Should DD pay for lost retainer? (divorced, parent, wife, boy)
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There are a lot of things I would like to say in response to your post, but I will stick to the topic at hand.
Yes, I would make her pay for the replacement -- not just $50 but at a minimum half the cost, ideally the full cost. She's old enough to be responsible, and she needs to learn that we can't always spend our $ on thins we want, that needs have to be taken care of.
I suspect she will simply say "f it then, I don't really need one."
And then what? If you pay for it, no lesson learned except that she can wear you down. But then she may end up with messed-up teeth again, and the $ you spend on orthodontics is down the toilet.
Someone in your house feels it's easier to cave in to a child's demands than deal with the fallout from them being disappointed and getting pissy about it. What they're doing is learned behavior, and they're doing what works. You have your work cut out for you BIG TIME if you think you can change this behavior now, especially without their father backing you up.
There are a lot of things I would like to say in response to your post, but I will stick to the topic at hand.
Yes, I would make her pay for the replacement -- not just $50 but at a minimum half the cost, ideally the full cost. She's old enough to be responsible, and she needs to learn that we can't always spend our $ on thins we want, that needs have to be taken care of.
I suspect she will simply say "f it then, I don't really need one."
And then what? If you pay for it, no lesson learned except that she can wear you down. But then she may end up with messed-up teeth again, and the $ you spend on orthodontics is down the toilet.
Someone in your house feels it's easier to cave in to a child's demands than deal with the fallout from them being disappointed and getting pissy about it. What they're doing is learned behavior, and they're doing what works. You have your work cut out for you BIG TIME if you think you can change this behavior now, especially without their father backing you up.
this is my concern, that we will lose what we have invested. However, there will still be a net gain over what we started with. Her teeth were like something out of a horror movie! I feel its time to take a stand, and insist on some basic respect from both kids1 Its a long story, but I am truly sick and tired of being taken advantage of. Daddy gives in to whatever, usually I don't even know WTH is going on until way later. He isn't teaching them anything except they can get whatever they want. Oh, well.....Daddy doesn't have to know about little princess lost retainer....unless she wants it bad enought to....whine to Daddy, then, well, that shows she wants a new retainer, however, by the time I find out the money's been spent
This will be tough, since we are so close to finishing up her ortho, and we've come so far. But she does need to value it, at least $50 worth!
It will be hard. My parents deeply resented my eldest sister not wearing her retainer at night, which ultimately flushed thousands of dollars down the toilet. How do I know they resented it? They never provided the rest of us with orthodontics because they said it was a waste of money. Fortunately we all have good teeth that are only slightly flawed. I have no idea what condition my eldest sister's teeth were like before her braces. They were probably bad because I don't truly believe my parents shut the rest of us off. I believe they would have provided braces to any of us who had awful teeth. All I know is they were furious they wasted money on my sister's teeth.
This will be tough, since we are so close to finishing up her ortho, and we've come so far. But she does need to value it, at least $50 worth! The problem is, Daddy always caves. I've told him when he does so, he undermines any respect the kids have for me. Well, we don't have to tell Daddy everything, do we? Just let the issue ride....
Can you take $10 per paycheck from her until she pays the $50?
I made both my kids pay for 50% of their retainer replacement costs. They were both in ELEMENTARY school at the time.
In both cases those retainers were pre-braces treatments so there was no question they needed them. In the case of the retainers after braces, your teeth will certainly move if you don't wear them. Tell her if she ruins her teeth because she won't wear the retainer, she can reimburse you for 50% of what you paid for the braces in the first place. Your house, your rules. She is only 16.
I made both my kids pay for 50% of their retainer replacement costs. They were both in ELEMENTARY school at the time.
In both cases those retainers were pre-braces treatments so there was no question they needed them. In the case of the retainers after braces, your teeth will certainly move if you don't wear them. Tell her if she ruins her teeth because she won't wear the retainer, she can reimburse you for 50% of what you paid for the braces in the first place. Your house, your rules. She is only 16.
And, just how do we get the money from her? Steal it from her checking account?
She has her pay direct deposited to a checking account, which we set up for her. I really can't be expected to somehow break into a kid's account. Yes, its our house, but, not our rules, long story....perhaps we could take it out of her lunch account? sounds pi$$y, but, hey, look, someone has to pay for that thing! We put $200/month in her lunch account, well, we just don't until we've paid off that retainer, she can provide her own lunch money, or brown bag it, or, go without.......or, we could go hungry, or go without, or, F her teeth! If she doesn't care, why should I?
If your daughter won't help pay for the retainer, I would counter with that she will then pay you for 50% of the cost of the braces (even though you imply that insurance paid for part of them). The retainer is necessary to "set" the newly placed each night, to keep them from retracting to their pre orthodontia appearance. $10 per paycheck or per week is a reasonable amount. She should be setting up a budget and saving regularly from her earnings, and this is a good lesson for learning debt, saving for emergencies etc.
Reduce her lunch account by $25 each month until it is paid off. $200 is $10 a day for lunch (there are only about 20 school days in a month)~she can get by on less, or as you said, pack her lunch.
Furthermore, I would check each night to make sure she is wearing the retainer. Make her show you before she goes to sleep at night. She obviously needs some guidance in being responsible about the cost of the process and the long term effects of letting it slide. I would not back down on this~stay calm, keep repeating yourself, she is not in charge of her health or her teeth until she is paying for them. While under your roof, you rule.
Well, I don't think she should have to pay for it at all. It was an accident. She didn't mean to. The longer you wait, the tighter it will be in her mouth.
I think you should just buy it for her now (for the sake of her teeth spreading) and have a deadline as to when it needs to be paid for. If she hasn't repaid you for it by X date, then just add interest. Think of it as credit card training...
Since it apparently wasn't previously discussed I agree with the $50. I would make it clear that subsequent losses will be 100% on her.
You might be nice and say $10 per paycheck until you are paid.. BUT YES make her pay. She needs to learn responsibility. 16 is a very hard year for them and you.
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She needs to learn responsibility. 16 is a very hard year for them and you.
