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My son noticed when he was about 4
We were at our favorite restaurant, and they had a waitress who was black. He said "She's dark! I don't like her being there"
This was repeated a few times, until we had a discussion at home. He was watching a kid's TV show that had a dark skinned actress, he said "I don't like dark people" His mom and I responded with "I do" . I think that because there were only white people in our neighborhood and social group, perhaps he noticed something and had no response as a young child.
I talked a little with him, about how some people have dark skin and some have light skin but all are still people.
He appears to be over it now. He is 14, and his "girlfriend" he was hanging out with at school was black. (She moved away) He did spend a lot of time talking to her after school and invited her out once (herr parents did not let her go, maybe because my son is white?)
I am wondering if you live in a different part of the country than me because I have seen the acceptance of diversity and--yes-- physical differences grow tremendously during my lifetime. I know my father has all kinds of stories about how people when he was growing were very specifically separated by nationality, ethnicity etc. Even people with ancestors from a single small Eastern European country would have their own neighborhoods in the city, and they would not mix with people from other European countries.
By the time I was born, much of this separation and focus on sometimes small physical features that separated similar ethnicities began to ease. Even Chinatown in the city near us added businesses catering to other Asian cultures.
Then when I had kids, in the last neighborhood we lived in the block was like a mini United Nations. It was such a far cry from what my father experienced. Practically every house had someone from a different country or of a different race. There were kids of every skin color in the streets hanging out together. Whether that is embracing differences or ignoring them to me is a matter of semantics. The kids saw enough similarities among themselves that they wanted to hang out together. If they were prejudiced or afraid of the different appearances they saw, then that would prevent them from wanting to play together. I think growing up in this environment can be very helpful because the kids learn that people who look different than them still can want to play the same games and may have the same fears, dreams etc.
As for weight issues, that is another ballgame. I do think though there is also an increase in acceptance of people with physical disabilities. Years ago many people with physical disabilities were practically hidden away by their families. Today they live in society much more, and people are much more accepting of their physical differences.
I'm sorry if your kids have not had the benefit of experiencing a greater acceptance of diversity. That's a shame, but hopefully your kids can help ease that problem in your corner of the world by reaching out to other people.
Here's the thing, in my experience one can live in the most diverse community, and still be exposed to intolerance. If you or your loved ones are not a minority it's really difficult to say one way or the other what the climate of tolerance really is as you are not likely recipients of this. It's not overt sometimes, and in my experience with my family it's been odd comments here and there, often in situations where you really are limited in your ability to respond as you want to.
The bottom line for me is to teach my children about how wonderful difference is and to respect difference whether it be race, appearance, religion, beliefs, national origin, etc.
Which is why I stated that anecdotes are just that, anecdotes.
You want me to accept your experience as the predominant paradigm when it is nothing more or less than your particular experience. When you pair that with the overwhelmingly different experience of most people of color AND research on racism, showing that even young children do make different assumptions about people based on their color, than your experience becomes the outlier.
And since that is reality, that if we really want to end racism, pretending it just doesn't exist is only perpetuating it.
Some reading. Interesting because most parents seem to fall right into those "two camps"
And yes, even very young children, whose parents are just SURE they do not recognize differences DO AND when left to draw their own conclusions, are frequently drawing negative ones.
I am wondering if you live in a different part of the country than me because I have seen the acceptance of diversity and--yes-- physical differences grow tremendously during my lifetime. I know my father has all kinds of stories about how people when he was growing were very specifically separated by nationality, ethnicity etc. Even people with ancestors from a single small Eastern European country would have their own neighborhoods in the city, and they would not mix with people from other European countries.
By the time I was born, much of this separation and focus on sometimes small physical features that separated similar ethnicities began to ease. Even Chinatown in the city near us added businesses catering to other Asian cultures.
Then when I had kids, in the last neighborhood we lived in the block was like a mini United Nations. It was such a far cry from what my father experienced. Practically every house had someone from a different country or of a different race. There were kids of every skin color in the streets hanging out together. Whether that is embracing differences or ignoring them to me is a matter of semantics. The kids saw enough similarities among themselves that they wanted to hang out together. If they were prejudiced or afraid of the different appearances they saw, then that would prevent them from wanting to play together. I think growing up in this environment can be very helpful because the kids learn that people who look different than them still can want to play the same games and may have the same fears, dreams etc.
As for weight issues, that is another ballgame. I do think though there is also an increase in acceptance of people with physical disabilities. Years ago many people with physical disabilities were practically hidden away by their families. Today they live in society much more, and people are much more accepting of their physical differences.
I'm sorry if your kids have not had the benefit of experiencing a greater acceptance of diversity. That's a shame, but hopefully your kids can help ease that problem in your corner of the world by reaching out to other people.
I live in the NE, with family in Hawaii. Some of the most racially diverse areas in the country.
Last edited by Jaded; 11-22-2013 at 11:06 PM..
Reason: Removed self segregation comment
Life is stranger than fiction and I couldn't make this up in a million years. This was one of the oddest experiences I encountered during my four years as a kindergarten teacher:
Years ago, I taught kindergarten at an inner-city elementary school and 98% of my students were Black Americans. The school was closed the following day as it was MLK's birthday and we were drawing pictures of Dr. King to take home to their parents. One of my students asked why people couldn't choose what race they wanted to be. I asked him what race in particular he wanted to be other than his own and he said "I want to be a black person for a little while." When I pointed out that he was already a handsome black American little boy, his eyes goggled and he looked at me as if I had lost my mind and said "What? I thought I was Asian!" Than most of my class looked at me in horror and said, "Are we black too, we thought we were Asians!" I didn't immediately have a response, but I said "Anyone who thinks they are Asians, please raise your hands," and more than half of the class did! To this day, I don't know what their parents did, or obviously did not, tell them and I didn't want to step on any toes by discussing it in great detail without knowing their parents' wishes. I have no idea where they got the idea they were Asian unless they were confusing it with some people using the term "African American."
By the way, I never said that my experience was the predominant paradigm. (I fully understand that my experience is not necessarily the norm outside of my area.) It was, however, my experience and why I take great issue to the statement that white parents don't have to teach their kids about race because of negativity. Absolutes likes that are not a good thing to perpetuate.
at school. unfortunately bully behavior is often first discovery and a lasting impression. the school attempt to get rid of this behavior will help race relations greatly.
This is actually interesting, I bought my daughter a black doll when she was about 2 years old. I was trying to raise her color blind, and all that. She never played with that doll. I asked her why one day, and she told me, at age 4, that the doll was "bad". She could not tell me why that doll was "bad", but she did not like that doll.
So much for trying that great experiment in Sociology. I am not really sure why she felt that way...
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