Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
1 Taxes, probably doesn't make up for the extra money we spend.
2 Legal slavery, walking to the fridge to get my drink is too damn hard.
3 Dieting, they LOVE your food and will eat all of it.
4 Entertainment, they do so stupid things.
5 Surprise, you will be surprised by how destructive and obnoxious they are.
6 Mystery, what's that smell? What's that sound?
7 Creativity, I would have never thought poop would make such great crayons.
8 Education, you'll be forced to answer numerous idiotic questions, and some you'll google.
9 Going shopping, buying $200 worth of clothes to be vomited on, then quickly outgrown.
10 Personal reflection, you'll never do anything with friends again.
I'm a newly father of twin girls.......I'm 32 and married and for the first 30 years of my life, was determined Never to bring a kid into this screwed up world. We also held out from having kids until we felt we were financially and emotionally secure.
I'm here to tell you, the OP, that all the cliche's you've heard are true!
There's no better feeling than having them in my arms in the morning when they wake up....playing and crawling all over us. I wouldn't trade that feeling for anything in the world!
1 Taxes, probably doesn't make up for the extra money we spend.
2 Legal slavery, walking to the fridge to get my drink is too damn hard.
3 Dieting, they LOVE your food and will eat all of it.
4 Entertainment, they do so stupid things.
5 Surprise, you will be surprised by how destructive and obnoxious they are.
6 Mystery, what's that smell? What's that sound?
7 Creativity, I would have never thought poop would make such great crayons.
8 Education, you'll be forced to answer numerous idiotic questions, and some you'll google.
9 Going shopping, buying $200 worth of clothes to be vomited on, then quickly outgrown.
10 Personal reflection, you'll never do anything with friends again.
The prevailing sentiment seems to be that rational analysis would dictate foregoing reproduction, but emotional tugs and biological programming prevail. Then, once one becomes a parent, the “purpose” of life becomes clear.
From this I glean that (1) we’re slaves to our biology, and (2) the “purpose” of life is to procreate, so that the next generation can procreate, and so forth. But is this really a satisfying – or salutary? – scheme for living life? Is perpetual continuity itself our prime purpose, and if so, does this not imply that human life is essentially a sham and the ultimate self-delusion?
Parents will say that the experiences of parenthood are ineffably transformative, that they so reorient one’s perceptions and priorities and capacity to comprehend, that non-parents are simply not equipped to reasonably behold such transformation. One hears the same from devoutly religious people, remarking how atheists simply can not behold the fundamental emotional and cognitive transformation made possible by sincere faith, and how theistic perspective accords an utterly new clarity and purpose.
Parenthood and religious conversion are very similar. Both require stunning leaps of faith. Both appear pre-transformation to be illogical and unacceptably risky. And once-transformed, the new converts gush with ebullience on how suddenly now life is meaningful, beautiful and pure.
My view is essentially nihilistic. Those who search for meaning and purpose and the like, might indeed find it in religion or parenthood, for they crave the filling of a gap, believing however inchoately that such a gap indeed exists and begs for resolution. Then perhaps this grand leap of faith is justified, regardless of the lengthy and seemingly overbearing list of cons. But if there is no such gap – or worse, if one believes that all such gaps are illusory and the very posing of such questions is phony and idiotic – then the list of cons is weighty indeed, and under that weight, it would be stupid to venture with a leap of faith.
My first kid was an accident and it changed our lives. Not for the better, but not for the worse. Just different.
The second and final kid (wife is spayed now) was planned...by her.
Trying to fill a gap is a horrible reason to have a kid. Selfishness. Selfishness is the last thing a parent needs.
The wife and I are very happily married for 3 years with no kids. All of our friends have had kids, some on number 2 and 3! We always thought we would eventually have them when we were "ready" but neither of us have a huge desire yet. She has turned 32 and we always thought if we had kids, we would have two.
Well we would like to have healthy kids and obviously the longer you wait the more risky it gets.
At her being 32 and me being 31 there is still no real huge desire to have kids other then the fact that were getting older and it will be more difficult down the road.
I have a tough time seeing benefits of having kids personally. for every one benefit i can think of like 100 negatives.
But I still ask myself, will I be missing out on something great?
So we are both seriously on the fence about this.
It would make it easier for me if she was 100% ready, but she is not.
Im more looking for good positive reasons to have kids. I know I will get responses like, it sounds like you dont really want them so dont have them.
So for those of you that have kids, could you list the top 10 positive things about having kids? (maybe that will help?)
Unconditional love does not count, we know that Is a lie...
Unconditional love is NOT a lie
The thing is, you can sit back and think of reasons not to have kids all day long.
And many of those reasons are very valid and very real things.
But the funny thing about most of them is this, once your own child is here and you've fallen completely, thoroughly in love with him or her - NONE of those reasons matter a whit to you.
I could sit here and try to tell you how amazing it feels to have your own child, but until you experience it for yourself you won't listen.
So I'll just say this....as long as you don't actually hate or loath kids - truly despise them - and you love your wife more than life itself, having a child could be one of the most glorious, rewarding things to ever happen to you
I'm a newly father of twin girls.......I'm 32 and married and for the first 30 years of my life, was determined Never to bring a kid into this screwed up world. We also held out from having kids until we felt we were financially and emotionally secure.
I'm here to tell you, the OP, that all the cliche's you've heard are true!
There's no better feeling than having them in my arms in the morning when they wake up....playing and crawling all over us. I wouldn't trade that feeling for anything in the world!
I would not a child in your case. You are at the best moment to enjoy your freedom together. A child would certainly ruin the good life you both have. I've seen it countless times before.
Besides, you don't seem very excited about having children.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,700 posts, read 41,718,665 times
Reputation: 41376
Quote:
Originally Posted by chris410
Good stuff, thanks guys.
The wife actually just said to me after I posted this, that maybe we should wait it out a little longer till were not on the fence so much.
I feel like I question myself so much about this, that saying Im not going to have kids is just as hard as saying I want to have kids. very split on the decision. I think we will both make great parents so that is not a concern, we just both currently are very happy with our lives and our marriage as is and throwing a kid into the mix would greatly disrupt that.
By all means if you are undecided, stand pat. Be a rare parent who goes all in when you are ready to do so.
I don't think anyone should have kids if you aren't 100% sure, it is a life altering event. It is wonderful, scary, frustrating, fun, fulfilling, heart breaking and a love you can never imagine.
It brings you and your spouse closer together, further apart, madly in love, and crazy. It is a road that is never the same for any couple. Do what you and your spouse want, not what the 'top ten reasons' tell you.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
