of bread" is pretty much wasted calories. Eating an APPLE with a protein like cheese (or a meat/egg) fills you up WAY more than gulping down sugary apple juice. Sugary apple juice makes your body crave MORE sugar.
Make FILLING QUALITY meals. They don't have to be expensive. Make Beans and a WHOLE GRAIN and a high fiber veg like broccoli. Even peanut butter will fill up a little kid. Add banana, etc.
Make sure ALL of them are eating these meals in a structured setting. If they "won't eat broccoli" chop it up into small bits and hide it in a macaroni and cheese. Throw in chopped up ham from a canned ham you can get at the store. HARD BOILED EGGS. Cheap. More filling than chicken. Sweet potatoes = healthy. Plain white rice not so healthy or especially filling.
Chicken is NOT filling. Red meat IS filling; so are beans. Chicken especially white meat is a lean diet food. see the difference? If you're feeding a chicken, you need to supplement it with a WHOLE GRAIN or high fiber vegetable like dark greens, broccoli, cauliflower etc. This fills them up and is healthy. (ok some people don't love grains for various reasons but I'm not addressing that)
Humans also need FATS which not only help the body but contribute to being "full". Don't buy anything fake processed as "low fat". It's chemically altered. For example buy WHOLE FAT sour cream not "low fat". If you eat dairy. Ditto yogurt etc. Buy BUTTER not chemical margarine. Use olive oil on food. It's healthy and filling and a "good" food versus fake oils squeezed out of corn.
My kid LOVED eating this way. He didn't know anything else. When he was a year old he was eating lamb shank with garlic, broccoli and a whole grain I made for dinner the night before and left for the baby sitter to serve. To this day he has broccoli cravings.
Once you know they are FULL then you can evaluate it. If they are STARVING and can't find bread or candy they're going to eat what they find. BEANS AND RICE, tuna fish, or a banana or carrot for example. You can't get much cheaper than that and it's not unhealthy.
Lastly, kids as they get older WILL eat like, FOREVER if it's junk food or something they love. My kid's birthday party when I served pizza taught me that. A bunch of big-ish boys scarfing down WAY TOO MUCH and looking for more. Feeding REAL foods that FILL THEM UP with no junk food around will put a stop to this PRONTO.
Last edited by runswithscissors; 10-09-2013 at 11:55 AM..
I don't have time to read through the thread. I won't go into life style or anything that you may have already answered or reasons for this situation or whatever.
Strictly speaking of food....I think you need some food education. Good foods versus bad. If it didn't exist centuries ago, don't eat it. Meaning no JUICE eat the whole FRUIT. Certain foods fill you UP others don't. FIBER in foods and FATS and PROTEINS fill you UP. NOT BREAD. (or junk food in fact, make you crave more because you are not getting full or your body is craving more quality)
Don't buy ANY junk food like candy. Don't serve processed foods like anything with sugar or even frozen "tater tot" type of crap. Even a "loaf of bread" is pretty much wasted calories. Eating an APPLE with a protein like cheese (or a meat/egg) fills you up WAY more than gulping down sugary apple juice. Sugary apple juice makes your body crave MORE sugar.
Make FILLING QUALITY meals. They don't have to be expensive. Make Beans and a WHOLE GRAIN and a high fiber veg like broccoli. Even peanut butter will fill up a little kid. Add banana, etc.
Make sure ALL of them are eating these meals in a structured setting. If they "won't eat broccoli" chop it up into small bits and hide it in a macaroni and cheese. Throw in chopped up ham from a canned ham you can get at the store. HARD BOILED EGGS. Cheap. More filling than chicken. Sweet potatoes = healthy. Plain white rice not so healthy or especially filling.
Chicken is NOT filling. Red meat IS filling; so are beans. Chicken especially white meat is a lean diet food. see the difference? If you're feeding a chicken, you need to supplement it with a WHOLE GRAIN or high fiber vegetable like dark greens, broccoli, cauliflower etc. This fills them up and is healthy. (ok some people don't love grains for various reasons but I'm not addressing that)
Humans also need FATS which not only help the body but contribute to being "full". Don't buy anything fake processed as "low fat". It's chemically altered. For example buy WHOLE FAT sour cream not "low fat". If you eat dairy. Ditto yogurt etc. Buy BUTTER not chemical margarine. Use olive oil on food. It's healthy and filling and a "good" food versus fake oils squeezed out of corn.
My kid LOVED eating this way. He didn't know anything else. When he was a year old he was eating lamb shank with garlic, broccoli and a whole grain I made for dinner the night before and left for the baby sitter to serve. To this day he has broccoli cravings.
Once you know they are FULL then you can evaluate it. If they are STARVING and can't find bread or candy they're going to eat what they find. BEANS AND RICE, tuna fish, or a banana or carrot for example. You can't get much cheaper than that and it's not unhealthy.
Lastly, kids as they get older WILL eat like, FOREVER if it's junk food or something they love. My kid's birthday party when I served pizza taught me that. A bunch of big-ish boys scarfing down WAY TOO MUCH and looking for more. Feeding REAL foods that FILL THEM UP with no junk food around will put a stop to this PRONTO.
While you make some good points about nutrition, the gist of your message is not applicable to the underlying problem. Please DO read the entire thread for complete understanding - the OP's initial post does not make clear the whole problem, which is far more about very insecure kids who've undergone a lot of sad and scary experiences than it is nutrition or children going hungry.
You found time to post, yet you couldn't find time to read the thread to which you were responding??
Telling the 7 year old to be food police is a bad idea. It falls right into CraigCreek's description of older, stronger children taking advantage of younger weaker children.
Now that you describe your lifestyle, it matches very well with what CraigCreek shared about institutionalized kids. With you BOTH working 50 hours per week AND going to school, your children aren't receiving appropriate time for parenting and supervision. The disarray of their lives is being acted out in their food stealing.
If you want to do what's best for your children, you should take CraigCreek's advice. Have set meal times. Have sit down meals with whichever parent is home for the meal. Get two extra chairs to put around that table for four. Etc.
Right now, with two of you working 50 hours and both of you going to school, there is not enough attention being paid to your children and they are showing it in their stealing of food. While it's great both of you are trying to better your lives via going to school, one of you should take a break from school to make time for the children. When one of you finishes school, the other can continue. Both of you going to school at once is not working out for your children.
Excellent post and very good advice. I don't think it is meant to denigrate you, just common sense advice. You may think it is okay to put the kids lives on hold while you both finish school but it is obvious that the children are reacting to the situation.
Also, making an older child responsible for the behavior of younger children is a bad idea. They will end up hating that kid and she is too young to have that responsibility or burden.
Good for you all for trying to better yourselves but, something isn't working......you brought these children into the world, now you need to step back and review your timetable and goals.
I agree with maybe mom postponing school at least until you graduate, cutting back on hours, and spending more time with the kids. This can only be a win/win situation. First, with less income you should be able to qualify for assistance, not just food, but utilities and possibly childcare, which should allow you to still cover essentials like rent even with less income. But most importantly, your kids need you and need you now. Their needs can't be put on hold until you finish school, their mom finishes school, you both find jobs, etc. Their issues with food is just the beginning. If you don't tune into them immediately, you may be dealing with bigger and more serious issues.
Their behavior isn't about food at all. It's about little kids needing attention, security, and supervision. It's clear that you love them very much, but they have been through so much, and they need someone's full attention now. School can wait, but your kids cannot and they are telling you, in their way, that they can't.
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