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"She should be a 9th grader but she's a 10th grader taking 11th and 12th grade classes"
No pressure there And now she will be getting a criminal record on top of it
I think I am beginning to feel sorry for the kid.
She's an 11th grader this year. She was a 10th grader taking 11th/12th grade classes last year. This year, she's taking mostly AP classes.
She's in the classes she's in because she simply was that advanced. She has never been pushed. I did move her from our local school after 1st grade because they had her, literally, sitting off to the side doing her own thing "waiting for the other kids to catch up". I moved her to a school with a G&T program. Two years later, she tested 6th - 9th grade across the board so she skipped 4th grade so she could stay with the kids she seemed to identify best with, which would have been a great move if this program had continued past 6th grade and this group could have just stayed together. When she moved back to our local school in 7th grade, she tested out of algebra. We made her take it anyway. In 8th grade, she started taking high school classes. She has enough credits to graduate in January but won't because we've held off on her taking 12th grade government so they can't make her graduate (she wants to do the whole senior year thing...cheering, homecoming, prom..., though after this she may want to rethink that and just finish high school this year and head to college next year.). She can blow off her senior year if she wants.
Her AP schedule was her choosing. I tried to talk her into dropping two AP classes as I think 4 AP classes plus anatomy and physiology with cheer, tumbling and piano is a bit much. She choked on two AP classes last year because she finally reached the point that she has to work to succeed and simply didn't know how. She'd never had to do more than a few homework problems to ace a test before. She's doing better this year but overwhelmed by the work load. We tried to warn her. She wants a killer 11th grade year to make up for 10th grade. She has, quite likely, bitten off more than she can chew with all the AP classes. The only thing I make her do is continue piano because she is very talented and it would be a waste to throw that away.
Last edited by Ivorytickler; 11-06-2013 at 04:28 PM..
No. Not the issue at all. Dh does not believe he has a drinking problem. He doesn't think he's ever had a drinking problem. He just parents dd#2 with a baseball bat. He always has. She's not allowed to step out of line.
So your family dynamic appears to be DD1 (who can do no right in your eyes based on years of your posts here) and DH (who seems incapable of anything positive either - even good intentions are not believed by you) vs you and DD2 ( both of whom are not to be held accountable for any level of unfairness which seems to constantly plague your lives). You and your husband seem to use these children as pawns and ammo to hurt each other. How incredibly sad for all of you. I cannot imagine life in your house to be pleasant for anyone. Can't say as I blame DD1 for getting out. She may be the sanest one of the bunch of you.
Not true at all. She already drinks and goes to parties. Not allowed to step out of line? She doesn't stay in line. And in a previous thread, you told her yourself that a C she got in 10th grade was going to keep her out of med school. You want to sit her and blame your husband, but you apparently don't see anything you yourself do wrong.
Your daughter has some serious issues that if they are not corrected could kill her. Time to stop the wacky obsession with her cheerleading.
You're twisting the post. It's she can't step out of line without being clobbered. Saturday was a typical Dh reaction to dd messing up. Don't handle it a home....have her arrested.... Elevate it to the level where you cause the most pain and humiliation no matter what it costs. It's his MO with her.
Yeah, she needs to stop going to parties. Any parties. She's shown she can't go to them and be trusted not to drink. As far as I know, she does not drink when not at parties. I see the parties as the problem and her social life needing to be shut down.
She's an 11th grader this year. She was a 10th grader taking 11th/12th grade classes last year. This year, she's taking mostly AP classes.
She's in the classes she's in because she simply was that advanced. She has never been pushed. I did move her from our local school after 1st grade because they had her, literally, sitting off to the side doing her own thing "waiting for the other kids to catch up". I moved her to a school with a G&T program. Two years later, she tested 6th - 9th grade across the board so she skipped 4th grade so she could stay with the kids she seemed to identify best with, which would have been a great move if this program had continued past 6th grade and this group could have just stayed together. When she moved back to our local school in 7th grade, she tested out of algebra. We made her take it anyway. In 8th grade, she started taking high school classes. She has enough credits to graduate in January but won't because we've held off on her taking 12th grade government so they can't make her graduate (she wants to do the whole senior year thing...cheering, homecoming, prom..., though after this she may want to rethink that and just finish high school this year and head to college next year.). She can blow off her senior year if she wants.
Her AP schedule was her choosing. I tried to talk her into dropping two AP classes as I think 4 AP classes plus anatomy and physiology with cheer, tumbling and piano is a bit much. She choked on two AP classes last year because she finally reached the point that she has to work to succeed and simply didn't know how. She'd never had to do more than a few homework problems to ace a test before. She's doing better this year but overwhelmed by the work load. We tried to warn her. She wants a killer 11th grade year to make up for 10th grade. She has, quite likely, bitten off more than she can chew with all the AP classes. The only thing I make her do is continue piano because she is very talented and it would be a waste to throw that away.
Seriously, who is in charge in your household? DD #2 or the parents?
Seriously, who is in charge in your household? DD #2 or the parents?
Her parents but I'm not going to tell her what classes to take. I'll tell her why I think she shouldn't take the kind of load she did but she insisted and now she has to deal with that. She didn't want to listen to us or her counselor. Hopefully, she'll learn something along the way.
I see kids in my classes like her too. The parents and counselor want the student in consumer chemistry but they insist on taking college prep chemistry. Sometimes they fail. Sometimes they bust butt and succeed but either way they learn something about themselves. Dd is learning a lot about what she can and cannot handle with school right now. Honestly, college will be a piece of cake after this. 4 AP classes is one hell of a load and she has anatomy and physiology on top of that. It was her choice and her consequences. School is her job to manage. I'm only stepping in if she does something stupid like her brother who decided to opt out of the college bound track because he was tired of homework. Taking 4 AP classes isn't stupid either way this plays out. Either she'll figure out how to succeed against the odds or learn her limits. It's good either way.
Oh, and I'm one of those parents who doesn't check their child's work. I wait for the report card. Education is her job. I expect her to do decent job with it. Yeah, her grades aren't where I'd like to see them but this is her battle to fight not mine. She needs to learn to do what it takes to succeed or she will not make it through college. It would have been best if she'd learned this before high school but it would be worse if she had to learn it in college.
You're twisting the post. It's she can't step out of line without being clobbered. Saturday was a typical Dh reaction to dd messing up. Don't handle it a home....have her arrested.... Elevate it to the level where you cause the most pain and humiliation no matter what it costs. It's his MO with her.
Yeah, she needs to stop going to parties. Any parties. She's shown she can't go to them and be trusted not to drink. As far as I know, she does not drink when not at parties. I see the parties as the problem and her social life needing to be shut down.
Step up and be a parent and stop allowing her to go to parties where alcohol is served.
You're twisting the post. It's she can't step out of line without being clobbered. Saturday was a typical Dh reaction to dd messing up. Don't handle it a home....have her arrested.... Elevate it to the level where you cause the most pain and humiliation no matter what it costs. It's his MO with her.
Yeah, she needs to stop going to parties. Any parties. She's shown she can't go to them and be trusted not to drink. As far as I know, she does not drink when not at parties. I see the parties as the problem and her social life needing to be shut down.
The parties are not the problem. Your daughter has a problem (alcohol abuse v acting out or perhaps both). But keep putting band-aids on it. It boggles my mind that you want to send her off to college in this condition. Really?
A part of me thinks you are attempting to live through your kids. Their accomplishments (or lack of) seems to be your identity. Step away and really take stock here. You push one achiever to the point that she cracks then you attempt to tell her to slow down. On the other hand you push one who is clearly not comfortable and she blows up at you. You are not your kids and stop trying to make them into something that you have cut out for her.
Her parents but I'm not going to tell her what classes to take. I'll tell her why I think she shouldn't take the kind of load she did but she insisted and now she has to deal with that. She didn't want to listen to us or her counselor. Hopefully, she'll learn something along the way.
Well why not? You are not only her mother, but you are a teacher. Sounds to me like you have let DD15 run wild both at home and school. That's is fine and dandy until it isn't. She needs parents now, something which it seems neither you nor your DH have done much of until now as she has not pushed back against your unrealistic expectation. Well now is the time to step up.
So what has happened to the forgotten daughter (DD1)? As usual, this has turned into a thread about DD2 for the most part. I have read most of your other threads and let me just say that you have a 'complicated' relationship with your daughters. Based on what I've read, I believe that DD1 left because of the family situation. I hope that she can find some peace and support; if not with this boyfriend, then with some other people in her new life.
As for DD2, you need to stop being her friend and making excuses for her. She is drinking underage which is a crime in all states. She has been lucky up to this point not to have killed someone or been raped. Maybe her father over reacted by taking her to the police station but what's done is done. If she feels that her life is over because she can not drink to relive stress, then grounding her won't do anything.
DD2 is not ready for college emotionally or academically. She's gotten all A's so far so she never learned how to study? Do you really think that' s going to happen in college? Things will just come easy to her because she skipped a couple of grades and was labeled gifted? She's going to be with people who are just as smart or smarter than she is. And you want her to go away to college at 16? If she can't handle stress now without drinking and she lives with you, what do you think will happen when she's on her own? Do you want to get a call from the police saying that she's killed someone while she was drunk? Or worse, that she's dead due to an alcoholic accident?
As everyone else has stated: Take this as a wake up call and get help for your family before it is to late.
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And now she will be getting a criminal record on top of it 
