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The wife and I are very happily married for 3 years with no kids. All of our friends have had kids, some on number 2 and 3! We always thought we would eventually have them when we were "ready" but neither of us have a huge desire yet. She has turned 32 and we always thought if we had kids, we would have two.
Well we would like to have healthy kids and obviously the longer you wait the more risky it gets.
At her being 32 and me being 31 there is still no real huge desire to have kids other then the fact that were getting older and it will be more difficult down the road.
I have a tough time seeing benefits of having kids personally. for every one benefit i can think of like 100 negatives.
But I still ask myself, will I be missing out on something great?
So we are both seriously on the fence about this.
It would make it easier for me if she was 100% ready, but she is not.
Im more looking for good positive reasons to have kids. I know I will get responses like, it sounds like you dont really want them so dont have them.
So for those of you that have kids, could you list the top 10 positive things about having kids? (maybe that will help?)
Unconditional love does not count, we know that Is a lie...
I encourage all to stay the course and skip the kids train. Parents have so very little influence over kids these days. It is a true miracle if a kid develops into an adult that would have an effective and affective positive role in your life. Look around. In almost all areas of the world we have an excess of people. We as a species need to step up and focus on this issue.
neither of us have a huge desire yet. She has turned 32 and we always thought if we had kids, we would have two.
You still have several years to decide. I had my first when I was 38 (wife was 30) and I had my last (who is now 6) when I was 46.
Other reasons:
Tax benefits (though it will cost you $69 to save $1)
Estate Planning
Social Security when you get old
Satisfying your biological instincts
Make your parents happy
You'll stay fit from cleaning up messes
You'll maximize your health benefits since more people will use them
You'll maximize your home heat and air condition since more people would use them
You'll take advantage of economy of scale but buying lots of stuff
Easier to use the car pool lanes
Patience -- You will become a more patient person. You'll put your wants and needs aside and you'll actually feel good about it.
Responsibility -- I was always responsible previously but the depth of responsibility as a parent is unmatched.
Fun -- You'll get to do all sorts of things you haven't done in years. Making snowmen and snow angels, sled riding, roller skating, ice skating, dancing, singing. You'll find your inner kid and relish moments of silliness.
Finances -- I became better at financial management, investing for the future, etc. Children inspire you to do more with less or make more from nothing.
Time -- My time management skills improved dramatically. You'll never have enough time in the day, but you'll find time for what's important. You'll appreciate and fear the passing of time. You'll realize that every moment counts.
Perspective -- My perspective on life changed in many ways. I gained a broader world view through the innocent eyes of my children. They've also taught me what's truly important in life. I've learned the solution to the most complex problem is often the simplest route. Adults tend to over think things. A child can offer the most amazingly simplistic clarity that leaves you speechless with your mouth hanging open wondering why you didn't see it so clearly.
Purpose -- I truly wonder what I was doing with my life prior to having children. I never wanted children. I was totally content being child free. Once I had children, I realized my life had no purpose previously.
Intellectual stimulation -- Kids keep you on your toes. You have to stay on top of your game to stay one step ahead. They truly do grow into interesting people who have fascinating views and ideas.
Emotions -- You'll experience emotions you never knew you had. The good, the bad and the ugly.
Knowledge -- You will never know anyone as well as you do your child. Not even a spouse. You will become the smartest person in the world, then later the dumbest person in the world, and later someone who they say was always right and they were sorry they didn't take your advice.
The wife and I are very happily married for 3 years with no kids. All of our friends have had kids, some on number 2 and 3! We always thought we would eventually have them when we were "ready" but neither of us have a huge desire yet. She has turned 32 and we always thought if we had kids, we would have two.
Well we would like to have healthy kids and obviously the longer you wait the more risky it gets.
At her being 32 and me being 31 there is still no real huge desire to have kids other then the fact that were getting older and it will be more difficult down the road.
I have a tough time seeing benefits of having kids personally. for every one benefit i can think of like 100 negatives.
But I still ask myself, will I be missing out on something great?
So we are both seriously on the fence about this.
It would make it easier for me if she was 100% ready, but she is not.
Im more looking for good positive reasons to have kids. I know I will get responses like, it sounds like you dont really want them so dont have them.
So for those of you that have kids, could you list the top 10 positive things about having kids? (maybe that will help?)
Unconditional love does not count, we know that Is a lie...
Well, first, yes, you WILL be missing out on something great.
However, you are not old enough to need to hurry up and have them. 32 is still quite young. I had my first child in my 40's. You have at least 2 more years to comfortably wait. After 35 it does become more difficult, and although it's still quite possible, it's not ideal and you'll be less likely to have 2.
I don't think having kids can be broken down into pros and cons. It's not that kind of thing. It's so easy to come up with a million bad things about having kids - no time, no sex, no sleep, and so on. It's a lot of work and a lot of sacrifice.
However, you get a kid that you love more than anything else in the world. You get the next generation of your family - you get a family, in fact - and you get to join the world of families, which looks a lot better from the inside than the outside, IMO. Basically, you get to be like everyone else, and only then do you understand that when everyone does something, there's a reason for that. It's pretty much human nature to parent, and that kind of trumps all the millions of "cons" you can list.
There's really only one positive reason you should have kids -- because you and wife want them. There is nothing wrong with not having them if that's what you decide and if friends and family begin pushing you to have them, kindly tell them to shut the hell up, although I would substiture hell with another four letter word just to drive the point home a little more succintly. Too many people have kids that never should have kids... see also some of the other threads posted here lately.
I don't think having kids can be broken down into pros and cons. It's not that kind of thing. It's so easy to come up with a million bad things about having kids - no time, no sex, no sleep, and so on. It's a lot of work and a lot of sacrifice.
This.
If I have to convince you then really, why hurry?
And this is coming from someone who has a son who has been a breeze and a joy and who's company I truly enjoy to be around (he's 20 and in college - oh, hey there's another con - they get more expensive as they get older).
I wouldn't change a thing and have never had one moment of regret. But let's face it - it's a gamble - you can be the best parent in the world and still end up with heart break. There are no guarantees. So it really needs to be something that you are both 100% ready for.
There is nothing wrong or bad about not being ready or never being ready.
Get a couple cats. They can be very entertaining too. Especially when you've got a dog
The decision to have kids was not something I thought about, it just happened. And I am glad it happened that way, because trying to process if you really want these needy, expensive things, is crazy making. There are so many other things to do, travel, live in a city loft, work a crazy job with travel, go to grad school...
I am glad I have my kids, I love them, and feel like they added a lot to my life. But, logically processing whether or not to have one... I think I would have said anyone who wants one is nuts!
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