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My girls are years away from dating but when they do the guys will be required to come inside, say hello, turn their pockets out and be frisked- well maybe not that bad but I do want to see who they will be going out with. And I will require they write down his name and phone number.
Do parents do that anymore? no kid is going to honk on his horn in the driveway and expect my daughter to run to him.
Saw a study today which said NO girls in the questionnaire had been asked out face to face. It is all done by e mail or phone these days! What kind of social interaction is that? I know the fear of rejection is terrible but we all have to live through that somewhere in life.
Bwahaha! This is the 21st century. Back in the dark ages when my mom was in high school it was perfectly acceptable to phone a girl and ask her out. why wouldn't an email or phone call be acceptable today? And now I can text my dd and she can text me...not like the days when I was dating and relied solely the quarters in my purse to communicate with my parents. When we walked out the door our parents had no way to contact us.
As for the boy coming to the door...does your daughter not know how to drive a car? Because mine does, and her father provided her with a car, so when she goes out with friends OR on a date, she is most likely the one driving. And I prefer it that way because she is a decent driver. In our state, she is not supposed to be driving past 9pm unless she is driving home from work for the first year she has her license.
I don't meet all the boys she goes out with prior to the first date, but I know her friends, they hang out at my house, and she chats with me about what goes on at school so I have a sense of her social circle. I've met almost every boy she ever dated at some point and have never disapproved. Sometimes I've been amused, and sometimes wonder what she sees in a particular guy, but no one has been questionable.
Your daughters are not your property, they are human beings who were presumably raised to understand your values and goals. Treat them as if they will succeed in the real world, not as if you expect them to screw up.
Bwahaha! This is the 21st century. Back in the dark ages when my mom was in high school it was perfectly acceptable to phone a girl and ask her out. why wouldn't an email or phone call be acceptable today? And now I can text my dd and she can text me...not like the days when I was dating and relied solely the quarters in my purse to communicate with my parents. When we walked out the door our parents had no way to contact us.
As for the boy coming to the door...does your daughter not know how to drive a car? Because mine does, and her father provided her with a car, so when she goes out with friends OR on a date, she is most likely the one driving. And I prefer it that way because she is a decent driver. In our state, she is not supposed to be driving past 9pm unless she is driving home from work for the first year she has her license.
I don't meet all the boys she goes out with prior to the first date, but I know her friends, they hang out at my house, and she chats with me about what goes on at school so I have a sense of her social circle. I've met almost every boy she ever dated at some point and have never disapproved. Sometimes I've been amused, and sometimes wonder what she sees in a particular guy, but no one has been questionable.
Your daughters are not your property, they are human beings who were presumably raised to understand your values and goals. Treat them as if they will succeed in the real world, not as if you expect them to screw up.
I don't think anyone expects them to screw up. I think it's a matter of parental respect.
Further, kids go missing every day, at all ages. I'd really like to know who they are leaving with just for reference. It's not like I've ever met one of their dates or friends and said no, you're not leaving with them.
My daughter just turned 11, so hopefully I still have a few years or more before I have to deal with that. Yes, I would want the boy to come into the house and meet me and the family, find out where they were going, and basically show him I have a vested interest in what he does and where he goes with my daughter.
I don't think anyone expects them to screw up. I think it's a matter of parental respect.
Further, kids go missing every day, at all ages. I'd really like to know who they are leaving with just for reference. It's not like I've ever met one of their dates or friends and said no, you're not leaving with them.
I think you have the wrong idea.
Which part of my post was the 'wrong idea'? the notion that in a modern age boys don't always do the driving? Or that electronic communication is not disrespectful? Or that I don't need to demand that I meet every single person my daughter spends time with in a social setting?
My daughters respect me and my opinions about their friends, because I have worked from the very beginning to know the people in our 'village'. I've always had pretty high standards...my kids were not allowed on trampolines or to see just any movie and I paid attention to what was allowed in other homes. Sometimes I was not popular with other parents when I inquired about supervision in their home. I have not hesitated to discuss unacceptable situations with my kids, even if it was the parent's behavior in question and not the kids'. Sad to say, I've seen some parents make some pretty questionable choices and I do not believe in glossing that over just because they are parents. We've talked about these things all along, and My girls have proven to me that they know what I expect.
We were very fortunate to have adults around us who spoke to my kids like they were people. So at 16 and 13 both my girls can meet the parents of others with poise. My oldest in particular is a big favorite with the parents of her friends. If she goes to pick up a boy for a date, I consider that boy LUCKY because I know she will impress the heck out of those parents and raise THEIR expectations.
It is also unreasonable to expect (in a world of single parent families) that I will always be sitting at home on the couch waiting for her date to show up so I can make sure he came to the door instead of honking. I work for a living and so does my exhusband. Often her 'dates' involve going for a smoothie after school, so I can't stick to the ritual of him coming to the door in that case, can I?
In the scenario that No Kudzu presented, imagining the future with a particular set of rules in mind is impractical and a bit unrealistic. Heck, we all had notions about parenting that got lost when reality presented itself. I thought my kids would sleep at night and not eat candy, and things did not always work out the way I thought they would.
Kids don't really have "dates" the way it is being described in the OP.
If a kid is going out on a "date" then it is usually with a boyfriend/girlfriend and at that point I would assume you have already met them. The vast majority of kids have "hung out" with their boyfriends/girlfriends quite a bit before they go out on a one on one date. Hopefully, some of that hanging out has been at your home so you can get to know the person.
Heck, many of them don't have a real date until they have an "anniversary" to celebrate.
I think expecting a date to come to the door is a little pointless. It is already too late in my opinion. I think you should get to know all their friends, while they are still just friends.
Do you mean that a boy doesn't phone or even text a girl and ask her to go to the movie? or a football game?
honking in the driveway has given way to texting I'm here- but it's still the same thing. It means my child is getting in a car with somebody and will be gone for a few hours. It is only the right thing to do to walk up to the door. Like a poster said- it shows a lack of respect to do otherwise-at least initially. After a relationship is established I understand a more casual approach.
And to repeat what my mother said "Just cause everybody else is doing it doesn't make it right."
Kids don't really have "dates" the way it is being described in the OP.
If a kid is going out on a "date" then it is usually with a boyfriend/girlfriend and at that point I would assume you have already met them. The vast majority of kids have "hung out" with their boyfriends/girlfriends quite a bit before they go out on a one on one date. Hopefully, some of that hanging out has been at your home so you can get to know the person.
Heck, many of them don't have a real date until they have an "anniversary" to celebrate.
I think expecting a date to come to the door is a little pointless. It is already too late in my opinion. I think you should get to know all their friends, while they are still just friends.
We're talking about car dates in this thread. Car dates happen after our children's worlds get larger and they are meeting people from outside of their initial hang out groups. I didn't date anyone from my neighborhood, school, etc. I met my dates other places. I met my first official car date while I was standing in my front yard with my girlfriend. He drove by, stopped, and we talked. He asked for my number, called and invited me out. My parents loved him. I'm still friends with him to this day---35 years later. I met other boyfriends at the roller skating rink, at my friends' houses who lived in different school districts, at work, and a billion other places. My children's experiences weren't much different. Their group of friends hung out at my house, but they met the people they wanted to date elsewhere. They viewed their opposite sex friends more like siblings.
Honestly, I'd have reservations about anyone who thinks it's appropriate to just loiter outside in a hot car while you come and run out to them
Even going to the movies with friends, if we were going to pick up one we'd go to their door, great them there, say a quick hello to their family and be on our way
On the rare occasion where we were running late and the person would be running out the door to meet us there was usually a quick wave and we were on our way and that was with people we knew really well and it was understood that it was a tuck and roll situation
I don't think it's sexist to treat a young woman like a lady.
I just find it a bit weird in this day and age of equality. I can't imagine any man over here standing up if I leave to go to the loo, or pulling my chair out for me or opening my car door. It would probably annoy me actually if they did.
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