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Don't give her lunch money for November and pay for the retainer. If you don't teach her responsibility, who will? At 16, if she hasn't learned to respect you, you're facing a big war. But this is a battle that you need to win. She works, she has money and not, it's not your responsibility to pay for orthodontics. And enforce the use of the retainer.
I do cook "for them" because its cheaper and more efficient to cook meals, such as stews, casseroles, etc, rather than each of us picking their own stuff
Typically I do their laundry, because, there again, its cheaper, more efficient to batch stuff
Our kids are 12 and 13. We often cook family meals, but other times, we are each left to our own on what to eat. They aren't cooking yet, but they can make sandwiches, do soup or warm left overs for themselves on these days. This always works if my wife and I cook something they don't want. "Fine, make your own then." Which almost always leads them to eat what we have cooked.
Our kids have been doing their laundry for two or three years now. Most times we have to stay on them to do it, but they actually do it themselves. They will occassionally complain of noth having any clean clothes to wear to school to which we reply, "I guess you need to wash clothes when you get home." My role as a parent is provide clothing, shelter, food, health care and make sure they get to school. No one said we had to wash their clothes for them.
this is my concern, that we will lose what we have invested. However, there will still be a net gain over what we started with. Her teeth were like something out of a horror movie! I feel its time to take a stand, and insist on some basic respect from both kids1 Its a long story, but I am truly sick and tired of being taken advantage of. Daddy gives in to whatever, usually I don't even know WTH is going on until way later. He isn't teaching them anything except they can get whatever they want. Oh, well.....Daddy doesn't have to know about little princess lost retainer....unless she wants it bad enought to....whine to Daddy, then, well, that shows she wants a new retainer, however, by the time I find out the money's been spent
First, the bolded part. I don't know the backstory that folks keep alluding to in this post, just what I have read in this post. But so far, this is the second time you have blamed "Daddy" for something. I don't know if you guys just have a screwy relationship or if you're seperated or divorced, but blaming the other parent only goes so far. At some point, you have to take some responsibility for it too. I imagine there is a lot of dysfunction in your family and that you also blame "Daddy" in front of the kids. If so, you need to stop. Someone has to be the better person.
As far as losing the "investment," it's really her loss, not yours. You did everything you could. You can't make her put the retainers in herself and certainly you can't force them in yourself. As parents, sometimes there does come a point where we have to take a step back and say, "We've done all we can." I'd be inclined to go half in with the daughter. She can pay back in installments out of her pay check with the full understanding that next time, it's all on her. If she doesn't like the half in deal, say fine, we're done here. And stick ti it.
Don't give her lunch money for November and pay for the retainer. If you don't teach her responsibility, who will? At 16, if she hasn't learned to respect you, you're facing a big war. But this is a battle that you need to win. She works, she has money and not, it's not your responsibility to pay for orthodontics. And enforce the use of the retainer.
Yes, I really feel, after having "slept on it" to just take the money out of her lunch account I mean ALL the money, not the $50 I offered previous, that offer no longer stands. I thought I was being generous with the $50. Surprisingly, Daddy agreed, except he feels she should pay the entire amount, $175, why just $50? I said well, $50 is a large percentage of her take-home pay, enough to sting, and enough to at least offset our costs. That way, she would have an investment in taking care of the next retainer, or she would pay the full amount.
At 16, if she hasn't learned to respect you, you're facing a big war. But this is a battle that you need to win.
Yes, you are so right, she needs to learn to respect both us parents. At 16, it will be difficult, but not impossible. This reminds me of how my mother taught me to respect her. I was about 8, we were downtown shopping, and I got a new paint set. While waiting for the bus to come home, I started getting rude with her. When she told me to settle down, I said oh, what are you going to do about it? I already have my paints! Well, she said we'll see about that, and marched me off back to the store where we returned them. I learned from that day on not to disrespect her!
But, there's some differences with my kids. As I recall, my mother took me by the arm and dragged me off to the store. You can't do that nowadays, you'd get arrested for child abuse! Also, I'm not strong, like my mother was. I am disabled and use a cane, and both kids know I can't overpower them physically. They have taken advantage of that in the past. also, somehow, we got involved with CPS a long time back. Someone turned in a totally false and malicious report, it took over a year and literally thousands in legal fees to straighten out. We were subject to "invasive" counseling. The kids were encouraged to make up/embellish anything they wished, then, CPS would twist it into a charge we had to defend against. I truly wouldn't wish CPS on my worst enemy. With them, you're guilty until proven innocent, and yes, we do reside in the USA! Long story there, obviously, but just to explain how these kids got their attitude. Its not our parenting, over-coddling, giving in, etc. Its due to the kids being unjustly empowered by outside agencies that have no understanding of WTH the situation truly is.
Well, we're finally through with CPS, and the kids have aged out of their concern. But now, somehow, we're supposed to pick up the pieces. Well, both kids need to see I am simply not afraid of them. I never was afraid of them, I was afraid of the system manipulating them. Ok, well, that monster is no longer under the bed!
I will just put my foot down, and let the situation play out. I refuse to live the rest of my life in fear......and I refuse to pay for someone else's carelessness, let her see what $175 means!
Yes, I really feel, after having "slept on it" to just take the money out of her lunch account I mean ALL the money, not the $50 I offered previous, that offer no longer stands. I thought I was being generous with the $50. Surprisingly, Daddy agreed, except he feels she should pay the entire amount, $175, why just $50? I said well, $50 is a large percentage of her take-home pay, enough to sting, and enough to at least offset our costs. That way, she would have an investment in taking care of the next retainer, or she would pay the full amount.[/b]
I think given what you have said about "Daddy" in this thread, you should let him have this one. If he really wants her to pay the entire amount, I'd say go for it. It sounds like you guys argue about things a lot or maybe you just hold some resentment toward him for reasons I'm not aware of. But if he's say she needs to pay the full amount, I'd advise you to say, "You know, I think you're right on this." It might go a long way in not only this but in other areas as well.
I think given what you have said about "Daddy" in this thread, you should let him have this one. If he really wants her to pay the entire amount, I'd say go for it. It sounds like you guys argue about things a lot or maybe you just hold some resentment toward him for reasons I'm not aware of. But if he's say she needs to pay the full amount, I'd advise you to say, "You know, I think you're right on this." It might go a long way in not only this but in other areas as well.
I think you missed her point. She is saying the father will give into the daughter and not make her pay anything. The father will let it go and pay it himself because it's easier to give into the daughter.
Yes, I really feel, after having "slept on it" to just take the money out of her lunch account I mean ALL the money, not the $50 I offered previous, that offer no longer stands. I thought I was being generous with the $50. Surprisingly, Daddy agreed, except he feels she should pay the entire amount, $175, why just $50? I said well, $50 is a large percentage of her take-home pay, enough to sting, and enough to at least offset our costs. That way, she would have an investment in taking care of the next retainer, or she would pay the full amount.
(snipped for brevity)
The OP did say that Daddy wants the kid to pay in full.
I say let her do what she wants. No replacement unless she pays for it herself. And $200.00 a month in a school lunch account is a lot of money. She can learn to pack a PBJ and an apple for herself. Millions of kids do.
She gets three sets of clothes one in the closet, one on the body, one in the hamper. She can do her own laundry. Or maybe she can pay her brother to do it for her. After all, she's got a job now, and that would give brother employment.
Time for the Princess to see how the other half lives.
Do you have a picture of her teeth, pre ortho? Maybe show her a picture and tell her you spend thousands thinking she would be more grateful and appreciative of the sacrafices you and dad made to help her with her teeth, and that it is up to her now if she cares to look like that again.
First of all if your daughter just got her braces off she should be wearing those retainers all the time except when eating. Why on earth spend thousands and thousands of dollars to throw it all away by her not wearing the reatiners and her teeth moving? She has a job, she says she wants to be an adult, she lost them, she should pay for them in full. Maybe next time she will be more careful with them.
Little brat . . . ! My response would be "this is why we can't have nice things." She can't be bothered to take care of it? At 16, you've done about all you can, short of holding her down and stuffing the retainer in her mouth. She lost it and doesn't feel it's worth replacing? OK, then -- don't replace it. SHE can pay for orthodontia when she's 30 and her teeth start slipping out of place. Ungrateful little brat . . .
And that thing about "it's MY money, why should I pay for it?" Umm . . .well, this is MY money, and I've been paying for your teeth for 16 years -- I now choose not to. And, oh, by the way, she can start buying her own clothes and start paying for her own cell phone plan, now, too, since she's so big for her britches. If she's going to treat you like room and board, then you can act like room and board. And since she can't even be responsible for a little retainer, it certain calls into question whether she is responsible enough for a drivers license . . . if she can't take care of the little things, then how can she be trusted with the big things?
As far as the DS stealing your phone? Oh, boy -- that kid would be grounded for the duration! I hate a thief, and stealing is about as low as you can go in my book. No computer, no TV, no sports, NOTHING for two weeks. Just school, church and homework.
There is a startling sense of entitlement and a deplorable lack of gratitude in your kids. I think a few sessions working the soup kitchen at a local homeless shelter or working with kids at a women's and children's shelter would be highly instructive. There, they can see kids who have NOTHING in life, who are damn grateful for a dry, safe place to sleep at night. Your kids need an attitude adjustment, and soon.
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