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If a mother has the luxury of staying home and watching TV, doing yoga, volunteering at her kids school, or just sleeping all day, more power to her.
These threads always baffle me. Why on earth would anyone care how a perfect stranger spends her time? Why is it even anything to discuss or debate? Unless her kids are in the street starving and wearing rags and she still refuses to work, who cares? If her husband makes enough so that she can sit on her butt all day watching the maid clean her house, as long as her kids are taken care of, people need to mind their own business. These SAHM vs. WM battles are truly ridiculous.
The problem comes in when people want people outside of their families to value what they do. What I do as a mother is for my family. I don't care whether you value it. You don't have to.
I've always wondered at articles like this. They make SAHP's look desperate to be recognized and I just don't get that. If you're SAH for your family, it's their recognition you should be going for not mine. Articles like this make me think that the media is trying to sway our decisions with stupid math. Everyone knows that a family isn't a six figure job better off if mom SAH. Most of the time, they're struggling financially if she SAH. It sounds like they're trying to convince us and that bothers me. This is a personal family decision. No one outside of the family should be trying to sway the decision with made up math. I could see it if research showed that kids turned out better one way or the other but it doesn't. For all the hand wringing that goes on with this decision, our kids turn out remarkably the same.
I was a SAHM for 20 years and didn't need any outside validation. I downplayed it because some women were envious. It really did make child raising a lot easier but not everyone is cut out for it. There were many lonely days with no adult contact.
The problem comes in when people want people outside of their families to value what they do. What I do as a mother is for my family. I don't care whether you value it. You don't have to.
I've always wondered at articles like this. They make SAHP's look desperate to be recognized and I just don't get that. If you're SAH for your family, it's their recognition you should be going for not mine. Articles like this make me think that the media is trying to sway our decisions with stupid math. Everyone knows that a family isn't a six figure job better off if mom SAH. Most of the time, they're struggling financially if she SAH. It sounds like they're trying to convince us and that bothers me. This is a personal family decision. No one outside of the family should be trying to sway the decision with made up math. I could see it if research showed that kids turned out better one way or the other but it doesn't. For all the hand wringing that goes on with this decision, our kids turn out remarkably the same.
It's not a "problem". It's human. People don't like being dismissed. By anyone. You either. I've seen how you react to being marginalized. People don't like it even if it is in a non personal generally directed fashion. It's human nature and always will be.
Half the time I am jealous of them and the other half of the time I feel sorry for them.
On the one hand, I love the idea of being home when my son comes home from school. The house is clean, dinner is in process and everything is UNDER CONTROL. I volunteer in his school and really know all his teachers. I can go shopping when the stores are not crowded and traffic is light. Maybe I will go to lunch with friends. Paradise! *sigh*
On the other hand, some SAHMs I know have to ask their husbands before making a purchase and feel ridiculously guilty when they spend money on themselves. I imagine I would worry about the future. What if I had to go back into the job market? What if something happens to my husband? Do I have relevant skills? Are we saving for the future?
I am EXTREMELY lucky in that my husband views our relationship as a partnership. He does his half of the household chores, so it really isn't as much a burden as it could be. If he didn't do this, and I heard a SAHM saying that her job was just as hard as mine, I would probably be very bitter about it.
Articles like this make me think that the media is trying to sway our decisions with stupid math.
You think there's a plot by the media? Really?
What do you know about how the media actually works? I can tell you it's made up of a very competitive bunch of people in a very competitive business. That very trait would negate them plotting to sway America. Never mind the fact that we have this thing called a free press and few publishers (never mind editorial writers) would give that up to advance this... plot.... or whatever the heck you think it is.
Last edited by DewDropInn; 12-12-2013 at 11:30 AM..
I haven't read a SAHM vs WM thread in years. It seems no progress has been made in this Great Debate.
I actually think a bit of progress has been made. The bottom line is very few people actually care what other's choose to do, but the very few are very vocal. Most people seem intelligent and evolved enough to realize that most people just try and do what's best for their own families and not worry about what others do.
Half the time I am jealous of them and the other half of the time I feel sorry for them.
On the one hand, I love the idea of being home when my son comes home from school. The house is clean, dinner is in process and everything is UNDER CONTROL. I volunteer in his school and really know all his teachers. I can go shopping when the stores are not crowded and traffic is light. Maybe I will go to lunch with friends. Paradise! *sigh*
On the other hand, some SAHMs I know have to ask their husbands before making a purchase and feel ridiculously guilty when they spend money on themselves. I imagine I would worry about the future. What if I had to go back into the job market? What if something happens to my husband? Do I have relevant skills? Are we saving for the future?
I am EXTREMELY lucky in that my husband views our relationship as a partnership. He does his half of the household chores, so it really isn't as much a burden as it could be. If he didn't do this, and I heard a SAHM saying that her job was just as hard as mine, I would probably be very bitter about it.
I think SAHMs mostly feel similar, halfway jealous and halfway sorry for working moms. I wish I had a fabulous career in publishing (what I did pre kids), and at the same time I got to be at home and do all the things you mentioned. Oh well life isn't perfect for any of us
As for the financial questions, I handle all money in our house, I have a finance degree so that makes the most sense. I don't know a single sahm that has to ask her husband before spending money, but maybe that's my social group. As for saving for the future, my husband makes a great income and we save a lot, I have my own IRA we contribute the max to each year. We have life insurance of 10x his income should something happen to him and long term disability at 90% his income. We also have a post nuptial agreement agreeing to split property evenly in case of divorce(we did it as part of our trust). I'm pretty well protected in the world of SAHMs and I think that's the way it should be.
I should add to that just because I stay at home doesn't mean my husband doesn't see me as a partner, of course he does.
I actually think a bit of progress has been made. The bottom line is very few people actually care what other's choose to do, but the very few are very vocal. Most people seem intelligent and evolved enough to realize that most people just try and do what's best for their own families and not worry about what others do.
Most people have felt that way. The few who don't haven't changed. Same people from years ago.
Half the time I am jealous of them and the other half of the time I feel sorry for them.
On the one hand, I love the idea of being home when my son comes home from school. The house is clean, dinner is in process and everything is UNDER CONTROL. I volunteer in his school and really know all his teachers. I can go shopping when the stores are not crowded and traffic is light. Maybe I will go to lunch with friends. Paradise! *sigh*
On the other hand, some SAHMs I know have to ask their husbands before making a purchase and feel ridiculously guilty when they spend money on themselves. I imagine I would worry about the future. What if I had to go back into the job market? What if something happens to my husband? Do I have relevant skills? Are we saving for the future?
I am EXTREMELY lucky in that my husband views our relationship as a partnership. He does his half of the household chores, so it really isn't as much a burden as it could be. If he didn't do this, and I heard a SAHM saying that her job was just as hard as mine, I would probably be very bitter about it.
Actually, my husband and I never fight/feel guilty about the money aspect. We each get a small chunk of change each paycheck that we are free to spend on *whatever* we want. IF I want to save that up for a few months and buy a 500 dollar handbag, I can. The remaining money goes to bills, food, and household necessities.
We find the "allowance" aspect works very well for us. In addition, I have a small WAHM business that i make a little bit at. 50% goes to the bank, 50% to my own spending since I use my own free time on the production of my items (usually after kiddo is in bed).
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