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I need to vent! I just had the STUPIDEST argument with my 17 year old son. We had the radio on and the station was playing Christmas songs. I made the simple comment that "If you weren't Christian, and had to listen to these songs on the radio, wouldn't it bug you" -which he replied- this isn't Christmas music. There is nothing religious in Rudolph. I said- it is about rudolph pulling santa's sleigh on Christmas eve! and Santa comes from St. Nicholas! It is a Christmas song! It is only played during the Christmas season!! My original comment was not about rudolph- it was about all Christmas music. I tried to illustrate what I meant by saying that if I wanted to listen to country music but when I turned the radio on and there was some other religion's holiday music on I would not like it since I wanted to hear country music. So it led to him saying they don't play Christmas music in the big cities! I said that there are people of other religions everywhere not just in the city and these radio stations can be tuned in almost everywhere nowadays. Basically it boiled down to whether this is really Christmas music since they don't sing about God/Jesus and he felt it wouldn't bug anyone cuz it had a cool tune to it.
For heaven's sake- It wasn't meant to be such a literal comment that had to be proven/disproven by being so scrutinized!!!
Why is he sooooo argumentative and disagreeable??!!
I have a 17 year old, and I have learned that I need to be more patient with her differing points of view. I try to take a deep breath and really listen to and respect where she is coming from. Instead of trying to argue my point, I try to understand hers. Sometimes she really surprises me with her insight.
Your son will only be with you for a little while longer. Embrace him for the individual that he is, and enjoy him for the adult he is becoming. Be grateful that he speaks his own mind and is not just a follower.
And turn off the radio and put in a cd. It will help the blood pressure.
Your teenager wins by default because you as the adult parent got worked up over a "nothing argument".....
My 9 month old daughter and I got into an argument this morning.... she was like, "RA RA RA RA"... and I was like, "LA LA LA LA"... and she just kept going "RA RA RA RA"!
I felt awful all day yesterday at how I was misunderstood/misjudged (btw I did stop the argument. I didn't 'keep' arguing with him. I walked away after about 30 seconds of it and it wasn't about who was right or wrong, which some people cannot let go of)
Purplepeach, I heard what you were saying. I was one of the first to respond and I do feel bad I ran short of time and didn't get to focus on your REAL issue.
Yes, teenagers are argumentative. My 16 year old will argue with me about ANYTHING and if I don't immediately jump to her point of view she will then get angry because I 'NEVER take her seriously' or think she's stupid or some such thing. she wants to be independent, but she also wants validation.
If Im paying attention, I can head off getting blasted. i sometimes surprise her by saying "Oh, I hadn't thought of it that way" or "oh, i do see your point of view" or "that's an interesting perspective" or "Hmmm, sounds like you've put some thought into that". With practice I get less defensive about my opinion/comments and more likely to ask her to elaborate. She does love to babble on. She's more of an extrovert than I am.
This way her right to an opinion is validated, I recognize that she is thinking for herself, and that neither of us have to change our minds to engage in conversation. A little reflective listening goes a long way.
My kids at 17 would argue if I said it looked like a beautiful day, or most anything I said..
That stage passed and now we can have great conversations..
Don't take it personally, most kids that age get pretty oppositional..
This I agree with.
Quote:
Originally Posted by psurangers11
Your teenager wins by default because you as the adult parent got worked up over a "nothing argument".....
My 9 month old daughter and I got into an argument this morning.... she was like, "RA RA RA RA"... and I was like, "LA LA LA LA"... and she just kept going "RA RA RA RA"!
Oh my god!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
Get back to us in about 15 years.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Stagemomma
Purplepeach, I heard what you were saying. I was one of the first to respond and I do feel bad I ran short of time and didn't get to focus on your REAL issue.
Yes, teenagers are argumentative. My 16 year old will argue with me about ANYTHING and if I don't immediately jump to her point of view she will then get angry because I 'NEVER take her seriously' or think she's stupid or some such thing. she wants to be independent, but she also wants validation.
If Im paying attention, I can head off getting blasted. i sometimes surprise her by saying "Oh, I hadn't thought of it that way" or "oh, i do see your point of view" or "that's an interesting perspective" or "Hmmm, sounds like you've put some thought into that". With practice I get less defensive about my opinion/comments and more likely to ask her to elaborate. She does love to babble on. She's more of an extrovert than I am.
This way her right to an opinion is validated, I recognize that she is thinking for herself, and that neither of us have to change our minds to engage in conversation. A little reflective listening goes a long way.
I try, but I can't say I'm good at it yet!
Been there, done that. The key is to be able to head it off. That's not always possible, I have learned.
***
I do think many on this board were very judgmental with the OP, all the while telling HER not to be judgmental about her son!
spirit of rebellion
but primarily lack of respect
they have been taught carefully by the boomers to distrust and resent all authority figures.
we boomers did a good job.
what we see is the result
young fools instead of old fools
I don't agree with that -- I think for some it isn't rebellion at all -- it's interaction with their parent. That's how it was for me and pretty much everyone in my family. My dad and I could argue well into the night, it didn't really matter who was right or who was wrong, and we could have flipped sides and still argued, debated or whatever. It was fun. On long trips, I think we would debate and argue partly to help the driver stay awake when driving through the night.
I really miss those times. I think rebellious types don't have those kinds of conversations and debates, with them it's a lot more hostile, likely little conversation. I don't mind a bit when my kids want to go back and forth on some topic.
purplepeach I think malamute is right. Guys your sons age debate. My sons loved to debate; about anything. And I have to say it, my brothers and I loved to debate with our Mom. Personally I think it is a young fellow's way of solidifying the things his family has taught him even though it seems like the opposite, like in your case. You must be a heck of a good mom or your son probably wouldn't waste his time trying to explain his point of view. I know my mom certainly is a fabulous person and there was no one her sons would rather have argued with when we were your son's age.
It may seem a pain to you but you are getting the highest back-handed compliment a mother can get from her boy believe me. Stay as robust and tenacious in defense of your views as you are now and have fun with this guy the little time you have left with him. Hopefully he will meet someone who cares about him as much as you do. You`re the Bomb! Have a Merry Christmas! Even if it is a pagan holiday!
I need to vent! I just had the STUPIDEST argument with my 17 year old son. We had the radio on and the station was playing Christmas songs. I made the simple comment that "If you weren't Christian, and had to listen to these songs on the radio, wouldn't it bug you" -which he replied- this isn't Christmas music. There is nothing religious in Rudolph. I said- it is about rudolph pulling santa's sleigh on Christmas eve! and Santa comes from St. Nicholas! It is a Christmas song! It is only played during the Christmas season!! My original comment was not about rudolph- it was about all Christmas music. I tried to illustrate what I meant by saying that if I wanted to listen to country music but when I turned the radio on and there was some other religion's holiday music on I would not like it since I wanted to hear country music. So it led to him saying they don't play Christmas music in the big cities! I said that there are people of other religions everywhere not just in the city and these radio stations can be tuned in almost everywhere nowadays. Basically it boiled down to whether this is really Christmas music since they don't sing about God/Jesus and he felt it wouldn't bug anyone cuz it had a cool tune to it.
For heaven's sake- It wasn't meant to be such a literal comment that had to be proven/disproven by being so scrutinized!!!
Why is he sooooo argumentative and disagreeable??!!
What a thing to waste time, effort and words on.
Don't you have something more important you can
argue with your 17 year old about?
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