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There are some people who can forget about these preposterous comments and immediately move on, never giving it a second thought. But if you are more the type to mull and fret and rehash in your mind, then you need to become the type of person that can address these comments on the spot to a satisfying conclusion. Leaving the comment hanging in your mind is going to drive you nuts. So whenever you know you are in the right, and some idiot in Costco makes a ridiculous snide remark, politely confront him. In the example you gave, I would have "hit the breaks" as soon as those words came out of the man's mouth, I would have approached him with a smile and a fake friendly demeanor, asked him to explain what he meant by his comment, and then I would set him straight in a calm, collected manner. I would continue to explain why he had it wrong until he fully understood how stupid and nonsensical his comment was. During the conversation I'd latch onto any potential common ground and point out our agreement. For example if this man went off about how kids are running the house these days, I might act like I agree and segue into how my actions displayed that in fact I am in charge because I did not get the gum. If I was really offended, I would feign concerned helpfulness and warn the big-mouth that one day he's going to make a rude comment about the wrong person and wind up injured or worse. People are crazy these days don't ya know.
Honestly a quick and easy way of handling it would have been to call out to him "how is my son in charge? He wanted gum and I said no." And do the puzzled squinty eye head shake to indicate that his "observation" doesn't make any sense. Doing stuff like that will make you feel better. Leaving it unaddressed is what will drive you nuts.
I have to laugh... you're in CO. I was just thinking about this, as I swear I'm experiencing it more and more often. I have lived in multiple states and spent several years overseas, and never have I had so many people make comments about what I'm buying, what I'm wearing, etc. in public as in CO. It really blows my mind - how do people here think it's ok to start critiquing strangers aloud?
Maybe it is more of a Colorado thing. I did not notice this nearly as much when I lived in the South! I am a stay at home mom. There are A LOT of retired people living in this part of town so during the day I tend to encounter more folks with opinions and time Some of them are wonderful, actually. The other day an elderly man completely entertained my child by asking him questions and talking to him for about 5 minutes in Tuesday Morning as I was trying to look at something. So sweet.
I really appreciate the responses. I do think I need to learn to blow things off a little more! I can be really sensitive but it's so hard not to be defensive and offended when someone makes comments about something as personal as your parenting skills.
K9 Coach-- I can totally picture myself "hitting the brakes" ha-ha! There have been times I have confronted people when they make remarks and it is usually funny to see how shocked they are. Maybe I need to do this more often but I am not sure I have the mental energy for it so I may need to make "blowing things off and not internalizing them" my new mantra for my yoga practice.
I've lived in Colorado 14 years and never once have people make comments to me in public like that. Have had no friends complain of it either. Please don't blame Colorado.......
I think these things bother us more when a lot of other things are stressing us out. I had to fly across country by myself with my son when he had just turned 2 and my father was dying. He was always a super traveler and never was a fussy baby at all, but when we were landing, his ears must have started to hurt and he cried for a few minutes. Jeez, you'd think the lady next to us had been listening to it for the entire 5 hours the way she was sighing and giving me dirty looks. I really wanted to tell her that as bad as listening to a baby cry for a few minutes was, it couldn't possibly be as bad as knowing you father was about to pass away (he died a few hours after we landed) and that your husband didn't think it was important enough to make it necessary to fly back with you. It really steamed me, but I think it was mostly because forcing myself to cheerfully keep my son busy and distracted on the long flight while trying to keep it together emotionally had just totally drained me. To this day I'm surprised I didn't tell her off, but I'm glad I didn't. She wasn't worth wasting what little energy I had.
"well, I guess we know who is in charge in that household!!"
My reply would be--"you're darned right I am, and I wouldn't have it any other way."
I do notice this--people that age are often-times now doing the grand-parenting thing, and apparently have forgotten about how they were in their parenting years. They think we as the parents are supposed to spoil & indulge our children--not on your life.
Such is not always the case. Many people around here in that age bracket, seeing our our 4 & 6 year olds not act up in a restaurant, will come around & say "wow, they're very well behaved" and talk about how rowdy their own kids or grandkids are by comparison. That's always nice.
I've lived in Colorado 14 years and never once have people make comments to me in public like that. Have had no friends complain of it either. Please don't blame Colorado.......
I am not blaming Colorado. I love Colorado and have lived her most of my adult life. Would not want to live anywhere else. I am thinking we may just have more retired age people here because it is such a great place to live! That's awesome you and your firiends have never had people make comments in public like that. I bet your children are very well behaved!
I am not blaming Colorado. I love Colorado and have lived her most of my adult life. Would not want to live anywhere else. I am thinking we may just have more retired age people here because it is such a great place to live! That's awesome you and your firiends have never had people make comments in public like that. I bet your children are very well behaved!
So it's retired age people who are grumpy and telling people off in stores?
I would just ignore any comments or 'advice'. I don't really ever hear any comments (possibly people make them but I don't hear them, I tend to tune people out in public) but I do get a few judgy looks when other parents see that my kid isn't wearing a snowsuit yet (all the other kids are wearing theirs but my daughter would get too hot in one this time of year) but I just ignore those looks.
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