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What about rewarding/celebrating the good choices that got her there?
"I am proud of you for not procrastinating on your essay--want to go out for ice cream tonight since you are done early?"
"It was really mature of you to stay after for extra help in science since you knew you were struggling--why don't you pick out the movie we rent tonight?"
A grade is part luck of the draw (easy/hard teacher? school something that naturally clicks?) and part effort. Reward the effort.
That's what they taught us in teacher school, at least Praise the efforts, not the outcome. The outcome will appear because of solid efforts.
I think it's nice to do something. You don't have to call it a "reward", you can call it a celebration for a job well done. Take her to dinner or something. Or maybe just give her the cash and tell her you just felt like doing something nice for her since she's such a good kid.
I usually do something at the end of the school year with the kids to commemorate the end of the year and say "great job", since their report cards are typically very good. Usually it's a trip to Barnes & Noble and they can pick out what they want.
That is what I did with my kids...their grandparents gave cash...10 bucks for every A...but of course that only lasted through high-school...
We got cash rewards through all our school years. It wasn't incentive to do well - education was always emphasized in our family as a #1 priority in life, for its own sake. If we did poorly, we were expected to do better. If we needed extra help, it was provided. If we were being lazy, we were scolded and our privileges were reduced to "give you more time" to do our homework.
The only time "average" was acceptable, was if it was in a subject we didn't excel in. We didn't get rewarded for averages - but if we did especially well in a subject we struggled with, then yes we were rewarded. It was in -addition- to the pride we felt for ourselves, and that our parents had in us, for a job well done, not instead of it.
I've just started a cash for grades system with my middle school son; he brought home a straight A report card and I wanted to reward him. He's a bright kid, but still has to work a little for his As - he made a couple of good choices during the quarter about deciding to do extra credit pieces in order to nudge his high B grade over the A bar; he could've not bothered as hey, it's 8th grade, and a B is still fine, so I felt the extra effort should be recognised.
The allocation for middle school is $5 for an A, doubled to $10 for A in an Honors class (because let's not pretend he's really pulling out all the stops for that participation A in PE compared to the one he got in Accelerated Math). He's in Honors for his 4 academic classes, with 2 electives, so that's $50 a quarter that's up for grabs. Then there's an added bonus - straight As gets that $50 doubled to $100, but the additional $50 goes into his Future Self savings fund.
We didn't present it as a facile 'got an A, have a fiver, pat on head' thing. We talked about the work he'd put in, mentioning specific essays, etc he did, and the extra credit pieces; we talked about making good choices and deciding to try his best rather than coasting (he could coast and still pull in 4-5 As anyway). We explained how kids with straight As and 4.0+ GPAs will have more college choices, and may earn a place at somewhere other than the default state uni, and how consequently, the savings scheme will continue through high school but with larger sums, designed to build up a tidy college fund to expand his choices in the future.
My husband's company has an annual bonus scheme directly correlated to the score he earns at the annual appraisal, based on measurable targets like inventory reduction, etc. Sure, hubby works hard for reasons other than the bonus, but it DOES help that once a year he gets a financial recognition of effort rather than just a 'Great job!' handshake. I see this as the same thing - it's not going to be the only thing that makes my son work hard, but he'll enjoy the recognition of his efforts.
In the real world, adults are rewarded with pay raises, bonuses and commissions. It is a tangible way of recognizing effort and ability. I did the same with my kids.
In the real world, adults are rewarded with pay raises, bonuses and commissions. It is a tangible way of recognizing effort and ability. I did the same with my kids.
It is a tangible way of reinforcing RESULTS, product or service that is of use to the bottom line of the organization. Effort is not worth a hill of beans. Students don't produce results that are of benefit to anyone's bottom line. They are being given a tremendous asset to aid them in their lives going forward.
I don't think paying for grades is necessarily the answer. It will become expected.
I think that when someone does something outstanding (even if it is "their job" or "expected"), it's nice to mark the occasion. That does not mean you're creating expectation of third party validation for your accomplishments. It's just nice that someone notices every once in a while.
If my kid went to a hard school and worked hard and then brought me a report card with all As on it, I would definitely say something positive (about their work, not their smarts). Maybe we'd go do some activity together that they really like or have a nice dinner or something.
It's fun to celebrate little victories in life. A promotion. A raise. Etc.
As someone who has always been a self-starter and self-motivated my entire life (I started my own business when I was 11), I find it more and more demoralizing as of late that no one seems to give a crap that you give 110%, pull off miracles, catch things others would have missed, change lives...instead, the only time you hear anything is if something goes wrong. Yes, it is my job to be perfect...but it would be nice to get an "attaboy" or a "thank you" or "hey, that was really good!" every once in a while. I'm not doing it for the adulation, but it's sad that when someone actually bothers to say something nice, it practically makes me cry to hear it.
Very well said. I've seen folk complain about parents telling their kids "good job!" And yet we live in a culture that doesn't really do that with any regularity in the day to day.
Anyhow, when the time comes I will celebrate my daughter's academic accomplishments. That's how it goes at work via raises (hopefully) and in college via scholarships, so why not for children.
Not everyone works for a boss or a company. Some people are artists, or musicians, or entrepreneurs.
In those professions there is no such thing and you need to be motivated to better yourself for your own reasons and those alone - because there's a HUGE possibility that the only recognition you're going to get is from yourself, and you certainly aren't going to get a pat on the head and a raise from someone who hates your art or your song or your startup idea - no matter how much effort you put into them.
The satisfaction of achievement has to come from within.
Besides, some work environments couldn't give a crap how hard you work, as long as you don't eff it up.
So it doesn't always go that way for adults, and if you tell children that if you work hard and do your best at work you'll get rewarded, you're actually telling them a bunch of crap and setting them up for major disappointments when they discover that in real life, for a lot of hard working adults, that is simply not the case.
Celebrating the person because you love them and you see their wonderfulness as human beings is one thing. Perpetually rewarding measurable achievement so they expect that as the norm when they grow up is quite another.
My parents didn't reward for good grades. I didn't know some kids got cash rewards until the 4th grade when I heard a certain kid was flashing cash he'd gotten from his parents.
I remember thinking my brother (who was easily the smartest kid in the school and made all A's) would CLEAN UP if we were rewarded for grades.
There's obviously enough negativity in the world that my kid will encounter. I don't see how being a source of a little joy as a parent is going to matter in this space. With that said, as a former working street artist there were praises to go around. I just made sure to paint for my customers rather than myself.
Quote:
Originally Posted by FinsterRufus
People keep alluding to bonuses and raises.
Not everyone works for a boss or a company. Some people are artists, or musicians, or entrepreneurs.
In those professions there is no such thing and you need to be motivated to better yourself for your own reasons and those alone - because there's a HUGE possibility that the only recognition you're going to get is from yourself, and you certainly aren't going to get a pat on the head and a raise from someone who hates your art or your song or your startup idea - no matter how much effort you put into them.
The satisfaction of achievement has to come from within.
Besides, some work environments couldn't give a crap how hard you work, as long as you don't eff it up.
So it doesn't always go that way for adults, and if you tell children that if you work hard and do your best at work you'll get rewarded, you're actually telling them a bunch of crap and setting them up for major disappointments when they discover that in real life, for a lot of hard working adults, that is simply not the case.
Celebrating the person because you love them and you see their wonderfulness as human beings is one thing. Perpetually rewarding measurable achievement so they expect that as the norm when they grow up is quite another.
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Praise the efforts, not the outcome. The outcome will appear because of solid efforts.
