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I'm not THAT old, I'm only 30, but at 15 I recall that I was not allowed to go to such parties, as a 15 year old girl. 15 year old girls can hang out at friend's homes, yack on the phone, go to the mall on the bus with their friends, maybe get dropped off at the movies or amusement park on weekends. What is wrong with that? That sounds like an acceptable alternative for a young girl who clearly can't control herself around parties/drinking.
I'm genuinely shocked out how permissive you are as a parent to such a young girl, when your posts in the education section gave me the impression of someone extremely strict towards youth.
UGH. To HER it does. Honestly, parties are common here. Someone is throwing one every weekend. It's what the kids do so to HER that's what this will feel like. So yes, it's a punishment not to be able to go to parties.
I assure you that there are kids doing other things. Bowling, movies and game rooms are popular in my area. My teens have active social lives and they do not go to many parties.
I'm not THAT old, I'm only 30, but at 15 I recall that I was not allowed to go to such parties, as a 15 year old girl. 15 year old girls can hang out at friend's homes, yack on the phone, go to the mall on the bus with their friends, maybe get dropped off at the movies or amusement park on weekends. What is wrong with that? That sounds like an acceptable alternative for a young girl who clearly can't control herself around parties/drinking.
I have a 14 year old son. He is not permitted to go to these drinking parties. He can go to his friends houses and hang out. He can go to a movie, or bowling. He can go to a game room or laser tag.
UGH. To HER it does. Honestly, parties are common here. Someone is throwing one every weekend. It's what the kids do so to HER that's what this will feel like. So yes, it's a punishment not to be able to go to parties.
Part of the problem is her skipping two grades. She's not emotionally mature enough to socialize with the older children. She'll have the same problem in college if she goes too young. I know a girl who graduated high school at 16 and went to CMU the same year. She lasted a year because she didn't fit in socially. Her parents sent her to France for two year enrichment and she returned to college at a normal age afterwards. Your daughter is not ready for high school parties. She's definitely not ready to go off to college in a year or so.
I think is this particular forum, "the parenting forum" and the environment you all created here.
I am surprised with some of the harsh posts I read here. Just because they don't agree with your behavior there is really no need to call you a bad parent and even a psychopath. My wild guess is either some people in this forum are very judgmental or they don 't like you because of something you said in the past.
Dear Posters:
Some of the comments are very hurtful. That tone just gets people in defensive mode and nothing will get accomplished. Most people are unable to listen to others when they feel attacked. It 's a natural defense mechanism.
I think there should be a rule in this forum where people should not be allowed to evaluate other's people parenting skills. One thing is to suggest a method could end up with more damaging results than benefits but another is to play Judge Judy and tell a poster that they were a failure. Some of you are engaging in personal attacks.
Agreed. Even though my kids are grown, I've had people on here tell me they're going to end up under a bridge b/c of some of my ideas; if I didn't do it "their way". Now my parenting skills have been proven, so to speak, b/c my kids are grown and self--sufficient. I wasn't perfect, and there are other ways to do things that work as well. But for Pity's sake, guys, have a heart!
You can see from this thread why I seldom post when I need support, which was what I needed here. This is not a place to find support (I do thank those who have offered it. It was really needed and appreciated. This is a rough time for me and my family.). It will be a long time before I make this mistake again. There is good reason to not disclose too much personal information here. Sometimes I forget that we are not friends. Just anonymous posters on an internet forum. It's not a mistake I make often but when I do, I'm painfully and quickly reminded of that fact. People attack on a forum because they can do so and hide behind a screen name. They can let their ugly out without fear of repercussions IRL. It is interesting to watch though. People showing their true colors. Kicking when someone is down because there's no one IRL watching. They have no one but the person in the mirror to answer to. I learned long ago that this isn't a place one can come to for support. I just forget every now and again. The situation with dd is not one I care to discuss with people IRL so I came here. I won't make that mistake again any time soon.
Sorry you feel that way. One thing you will get here is brutal honesty. For a family very obviously in crisis I would think that would be necessary and helpful. If you just wanted people to agree with you and give you a big hug (something you very seldom ever do for other posters I may add) then you should have stated so.
You are going through a very trying time. You are also getting a lot of opinions. Some may be very different from what you're thinking.
I'm learning that when going through trials we tend to get tunnel vision. Use the opinions of those here to widen that tunnel. It can only help.
My other piece of advice is going to be to tell you to take a break from this all. Even if only enough time for a dinner out with friends. It's a great thing and helps to see that life is more than our current crises.
Leave the dd with a family member and go. It will do you a world of good.
I'm not THAT old, I'm only 30, but at 15 I recall that I was not allowed to go to such parties, as a 15 year old girl. 15 year old girls can hang out at friend's homes, yack on the phone, go to the mall on the bus with their friends, maybe get dropped off at the movies or amusement park on weekends. What is wrong with that? That sounds like an acceptable alternative for a young girl who clearly can't control herself around parties/drinking.
That's what fifteen-year-old kids did, and still do, around here.
UGH. To HER it does. Honestly, parties are common here. Someone is throwing one every weekend. It's what the kids do so to HER that's what this will feel like. So yes, it's a punishment not to be able to go to parties.
What you just said right here is what people are concerned about. That is not normal. It is not normal for the only social outlets for a teen to be cheer and parties. If she honestly thinks that the only way for her to have a social life is to go to parties and get drunk she has serious problems. That is something you should be worried about. The fact that you aren't worried about it is odd.
Last edited by psr13; 11-11-2013 at 09:05 AM..
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