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Heh,
My first post-
I've got two boys, 3 and almost 6, just started sharing a room this fall. Things started out ok - but now when we put them down for bed they just get crazy. I have stupidly sat in there with them and this helps but I just can't take it anymore. We can start the bedtime routine at 7:30 and they're (one or both) not asleep until 9:30. We got an ipod to play lullabies and/or stories but that seems to have lost its magic pretty quick.
Any suggestions?
I have been removing the little one to my bedroom when things just are nuts -but I feel bad for him because he is the better behaved one... easy to move though.
Help!
Use a reward system of some sort. Whatever they love to eat, do or watch.
If you go to bed and don't fool around then you can do, or watch, or eat.
Or you could do a chart of some sort with stars or whatever for every day they are good and if one is good and the other not then the good one gets the fun activity at the end of the week. And the other one does not get to do the fun activity.
Most of all be consistent!
That is where they get allot of parents. They learn to hold out longer than the parent that is not consistent.
Because they get what they want in the end.
Good Luck to you sounds like you have 100% boys on your hands...
I don't think that's a "boy" thing. I have girls who share a room who used to have the same issue. I went through a lot of ideas, but here is what worked in the end for us:
when they go to bed, they like to have enough light that they can look at books quietly. One is old enough to read and one is not, but that doesn't matter--they can look at the pictures or whatever. They also have a Magna Doodle each which they can write/draw on. I give them 5 minutes after bed to talk and after that it is quiet time. The key word is QUIET. So...before leaving their room the day I started this, I let them know that if it wasn't quiet, I would quietly come in, turn off a light and leave w/o saying anything. When they start, they have light coming in from the hall (2 lights out there) as well as their closet light. Of course the first night they weren't quiet. I walked in, turned off the closet light and walked out. They "promised" they'd be better, etc. but I just kept walking. They continued to talk so I turned off one hall light. They did it again, so I turned off the last hall light. I know they hate dark, and it was DARK, so I sat by them and said if they were quiet for 5 min. I would turn one hall light back on. It took a while that first night, but they gave in and were quiet for 5 min. with me there, so I turned the hall light back on. I did not hear from them again that night.
They rarely talk loudly now. They generally whisper a bit, which I'm OK with, and/or "read" their books. If/when they start getting loud, I just walk in and turn off one light and they settle right down, not wanting to get to that "blackout" stage.
I love this for 2 reasons. One, it has worked. Two, I don't end up mad or yelling or at wit's end. I stay totally calm, and it takes very little time. They are in bed and I've finished reading to them by 7:30-8pm; they are asleep within 1/2 hour.
I don't think that's a "boy" thing. I have girls who share a room who used to have the same issue. I went through a lot of ideas, but here is what worked in the end for us:
when they go to bed, they like to have enough light that they can look at books quietly. One is old enough to read and one is not, but that doesn't matter--they can look at the pictures or whatever. They also have a Magna Doodle each which they can write/draw on. I give them 5 minutes after bed to talk and after that it is quiet time. The key word is QUIET. So...before leaving their room the day I started this, I let them know that if it wasn't quiet, I would quietly come in, turn off a light and leave w/o saying anything. When they start, they have light coming in from the hall (2 lights out there) as well as their closet light. Of course the first night they weren't quiet. I walked in, turned off the closet light and walked out. They "promised" they'd be better, etc. but I just kept walking. They continued to talk so I turned off one hall light. They did it again, so I turned off the last hall light. I know they hate dark, and it was DARK, so I sat by them and said if they were quiet for 5 min. I would turn one hall light back on. It took a while that first night, but they gave in and were quiet for 5 min. with me there, so I turned the hall light back on. I did not hear from them again that night.
They rarely talk loudly now. They generally whisper a bit, which I'm OK with, and/or "read" their books. If/when they start getting loud, I just walk in and turn off one light and they settle right down, not wanting to get to that "blackout" stage.
I love this for 2 reasons. One, it has worked. Two, I don't end up mad or yelling or at wit's end. I stay totally calm, and it takes very little time. They are in bed and I've finished reading to them by 7:30-8pm; they are asleep within 1/2 hour.
Give it a shot and see if it works!
I don't know about working the fear of the dark angle.
How funny that i also have a 6 year old boy and a 3 year old boy sharing the same room. They have been doing it their entire life so we pretty much have it down to a science now. However, I have a few suggestions - Number one: a bunk bed! This helps us because they have their own defined space. Number two: have a routine. Ours is - brush teeth, read a book and then we put on some music - usually lullabies. We think the music is helpful because it drowns the sounds of the rest of the house out. We also use a sticker chart and that is broken into a day sticker and a night sticker. We reward them with a trip to the dollar store for one toy or book every two weeks. Finally, every time the kids get up we go in and take away a toy for a week. This has worked out great for us and they are almost always asleep by 8 pm. Like the other poster have said consistency is key! Good luck!
Thanks for the suggestions.
I like the idea of the light on for quiet reading/talking - not too concerned about being afraid of the dark - I think taking away the control of having the light might be an angle. I actually did that with the music/stories last night and they were upset so we'll see how tonight goes.
I know being consistent is the key.... as much as I know this - and think we are with what we do- it is the breaking habits that is so difficult for us.
I have also taken toys away or other privileges - as my older boy has said "That's ok - I don't mind." He's very quick to adapt and find something else to entertain himself with. I am using what I believe to be most coveted at the moment- he just knows how to get the best of a situation...my hope is that it will serve him well as an adult???!!!
Have not tried a reward system yet.
Perhaps we'll launch a reward and light with books and magnadoodle type thing in the next day or two and just buckle down.
Thanks again.
My brothers always had to be separated initially- one in the room, and one in my parent's room who was later carried back to bed when they both fell asleep. It wasn't ideal, but it worked for them, and the boys could fall asleep without the other one harassing them. They are both grown men with families now, and seemed to turn out relatively fine! It got better as they got older and could settle disagreements on their own, or tell the other one off if they were tired! I was actually jealous of the company that they shared as I was alone in my room during thunderstorms. I always thought they were lucky, and I was the older sister with her own room!
I know a grandparent that ended up with their 3 grandsons. Bedtime was always a problem so they would put the good one in their bed, leaving the bad one in the bedroom by himself. Soon as he went to sleep, the good child was put in his bed in the room with his brother. (the other one had a room to himself.) The good one would fall asleep immediately and has never woke up when they moved him back to his own bed.
I don't know about working the fear of the dark angle.
I really don't think it's working a fear of the dark angle...it's not like I put them into pitch black and leave. As I mentioned, if I turn off the last light, I sit with them, just as generations of people did before lightbulbs were invented! They weren't scared, as I was right there. They were, however, not happy that they could see their Magna Doodle or book. I never scare the kids--that would be horrible!!!
Anyway, I've found it to be very effective and like I said, not only is there no fear involved as I'm right there, but also there is no getting aggravated, no being overtired for the kids by morning, etc.
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