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I'm in total agreement that you're the boss, and she wears whatever you tell her to. However, admittedly, being a tween girl is tough. It can be quite embarrassing to be the one girl, wearing the cheap, no name clothes, while everyone else is in name-brand or clearly, higher quality. It takes a strong willed tween, or one who doesn't give an eff, to rock cheap stuff. It's understandable for a parent not to want to shell out stupid amounts of money for clothes. But, your daughter is right. The coat probably is cheap junk, yet, it does its job, and may be all that's affordable. So, at least on the coat front, now or in the future, could you guys compromise? Not necessarily name brand, but higher quality than Wal-Mart? If a compromise is not affordable, now would be a good time to talk about the cost of clothes.
Social status is a matter of no small importance for a kid. For whatever reason (maybe because key celebrities are paid to wear it, and young people fall for the marketing ploy) NorthFace enhances a child's social status (at least for kids who don't go to private schools...). Anyway, the look is sleek and outdoorsy.... so what's the big whoop? Buy her a damn jacket, already! (If you can afford it)
As for the short shorts... If my kid were frantic to not go out without them, I'd be wondering if she weren't being groomed for prostitution by outsiders. You know which nationalities/ethnicities in your community are doing the trafficking. Ask her if any 'rich' young men from those ethnicities are trying to "be her boyfriends". Even if that's not what's happening, you will be letting her know that short shorts say, "W-ore!", and to be aware that girls are being forced/tricked into drug addiction and prostitution.
As for what happens to girls who dress like that, here are some affluent twins in New York... one of whom is now dead... Their upbringing was diplomatically described by an educator who knew them as... "Their parents were exceptionally attuned to making sure they were given the best of everything..."http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2013/...15_634x579.jpg Anyway, they attracted the wrong kind of attention, there was a home invasion, and now one of them is dead.
North Face Jacket? Sure, honey! Short, short, shortyshorts? Hell, NO!!!
Now, if you can't afford the jacket, it's time to explain your financial situation to your daughter. It does kids no favors to shelter them from economic realities. When we were young and struggling, we were quick to tell the kids that there was no money. When we were rolling pennies to buy food, they were there on the floor, counting and stacking the pennies with us. They knew there was no money for pets. They knew there was no money for all sorts of things their friends took for granted. they knew we invested more of our earnings than normal people did. They crawled along behind me, buffing, as I scrubbed the floors of the apartment buildings we were gentrifying - at first, too poor to buy cleaning products - just warm water, a scrubbing rag, and a buffing rag... And they tracked their own trust funds to the minutest detail. Maybe that's why they've always been such good money makers and money savers. They recently traded their 5-year-old old IS250s for new ones (lowest cost to own in the Near-Luxury class), even though they could afford pretty-much anything, at this point. But they're thrifty adults.
Being honest with kids about the realities of life helps prevent them from becoming delusional and irresponsible adults.
Last edited by GrandviewGloria; 12-19-2013 at 12:47 AM..
It's amazing how clothes can get lost in the laundry.
Unless your 13 year old does their own laundry.
I bought my first things when I was 13, started doing my own laundry to avoid my mom finding them.
When she did find out about them, she threatened to throw them all away while I was at school. So I ripped a hole in the fabric on the bottom of the box spring on my bed, stuffed them up in there and she never found them.
Parenting is far much easier when your 13 year old isn't 15 step ahead of you.
She never did find them and never threw any of them away.
I would have taken those short shorts and cut them up in tiny pieces in front of her and thrown them away.
As far as the coat she would wear that or nothing.
IF you are the parent who runs the household and she is the child there should be no "blow out" at all.
She would do what she is told or she would leave her room only to go to school and her room would have a bed, a dresser, and pillows. No computer, television, cell phone, house phone or radio and her homework would be done while she is sitting next to me.
Wow, tough talk is easy on the Internet.
Parenting, like the rest of living, is about teaching values, keeping a firm grip on what is realistic and possible, and compromise. Your daughter should want to dress appropriately. If you have to make her, she has already decided how she wants to be perceived Moderator Cut.
Last edited by Jaded; 12-22-2013 at 12:06 AM..
Reason: Flaming and rude
Well, now that this thread has degenerated into bragging and insults, I'll stop in to say that every time I read the thread title, I see "My daughter wants to dress proactively."
As long as there are mothers and daughters, there will be mothers and daughters fighting over the daughter's clothing. My Mom and I have had a great relationship for my entire life, including (mostly) the tween/teen years, but we still had arguments about clothing. She wasn't overly restrictive, but I was a 13 year old, so of course I knew everything better than her. <wink> Cutting up the shorts isn't going to do a thing except make her find a way to get even tinier shorts past you the next time.
As far as how OP's daughter got the short shorts? Unless you're running a military and spy operation, I think most parents find it hard to police every single item of clothing that appears in the house. Kids go to the mall with their friends and allowance money, kids get money/gift cards for holidays and birthday, if from a divorced family, the other parent could purchase something...there are so many possibilities here. Or maybe Mom herself bought the shorts, with the agreement that these were only for around the house. It wouldn't be unheard of.
As far as the North Face jacket, does she get an allowance? This would be a perfect time to start teaching her to save her money for what she wants. Maybe offer to split the cost with her -- it'll still take her long enough to save that she may decide the Walmart jacket is A-OK by her. Don't give her the "When I was growing up, we were lucky enough to have a coat!" because she doesn't care. That argument never works, ever, and just serves to anger you.
OP, this is just a phase and it will pass. It did for me and pretty much everyone else I know. Some of it is her trying to get a reaction out of you, and some of it is just her age. This is the time where the pressure to fit in is almost unbearable, as well as what other hormonal changes are happening along with it. Best of luck -- you'll both come out the other end eventually, promise.
Well, now that this thread has degenerated into bragging and insults, I'll stop in to say that every time I read the thread title, I see "My daughter wants to dress proactively."
Yah I just ... could not get past that to take the thread seriously.
I assume DD means dear daughter. If I'm out of line forgive me, but why can't we just say "dear daughter?"
As for the topic at hand--yes, you're the parent, lay down the law. Your house, your rules. She doesn't like it--TT. ("Tough tacos," see how that's confusing?)
DD, DS, DH and the like had been around for decades.... that's not going to change now!
There are many very common and pervasive internet acronyms.
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