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I'm sorry, I just don't get the gender equality arguments here. Nor do I agree with the association being made between respect for the opposite sex and sexism. If one truly feels as such then I'd argue there are underlying issues at play. None of which have anything to do with this thread.
Men and women are NOT the same. Biologically, physically, and psychologically. There are TWO sexes in the human race; not one. This is for a reason and it's futile to try to trump mother nature with loaded words or phrases disguised to create sameness out of what is naturally different...the sexes!
Look, I'm a feminist. Was raised by feminist parents...who BOTH taught me that leaving the house at the sound of a horn, the reading of a text, the voice on the other end of the phone, or at hearing my name from outside of the home; telling me that he was "here," was unacceptable and showed a clear lack of respect for me as well as my parents. His being a boy had nothing to do with it. If I were a lesbian and was dating a girl/woman, the same values applied.
I don't see why it has nothing to do with the thread. We are talking about the influence parents have raising their children and the attitudes with which they are present in.
I would simply ask you. Would it be any more appropriate for a girl to honk her horn and announce I am here if she were arriving to pick up a boy?
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So please, stop with the whole, Annie Get Your Gun, GI Jane, "Anything you can do I can do better!" defensiveness...
I suppose some of us may be saying that. I hope that is not all you are hearing.
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it's not what the thread is about really. Substitute the "girls" for "boys" in the OP and the question still remains: Can your child be picked up from your home at the sound of a horn? Receipt of a text? Or, phone call from outside by his/her date without ever coming in to meet you as his/her parents?
In our house, nadda! Not appropriate. Rude, uncouth, and disrespectful. I repeat, my parents are feminists, as am I!
Bingo. That was precisely what I was trying to clarify.
You seem to be describing an overprotective bubble where your children barely speak to people you haven't met. By the time they are old enough to drive, they should know how to protect their own safety. It's our job to teach our children how to function on their own. They need practice before they turn 18. If a 16 year old is such an airhead that he/she can't be trusted to make basic decisions, I'd be looking into social security disability for being mentally challenged.
Open communication is the key. My children always felt comfortable telling me anything. I always knew where they were going, who they were with, who they met, and what the people were like. My children would always tell me about their day and the people they know. By 16, I didn't need to meet them in person right away. By that age, I already knew my children had good common sense and the skills to navigate in the world. This is the age of parents easing into the mentor role.
Then why bother having anyone come to the door at all?
The entire first paragraph flies in the face of every post made about how making the date come to the door is about safety.
The dates should come in the house so we can speak with them, see who they are, get a feel of how serious they are and set the time when they bring the daughter home.
I don;t know who said this but if the the guy looks suspicious, my better half should casually invite him downstairs and show him the gun collection
Then why bother having anyone come to the door at all?
The entire first paragraph flies in the face of every post made about how making the date come to the door is about safety.
I don't recall saying it has much to do with safety. I like to meet their friends for many other reasons. By 16, I was confident my children knew how to protect themselves from mortal danger. There were times they went out with people I didn't have a chance to meet because I wasn't home or they went out straight after getting off of work. I would eventually meet them because my children and their friends were very comfortable hanging out at our house, even as older teens. They gave me pertinent information about their plans and who they were with because I taught them it's a smart thing for even adults to relay this information. I used myself and my husband as examples---pointing out that we both always let the rest of the family know where we are, what we're doing, who we are with, and what time we would likely be home. It came naturally to them because they grew up being open this way. I expected my children and their friends, male and female, to go to the door because it's well-mannered and respectful.
The dates should come in the house so we can speak with them, see who they are, get a feel of how serious they are and set the time when they bring the daughter home.
Why set the time with the date? Doesn't your daughter know when she's supposed to be home? I held my kids responsible for themselves.
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Originally Posted by DewDropInn
I never understand this attitude.
If the guy looks so suspicious the father has to say, "Look. I have weapons." why would you allow your daughter to go out with him?
My daughter is past the dating stage, but if a boy ever came to pick her up for a date without coming to the door, there would not be a date for long. Nobody is going to take the fun of interrogating, harassing, and basically scaring the living daylights out of the lad. I miss those days something terrible.
I would think very poorly of a young man who thought so little of my daughter that he thought he parents opinion of him matter more than hers.
Life is not stories. Girls do not need to be protected from themselves, their own opinions or their sexuality.
First off, you are assuming that the girl has not knowledge of what the boys intent is. Every boy that has asked any girls parents has allready asked the girl by this time. Every girl that has respect for herself and has been taught by loving parents that boys need to ask the parents and get to know them first will respect the boy more when he does ask the parents.
Girls need to realize that society once hoisted them on pedestels. They need to realize that they have self worth and that boys will respect that self worth. It is not about protection it is about elevating the young ladies to their rightfull place on earth. If a guy can not treat a girl like the Princess that she is then the guy is not showing the girl how important that she is to him. When people talk about having a girl on the same level as the boy what they are really doing is bringing the girl down to the boys level.
When a rule is in place and that rule is respected the girl has so much more respect for the boy.
As far as sexuality, I am under the impression that this is a discussion on dating, not sleeping around.
This is silliness. A girl (or boy) should not have to ask the parent for a date. They are not dating the parent.
You have never met your daughters dates then? You don't care who they are with or what they are doing? That amazes me.
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