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Old 05-26-2007, 10:55 PM
jco jco started this thread
 
Location: Austin
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My son is one and seemed to suddenly begin with little fits. I really don't feel that he'd make the connection between spanking and his fit. Does anyone else have advice on what to do when he throws a tantrum for not getting what he wants. In comparison to many toddlers, his tantrums are nothing, so I don't really have to worry about not being able to physically control him. Still, I don't want him to protest like this!
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Old 05-26-2007, 11:49 PM
 
Location: Vancouver, Canada
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What are his fits about? If he is only 1 I would think there is a reason for the behavior, he is still pretty young to know what it going on I would think.

Standing in the corner or sitting on a time out chair works for a lot of people.
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Old 05-26-2007, 11:53 PM
 
Location: Anywhere but here!
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Actually, (and this is coming from someone with 4 kids ), you really do not have to spank yet (a little too young, I agree), however the tone of your voice they understand VERY WELL! I'm sure you are sweet spoken when he is good, therefore if you use a slightly more harsh tone when he's being bad, he'll make the connection...But along with the tone, you have to have a slightly angry look on your face, believe me...they understand FAR more than you think .It won't take him any time to catch on. Then later on, as he ages, all you have to do is "give him THE LOOK" and he'll know he's in deep doo doo
The biggest thing, CONSISTENCY CONSISTENCY CONSISTENCY!
This is, by far, the biggest problem for most parents. We tend to discipline one time for a certain offense, then NOT discipline the next time for the same exact offense...this does nothing but confuse the child. You have to be consisten EVERYTIME if you want to be effective

Hope this helps!
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Old 05-27-2007, 07:18 AM
jco jco started this thread
 
Location: Austin
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Well, his fits are usually because he didn't get his way, he wants something and I don't know what it is, or he's just tired.
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Old 05-27-2007, 10:50 AM
 
2,776 posts, read 3,960,982 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jco View Post
My son is one and seemed to suddenly begin with little fits. I really don't feel that he'd make the connection between spanking and his fit. Does anyone else have advice on what to do when he throws a tantrum for not getting what he wants. In comparison to many toddlers, his tantrums are nothing, so I don't really have to worry about not being able to physically control him. Still, I don't want him to protest like this!
Too young to be spanking him. Even if he is about to turn two, it is simply too young. Even if you disagree with those statements, the reason given is not a good one for spanking. If he's not getting what he wants and then throws a tantrum it is not because of psychological manipulation on his part, it is because he feels upset and lacking control. Why would you add to his emotional distress with a spanking? He doesn't see the connection and you're not helping him emotionally nor mentally by spanking at this age for this type of thing.
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Old 05-27-2007, 11:59 AM
jco jco started this thread
 
Location: Austin
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mbuszu, I'm not spanking him. I'm asking for help because I don't want to spank him yet; I'd like to find other strategies for behavior modification.
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Old 05-27-2007, 01:33 PM
 
Location: The Great State of Arkansas
5,981 posts, read 18,223,728 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jco View Post
My son is one and seemed to suddenly begin with little fits. I really don't feel that he'd make the connection between spanking and his fit. Does anyone else have advice on what to do when he throws a tantrum for not getting what he wants. In comparison to many toddlers, his tantrums are nothing, so I don't really have to worry about not being able to physically control him. Still, I don't want him to protest like this!
Mom, it really doesn't matter what you want - this is what you're getting! Hate to tell you, but the terrible twos start at about 15 months and go until they are 23 or so. That's years, not months!

I agree with "Mommy says no!" and a stern look on your face - past that, I'd just ignore him. Pretty soon he will learn that screaming like a maniac doesn't produce the instant response of everyone rushing to comfort him....then they start into manipulation, but we'll have lessons on that later!

If he screams, cries, and throws himself in the floor after being told no, walk away - do whatever you were doing. Stay close by, but no child has ever screamed themselves to death...yours won't either, but it will be an unhappy time for a while. Hold the line and don't give in - get yourself an MP3 player and plug it into your ears if you need to. I think he's a little young for time out or standing in the corner, but acting out and getting no attention gets pretty boring after a while. The most important thing is not to let him get too tired to where he basically can't help himself.....and exhausted kids can be awfully crabby. If you're in a public situation when this happens, go to a restroom or out to your car or whatever....don't punish everyone else in the store or restaurant to make a point, but don't give in. I'm sure anyone in any public place who has had a child will understand your dilemma - we've all had kids that did this.

I agree with the poster who says consistency is the key....and that's the toughest one, training the parents!
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Old 05-27-2007, 05:00 PM
 
Location: Rocket City, U.S.A.
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Gentle 'time in', where you hold him close to you, not letting him go until he chills out. No smothering, but a firm grip and soothing voice. He's stuck there. Depending on his age and ability it can send the message that his tantrum will not allow him to get his way. It is time-consuming, but worth a try.

Definitely try to pin-point what sets him off, though...Mo had issues stemming from adoption, so my experience might not relate well to yours. Ignoring her was never an option, as it would have undone my strides in building trust as a new family.
Different situation.
However, being tired or over-excited (too much stimulation - new things, reaching milestones) was a direct factor in her outbursts, adding to what I already had to deal with. And that can be any kid.

I don't find much value in time-outs at any age, but the time-ins helped settle my daughter when she was too young or emotional to understand any other method. I still use it when she has a bad day...scoop her up and away and no matter what, she stays there in my arms until she calms down.
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Old 05-27-2007, 11:10 PM
 
1,655 posts, read 3,391,023 times
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How about redirection ! When my son was that age he was a handful, I think they all are. But what worked good for me was, the minute he'd start to tantrum I'd redirect his attention and it usually worked.
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Old 05-28-2007, 06:14 AM
 
Location: State College PA
402 posts, read 2,207,793 times
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I vote for ignoring them.

My daughter (started tantrums at 15 months, that darned red hair!!! but this really worked best later) would have an absolute fit....something stupid like not getting the cup herself....and would just collapse to the floor screaming. We continued to eat...and she continued to scream, for maybe 2 minutes (it seemed like an eternity!). And then all of a sudden, she jumped up, calmly got in her chair, and started eating like nothing ever happened.
Gosh, that was awesome!
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